»
Main Forums
»
Passions in Prose
»
Destiny
| Passions in Prose |
|
Destiny |
|
|
J. K. Mitchell Member
since 2002-01-12
Posts 311GA |
I watched across the room as a slow grin formed on his lips. My heart stopped. This was the man that I had been waiting for all my life. This was my destiny. He walked towards me. His stride swift and oozed with senusality. His body flowed like the river and I wanted to drown in him. He stopped before me and held out his hand. "I'm Colin." I smiled into those eyes and held out my hand. "I'm Alyssa." He pulled back his hands and shoved them into his pockets. "Dinner?" He asked with this hopeful boyish look on his face. I nodded. "Yes." I replied. "Dinner." |
||
| © Copyright 2005 Jacqueline Mitchell - All Rights Reserved | |||
Midnitesun
since 2001-05-18
Posts 28647Gaia |
lol, and dessert too! |
||
|
MGROVES
since 2004-02-01
Posts 3802california |
? My spirit will rise |
||
|
CrAzI_bAbI_cHiKa Member
since 2003-07-16
Posts 248 |
haaha...wicked cute. If only, huh? <3kerR |
||
|
fractal007 Senior Member
since 2000-06-01
Posts 1958 |
This scene is too flat. How does the protagonist know that he's the man of her destiny? Also, "His stride swift and oozed with senusality" makes no sense. Any idiot can see that the result is true. |
||
|
CrAzI_bAbI_cHiKa Member
since 2003-07-16
Posts 248 |
She just knows. Woman's intuition. Actually, I think she just thinks it, almost as if she saw him, and he took her breath away, making her think 'this is the man I want to spend the rest of my life with' And all she has to say is 'His stride was swift, and oozed with sensuality." I still like it.<3kerR When I'm good, I'm very good. But when I'm bad I'm better. |
||
|
|
⇧ top of page ⇧ |
|
| All times are ET (US). All dates are in Year-Month-Day format. | ||
