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MellonCollie
Member
since 2003-04-11
Posts 117
Austria,Europe

0 posted 2004-01-09 01:20 PM


This is my first try as a prose writer, originally i wrote this story for my creative writing class. I have to read it in front of the other members of the course and so i wanted to get some opinions about it before i have to read it to them...


The Letter

Dark clouds looked down on the deserted beach. There was only one person standing on the fine sand. He didn’t move, obviously he didn’t care about the weather, didn’t care about the upcoming storm. He just stood there watching the waves crashing down. The wind played with his dark brown hair, but he didn’t care about that either. His black coat flapped in the wind. Slowly the man took his hands out of his pockets to button up his coat and to check his turned up collar so that at least parts of his face were protected from the sand that was flying through the air. Then he put his hands back into his pockets. His face didn’t show any emotions. His brown eyes just stared at the sea as if he was searching for a ship that would never enter it’s harbour. His small lips were pressed together and hid under the collar so that no sand could enter his mouth. He was completely ignoring the unpleasant feeling that was created by those tiny grains of sand that hit his face. He turned his head a little and glanced backwards as if he expected someone to appear behind him, though he knew that nobody was there. He looked at the sea again, watched the waves drowning the beginning of the beach. He raised his left eyebrow and wondered how long it would take until the water would touch his shoes, his Armani suit. He looked down at his black shoes, that already were covered by sand a little bit. He decided that it still would take some time, on the other hand he didn’t really care about it, it wouldn’t matter if the sea would swallow his shoes. He looked up again. Then the wind carried bits of music to his ears. With a surprised look on his face he turned into the direction where the music came from. The sounds reminded him of being a little boy and going to amusement parks with his parents. A faint smile came upon his face. In the distance he could see an old theme park. He wondered why there came music from there, because as far as he knew the park had been closed for more than four years. He turned his head a little sideways to catch a bit more of the music, but he didn’t hear it anymore. The smile vanished and he looked back at the ocean again. With his left hand he reached in the inside pocket of his coat and took out something that looked like a crumpled piece of paper. After taking a closer look one could realize that it was a crumpled envelope. He looked at the envelope with a painful look in his eyes, as if it would cause big pain to see the envelope. Out of the envelope he took a piece of paper, as crumpled as the envelope itself. He had the letter in one hand and in his other hand he held the envelope. Once more he looked at the envelope, read the hand written address on it’s front.  Then he closed his eyes for a second and released the envelope from his hand. The wind blew it away immediately, the man turned his head and watched it fly away, with a thin and painful smile on his lips. Then he carefully unfolded the letter and started to read it one last time. He had read this letter over and over again as if he was hoping to find something new in it. A tear was released from his left eye but the wind wiped it away immediately. For him it was nearly unbearable to read he letter, it caused so much agony to read those few hand written lines, to get the message they were transporting. Halfway through the letter he stopped and looked up at the sky. It seemed like as if he was asking the sky why he had received the letter, why this happened to him. A slight sobbing could be heard through the wind. Then he started to scream. He screamed so loud that it hurt his throat. His eyes were filled with tears, caused by the pain of his throat and the pain caused by reading the letter. He screamed at the sky, blamed the sky for this particular letter, but he knew that it wouldn’t make a difference, knew that he could scream and scream, knew that nothing would change. He fell on his knees, not caring about his expensive trousers, and continued reading the letter. His hands were shivering so strong that he could hardly read those fateful lines written on this piece of paper. Now he also realized the grains of sand flying directly into his eyes, making it even harder for him to read the last couple of lines.
After only reading one more line he let his arms fall to the ground , again looking at the sky, but not screaming. He was just looking at the dark clouds that passed over him. He didn’t make a sound but his face showed his feelings, showed the pain that he was going through. He hardly could open his eyes because the wind threw sand into his eyes as if it had declared his eyes the main target. Still on his knees he raised his fist towards the sky and started to
scream again, questioning why. Then he fell backwards and fainted, still holding the letter in his hands. When he regained consciousness he could feel water all around him. He stood up immediately and realized that he was wet all over. He stood in water to his ankles. He looked shocked and puzzled. Then he looked at his hand and saw that he was still holding the letter. Suddenly all his memories, all the pain returned. He remembered what the content of the letter was, remembered why he had come here in the first place, what he wanted to do. Again he looked at the letter, and back at the wild sea. He could see the big waves crash down harder than before, and nearer than before. One last time he looked at the letter, read the last lines though it caused so much pain in him. Then he took it in both hands and tore it apart, tore it into many pieces and let them fly in the wind. He looked happy when he saw the pieces of the paper dance in the wind, some flying away, others falling into the water and swimming away. He was smiling when he turned and walked back to his life.

how will i laugh tomorrow
when i can't even smile today

© Copyright 2004 Simon - All Rights Reserved
Sadelite
Member Elite
since 2003-10-11
Posts 2519

1 posted 2004-02-07 06:50 PM


Gee, I'm sorry I didn't see this before...
I bet you've already read it to your class and they loved it, just like I did.  You've got me wondering though, what was in the letter and who it was from.  Hm.  Was the letter from his parents who had taken him to the amusement park, or a sweetheart?   Hm...
   Again, I liked this.  You did a nice job bringing out the setting and mood.

Endlessecho
Member
since 2003-09-05
Posts 398
I live within myself
2 posted 2004-02-09 02:17 PM


I liked your writing here.  You certainly painted the scene really well.  I like that in your descriptions you kept the mood of the peice, such as in saying, "He looked at the sea again, watched the waves drowning the beginning of the beach." By describing it like drowning, it reinforced how the man felt.  I really liked that.  Thank you for the read.  
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