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Jazz Funeral
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Jazz Funeral |
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serenity blaze Member Empyrean
since 2000-02-02
Posts 27738
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I think it must have been the vacancy in my husband’s eyes that frightened me the most. I’d seen that “nothingness” before in the lifeless eyes of my father, lying on his back in his bed, his oxygen tank just out of his reach, fully dressed, his garbage still neatly wrapped by the door. Then again, just one week later, his father, sitting upright in his favorite chair, eyes open in that combination of wonder and disbelief, he died reaching for the blood pressure gauge. In a moment of clarity I thought of the injustice—both had died trying valiantly to live—and their children lived on in cowardice, trying to die. “I don’t want to live here anymore,” my husband said to me. I noted bitterly that he chose the moment with care--he had waited until after he ate dinner. I just nodded and replied, “We really don’t have to do this anymore.” I watched him as he grabbed some clothes. He took some pictures off the bedroom wall. I shook my head in disgust, for he didn’t take any pictures of our kids, or me. He chose the ones of himself, posing with various celebrities of rock and roll, remnants of his glory days. I shrugged and tossed it from my mind—I had no need of that anymore. As he opened the door, I finally saw a spark of life in his eyes. He had turned to me and looked at me with unbridled hatred. Then he slammed the door so hard, it popped back open. I fought the urge to nail it shut. “I don’t want to live here anymore.” I had said the words aloud, echoing him, wondering that simple statement may well have been the most honest thing he'd ever said to me. I went to the bedroom to take an inventory of what was left. Albums were stacked on the bed, and loose photos littered the floor like confetti. I popped the top of a 16-ounce Bud, and sat cross-legged on the floor, trying to organize the pieces of our lives that he’d flung so carelessly around the room. Twenty-six years of memories, or rather—times that we had shared. I didn’t recall a lot of them. There had been a running joke between us—he would tell the “war stories” of our escapades—all the vignettes of variety, and when he would pause, I always asked, “Was I there?” “Yes, you were,” he always assured me. Then I’d ask, “Did I have fun?” “Don’t you always?” he would tease. Oh yeah, baby. It’s been a riot. |
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Janet Marie Member Laureate
since 2000-01-22
Posts 18554 |
Then he slammed the door so hard, it popped back open. I fought the urge to nail it shut. “I don’t want to live here anymore.” I had said the words aloud, echoing him, wondering that simple statement may well have been the most honest thing he'd ever said to me. ================================= this is when I am supposed to say something witty...clever...poetic... but damn baby...I just cant seem to find any words at the moment... ............................. |
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mirror man Senior Member
since 2001-01-08
Posts 814 |
Enjoyed this. |
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Skyfire 
since 2000-12-27
Posts 3381Riding |
I... am not sure what to say to this. You tell your story better than I tell mine; I hope one day I'll be able to tell mine the way you do. *hugs* |
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Larry C
since 2001-09-10
Posts 10286United States |
Karen, It is odd when in our experience something is over long before it ends and other things end long before they are over. Seems that we have had both experiences in our lives. I love how you write of your experience. This is very well done and too familiar to my experience. Hmmmmmmmm.... If tears could build a stairway and memories a lane, I'd walk right up to heaven and bring you home again. |
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Sunshine
Administrator
Member Empyrean
since 1999-06-25
Posts 63354Listening to every heart |
Did I have fun? ~*~ Even when it hurts... |
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Dark Angel Member Patricius
since 1999-08-04
Posts 10095 |
In a moment of clarity I thought of the injustice—both had died trying valiantly to live—and their children lived on in cowardice, trying to die. An excellent write Gorgeous.. as usual  enjoyed. Maree fate is not just |
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Wind
since 2002-10-12
Posts 2981 |
serenity, you are the master. This one's a keeper  I said I'm going to buy a gun and start a war, |
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serenity blaze Member Empyrean
since 2000-02-02
Posts 27738 |
Oh my. You guys do it every time.  Thanks for seeing the promise of this--as it is intended as an intro--working on the rest...  I'm reminded too, that I find prose so much more difficult than poetry. I'm lazy by nature, and can be very ANAL regarding my English--I actually write prose in WORD program! (gasp) Thank you all for reading and replying--and hopefully I'll have a follow-up offering for tomorrow. I'm off to parse my sentences now. And btw? I appreciate any critique, as I have problems with time and sequence, noun/verb disagreements, and that's just the beginning. And I apologize too for not reading and replying as much--I find it difficult to read others while I write prose. I tend to get lost in there.  Hugs to all. |
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Local Rebel Member Ascendant
since 1999-12-21
Posts 5767Southern Abstentia |
awesum blazey |
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