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My Name is Frida
| Passions in Prose |
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My Name is Frida |
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Endlessecho Member
since 2003-09-05
Posts 398I live within myself |
You'll find that most of my writings are in first person. That's just what comes most naturally. But, that doesn't neccesarily mean I'm speaking as myself. My name isn't Frida and this isn't my story... just a story.. ;-) My name is Frida. I wish I were an artist. I’m not. I’m just me. I wish I were ok with that. I’m not. I’m not okay with anything in my life. Because I didn’t have a choice. I wish I could change it. But, I can’t. I have no control. It’s been taken from me. I sit and stare at four blank white screens – walls – shields. I live inside a square room with one door and one window and no bars. But, I feel the bars – the cold steel. I feel them because they’re there, even if you can’t see them. To feel something is more proof that it’s there than to see something. You can’t feel an illusion. I can’t. I can see an illusion all around me though. An illusion of help and humanity. This dank “hospital” where we all moan and groan and are given our pills to “help” us. Help them is more like it. To make “us” more tolerable to human society. Hide us away or drug us until we’re no longer us. Until we’re just like you. But, your pills aren’t going to do that, because we’re already just like you and you’re just like us. And that’s why we’re locked away and given pills because you see yourself in us and it scares you. Can we help that we’re more honest? That we’re sick of hiding who we really are? You can’t hide us away forever, just like you can’t hide from yourself forever. Time will tell everything. If I don’t do it first. And so I sit here and type. Maybe time can use the help. Maybe we’ll destroy ourselves before time catches up. Ignorant fools you all are. And so are we, because we let you control us even though we’re the sane ones. Even though we’re the strong ones. The masters and the puppets; and who is more to blame? I see your condescending stares that mask your inner fears. I know why you won’t look me in the eye. I know why you walk out of my way. I like that. I like that I scare you. Fear lends control. Control is something I lack. I wish we would rise and take it back. But, you have us so doped up on these “helpful” pills, we only drool and curse and write. Oh, and make little crafty paperweights. You want to see our pictures. That’s safe. Because you like the darkness of them as long as you can walk back out into the blinding light. That light that blinds you all. My little window isn’t enough for me to see it. I like that. I hate this room. I hate this place. And I hate the people who put me here and say, “it’s for the best.” You don’t know anything. You don’t know me. And I hope you see how wrong you are someday when you are falling apart and are too scared to admit it because you aren’t like us and you don’t want to be here. We all hide our fear because we don’t want to be locked up. I can’t help that I had to say that I wasn’t all right. But, nobody’s alright. Everything’s wrong. Why am I being punished for saying so. You all know it’s true. You are all guilty. Guilt and fear plague you and that’s why no one sleeps anymore. Gnawing at your stomach, you down your antacids. You suck on them like candy hoping it will alleviate the sickness you feel. You see – you mask your pain with pills as well. But, it’s just those over-the-counter “drugs”. It’s ok. It’s normal. And as long as you’re normal, that’s all that matters. |
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skyshine 
since 2002-02-07
Posts 3058Beneath the northern stars |
This was really powerful....and I think normal is overrated, but then again I've never been normal. Good work!  ~sky Hold on, if you feel like letting go |
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