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A Life And Friendship In Short
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A Life And Friendship In Short |
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Christopher
Moderator
Member Rara Avis
since 1999-08-02
Posts 8296Purgatorial Incarceration 
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Ok, this started out as a short story, but as I bagan writing, I realized that there was a lot more to it than originally thought. As the words flew by, I soon knew that indeed, this was more like a whole book. So, I went back, edited, and finished with what you have here. It is simply a little background on a much larger story. Thanks, Chris! "So what do you think?" I ignored the sensual female voice over my shoulder and continued scanning the valley. So far, it didn't appear that anyone was following us. As a matter of fact, the area between hills was void of anything save a small dwelling. The small house stood off to the far right of the grassy clearing. I figured it was probably a peasant dwelling by the state it was in. Even from this distance, I could see it was in poor repair. But something drew my eye past the broken gateway, the crumbling porch and the weeded lawn. A thin spindle of smoke trailed from the rotted brick that formed a chimney. The thought of a warm fire prodded me to hurry my search of the rest of the valley. Nothing. If we were being followed, they were either a lot better at hiding than I was at finding, or they were still far off. I heard a huff behind me, Mal reminding me that I still hadn't answered her question. I smiled and turned around. "I'm thinking that you ask me what I'm thinking far too often." She grinned broadly, a comical gesture. "I love you too," she responded sarcastically. There was nothing for me to do besides laugh, so I did. Mal joined me, and the next thing we knew, we were rolling on the ground, clutching at our stomachs. It probably wasn't that anything was so funny. More than likely, the reason that we were making fools of ourselves was out of relief. Finally -at least for a brief moment- we were safe from those that had been chasing us. One of your first questions might involve curiosity about who was chasing us. In answer to that, all I can say is that I don't know. The only thing we knew about the people chasing us was that they were very, I repeat very, dangerous. A logical question to follow would be regarding why they were chasing us. I don't claim to understand it, but somehow they came to realize that we witnessed them doing an extremely despicable act -one which I won't repeat because it turns my stomach to think about. Let's just say that it involved a family of gypsies. The men were quickly killed, the women lasted a bit longer. I shudder to think about it. Anyway, Mal and I happened upon them as they were finishing- my best guess is that the girls lasted almost two days before dying from shock and loss of blood. When they saw us, well needless to say they weren't too happy. Now let me interrupt myself to clarify things a bit. Normally, something like that would be exactly the type of thing Mal and I would do our best to rectify. There's not much you can do to save a person that's already dead, but you can at least avenge them and allow their souls to pass on into the hereafter. Cade, by the way, is my name. At best guess, I stand a little taller than most men, though not all and I weigh enough to keep my feet firmly on the ground. I have dark brown hair, blue eyes, and an instinct for finding trouble. Mal argues that trouble finds me, but I like to think I'm good for something around here. Anyway, the only memory I have of my parents involves hearing them screaming from inside a burning house. I don't remember anything else, but their screams still haunt me sometimes. It was in a house near the town of Carrol-Fen. I learned the story later from an old neighbor. My father it seems was a simpler farmer near the small town of Carrol-Fen, and he had some rather radical ideas. At least they were radical according to life in the Fen. He thoughts were that since he grew them, most of the crops should belong to him. I know, shocking isn't it? Well, Baron Hilde decided he didn't agree with my father. Instead of trying to compromise, he decided to make an example of my father, by burning down our house with my family in it. The only reason I survived was because my mother - bless her soul - threw me out the window in a desperate attempt to save me. Obviously it worked. But it did nothing to save them from the agony of the flames that destroyed any possibility of me ever having a normal life. As it turned out, the other farmers took the Baron's lesson to heart, though not exactly how it had been intended. The day following my parents funeral, the peasant farmers rose up in revolt and stormed the Baron's small fort, killing everyone inside. As for the Baron, they hung him up by his intestines outside the charred remain of his home. Ever since, no lord has ever tried to cheat the farmers of Carrol-Fen. I spent some time bouncing from house to house, living with those who had pity on me for my situation. But it was hard for them to support an extra mouth, so I was often shifted to a new place almost as soon as I arrived. This went on until I was in my fifteenth summer and was old enough to fend for myself. So I thanked the last in a long line of temporary parents and moved myself to the city proper. Now Carrol-Fen is a small town as I've already said. But as with any town, no matter what its size, there's a good side and a bad side. It didn't take long for me to learn that it required money to stay on the good side. But since I was an unskilled boy, I didn't have any training other than farming, which did me no good in the city. So I ended up on the bad side. Now the bad side of town always gets an unfair report. Sure, there's prostitutes and thieves, murderers and gamblers, but heck, some of those became my best friends. But the one thing that everyone misses when they look at the seedy side of town, is the camaraderie. If there's anyone you can trust, it's the thief who's your friend. A thief is your best friend when you know he's a thief, because since you know, you could rat on him, and he can't afford to have you mad. But on top of that, there's a feeling of kinship that people share when they have so much in common, and being poor is an all too common thing. Well, to get to the point, the seedy part of Carrol-Fen took me under it's protective wing. I made friends that taught me some of the darker skills in life. By the time I was into my sixteenth summer, I was an accomplished thief. I could be over the fence, in your room and out the door with your valuables before your dog even caught a whiff of my scent. Thieving turned out to be one of my greater talents. Along with the art of depriving people of their possessions, I also learned the fine arts of blackmail, extortion, begging, and any other sundry skill that involved the transfer of funds from one persons pockets to my own. I became so good at these arts as a matter of fact, that by the time I turned seventeen, I was able to buy a small flat on the better side of down. It was also around that time that I met Korin Simm. Korin, though he denied it, was an old thief himself. He grew up in the cold streets just as much as I did. But the difference with old Simm, was that when he was my age, he joined the army. Why anyone would want to do that is beyond me, but he did. Somehow, I managed to make friends with old Simm, and he started teaching me what he knew. Now up until now, everything I did was of a purely non-physical nature. Even the extortion was only threats- I learned to be so believable because I wasn't going to follow through and hurt someone. But Simm began teaching me the physical side of life. I already knew that I didn't want to spend the rest of my life tucked away in a small town at the boundaries of the real world. Simm promised me that if I wanted to travel, I had better learn how to use a sword. He swore to me that if I did, it would be something I would never regret. You know what, he was right. I never have regretted it. As a matter of fact, when I left Carrol-Fen on my eighteenth birthday, I set out in search of some of the legendary sword masters. I had learned all I could from Simm, and yet still wanted to know more. I learned from the Sword Masters in Zian, their kin the Bladesmen in Kourash and a few others that none have heard of, but who have made their impact upon the world. When I learned all I could learn of the sword from others, I delved into other things. I was already an accomplished outdoors man, having grown up in the marshes. I did a two year stint in Her Majesty's Navy, learning how to travel by sea.. Oh, and I tried learning magic too, but found that I didn't have the slightest bit of promise in that area. After spending six frustrating months with the wizard Malakia in Bandlash, the most I could do was start a fire with magic, taking twice as long as it would take to do it the normal way. Oh well, so I can't do everything. Not too auspicious of a beginning, but it'll have to do as I can do nothing to change that facet of my life. I make it a habit to live in the now and leave the past where it is, behind me. So that brings me here. I'm working on twenty-five, or something like that. It stopped meaning anything a while back. Oh yeah, I forgot to tell you about Mal. Mal and I had kind of a rocky start. You see, I never could forget my upbringing, so even when I was in the navy, I still liked to keep my hands nimble. And to do that, I had to practice. In order to practice, well somebody had to lose. Well, we were in the port city of Maysong when I was practicing, and somehow I got caught. By Mal. It seemed that the people who owned the house I was practicing on disdained normal things like dogs and such. Instead, they used Mal. Well, I was elbow deep in a box of jewelry when I heard a sniffling sound behind me. Pushing down the immediate feeling of panic, I slowly pulled one of my hands from the box and placed it on my knife. I know stealing is wrong. So, I try to only steal from those who can afford it, and usually, I'll ship the goods back anonymously. I only steal for the practice, like I said before. Since I know it's wrong, I would never hurt anyone who caught me while I was doing it. But, it doesn't hurt to be prepared to defend yourself. For some reason, most people wouldn't believe it if you told them you were going to give it back. So I pulled my knife and swung around, prepared to scare off whomever had caught me. Needless to say, it was a big surprise when I turned to face a twelve foot long dragon cub. Yes, that's right, a dragon. Now at the time, all I knew about dragons were that they were dangerous. Period. I had never had any other reason to find out about them. They're supposed to be reclusive, disdaining company even of their own kind. Then what was she doing guarding someone's house? Good question, one which I've asked several times and never received an answer to. She chooses to keep that part of her life to herself. So there I was, prepared to run for my life and knowing it was gong to do no good. One does not outrun a young dragon. Then what happens next? She lays down on the floor in front of me and asks me my name! I know! It was strange! But that is the way it was. We sparked up a good talk, just like I would have with another person in the market. We talked about the weather and such miscellaneous sundry things, with me finishing on a brief story of my life. After about an hour of conversation, she finally opened her mouth to yawn, and surprised me once again. "I'm bored," she told me, certainly sounding bored. "Let's leave this place." "Together?" I asked, I'm sure sounding pretty stupid. She gave me a glance that told me I did indeed sound stupid. "But what about your job?" At that, she showed me that humans weren't the only ones who had a wide variety of expressions. She rolled her eyes and yawned again. "Who needs it?" She responded, "Let's go." And it was as simple as that. We have been closest friends for several years now-though I admit at first I was wary of her. But over time, I came to depend on her, and she on me. I have made sure that she never gets bored, providing her with plenty of opportunities to get me out of trouble. So out of nobleness, and a need to keep her occupied, Mal and I travel around the land, learning what we can, and fighting injustice when faced with it. Not surprisingly, there is a lot more injustice to be had than knowledge. So that's the short of it that brought us here, on a small hill overlooking a quite pleasant valley. And while I prepare to go down there in hopes of a hot meal and warm bed, I wonder what the next day will bring us. |
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| © Copyright 1999 C.G. Ward - All Rights Reserved | |||
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Severn Member Rara Avis
since 1999-07-17
Posts 7704 |
Oh wow!!!!!!WOW!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I love this!!!!!!!!! Fan-bl...y-tastic!! I see the potential for an awesome novel out of this one. The writing style is great - this has completely demonstrated to me that you have diversity in your style - something many people find hard. I just want to know more about Mal. Right, niggly things: can't let you get a bigger head than what you already have, heheheh. Ah ha! The 'huff behind me' might be better linked with a semi-colon or colon. Onto the subject of 'that's'. I'm a big 'that' freak. There are good 'that's' and bad 'that's'. Bad 'that's' are ones that (a good 'that'!) simply aren't necessary. You have a couple of bad 'that's' and many good ones. Line 19: First 'that' in the line is great, the second one, 'the reason that' is unnecessary, me thinks. 'That's' are such a part of our language we hardly notice them and THAT can be dangerous for a writer. Another bad 'that' dear - Line 20. 'Those that had been chasing us' is possibly better as 'who'. Go through and test out your 'that's' - and tell me what you think!!! Love your stance on thiefs, btw. Also like the names you've picked and LOL about the making fire magic!!! Yes, the colloquial language works very well with the character. Excellent work my dear!!!!!! K  |
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Dragoness Senior Member
since 1999-08-07
Posts 513 |
You've got my interest! A Dragon as a companion?!?! FAnstastic! ------------------ Set you heart free and your mind will follow. |
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caroline Senior Member
since 1999-08-16
Posts 1218http://members.xoom.com/belladona123/index.htm |
EXCELLENT! Yep...more Mal, please. What an interesting character! Actually both characters are great Just enough background to keep the reader from getting bored, and enough info to keep the reader wanting to know more!More please, Christopher! |
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Oscar Wilde Junior Member
since 2000-03-09
Posts 31San Francisco |
Oh, my God this is so good! Your biggest fan, O. |
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Dusk Treader
Moderator
Senior Member
since 1999-06-18
Posts 1187St. Paul, MN |
You're back! Jeez, I thought you had fallen off the face of the earth and given Prose to me... I loved the start to this story. You have to post here more often, I miss seeing pieces like this. I wanted more action though... I understand it's a background, but I wanna see a full fledged story here... Abrahm Simons Put one foot on the path of life and tread the dagger's path betwixt dark and light. |
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Munda Member Elite
since 1999-10-08
Posts 3544The Hague, The Netherlands |
You have all of my attention here Chris ! Please....continue the story !  |
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poetFemmeFatale Member Elite
since 1999-07-25
Posts 2646Arkansas |
Very interesting read - I liked how it had a "rambling on" feeling, although interesting enough to keep me reading, yet you wrapped back around to the beginning again...does that make sense? LOL In short, I liked! I usually don't have the patience for prose, but this one was fun! |
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Sunshine
Administrator
Member Empyrean
since 1999-06-25
Posts 63354Listening to every heart |
until I hit the part about the dragon, this had a "Braveheart" story quality about it... did you ever expound on it? Karilea If I whisper, will you listen?... I would rather be silent and write, then speak loudly and be bound. KRJ |
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Christopher
Moderator
Member Rara Avis
since 1999-08-02
Posts 8296Purgatorial Incarceration |
Someone's got her shovel out! *wink* Yes, I have worked on it a little, but it has, I'm sad to say, been lost amid the jumble of other projects for the moment. Thanks all - C |
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Skyfyre Senior Member
since 1999-08-15
Posts 1906Sitting in Michael's Lap |
An excellent idea here, Chris ... I was quite surprised by the dragon thing -- nice touch. I can also sympathize with how annoying it can be having someone ask you what you are thinking all the time ... LOL However, as I'm sure you realize, this could use some polish. One of the things that makes your prose difficult for me to read is your paragraphing -- or, should I say, lack thereof. Although it is not unheard of to make a paragraph out of one or two lines, a long succession of similar one-liners makes for a very choppy read. This is compounded by the lack of spaces between paragraphs, but I think this has something to do with the forums software, no? Personally, I think that the "rambling" nature of this post is much better suited to a series of long paragraphs, with perhaps a few of the shorter thrown in to provide empahsis for key phrases or events (such as the revelation that Mal is a dragon, or for actual dialogue). If you have trouble deciding where to end a paragraph, try reading your story out loud, placing paragraph ends wherever you run out of breath (rounding to the nearest sentence, of course! LOL). There are a few other points that I noticed which may or may not improve this piece, but I think the most important is that it is in desperate need of structure. Try that, and who knows? The rest of the flaws may fade into the background ... LOL ... kind of like all the spelling mistakes in "Wizard's First Rule ..." Keep writing m'friend -- and get an editor! LOL --L Never underestimate the power of stupid people in large numbers. |
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kaile
since 2000-02-06
Posts 5146singapore |
gosh now i wish i havent read this one for it seems that i will not be likely to read its sequel....sigh.... but nonetheless i enjoyed this one muchly(the introduction of Mal as a dragon really gave me a surprise there!!) and pls pls find it within yourself to carry on the story okay  regards |
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