»
Main Forums
»
Passions in Prose
»
Weighted Questions...
| Passions in Prose |
|
Weighted Questions... |
|
|
smalls Member
since 2002-12-20
Posts 62 |
Weighted Questions… We can't see them, but they are like "weights" on our shoulders. A thousand experiences and yet no one would ever know unless they walked in our shoes. A thousand things that mold self-identity, reassure self-esteem, and build our confidence to allow us to remain stable through life's obstacles. All the things we relied so heavily upon to measure up against. We continuously are adding these weights. They take beatings and survive. But how do we respond when one starts to fall off? One of the weights no longer sits stable on my shoulders. I am left to question, is it as easy for the weight to come off as it came on? There has been weight on my shoulder to play professional soccer. I saw it no other way. I already had things planned out, graduate college and set aside other things just so that my focus is on soccer. Why not right? I excelled at the highest youth levels. I should be ready and willing. Wasn't this meant for me? How about if I no longer wanted to put forth the effort required after 18 years of playing, to pursue pro soccer at all? I could think of a couple responses I would hear: "You have gone this far only to stop," or "You spent time and money for nothing." The weight of my talent as a soccer player has put a lot of pressure on me growing up. There have been external expectations of me that have influenced my internal expectations of self. Traditionally when we are faced with these decisions in life, we are told, "Stay strong because you are almost there." We are told, "All the effort will pay off." I realize all this, but what if my aspirations lead me elsewhere at this point in life and I say, "I'm done with soccer and I want to pursue something else." What if soccer doesn't fit the lifestyle I want to live anymore? So by me questioning what I have identified with all my life, my previous efforts will be considered a waste? This is not to say that I'm going to quit soccer, because I love playing the sport. I just want to make sure that I'm pursuing this goal because this is what "Lawrence" wants and not what anyone else wants. In our respective paths, we have desires other than becoming a "professional" of some type. These desires, admirations, or what we hold dear to our heart can often be over shadowed along the way. As for soccer and me, I know this has been opportunity limited to a few and I am very thankful to have been given this opportunity. Still, I am also aware that soccer is just one facet in life and one facet of me. If I were naïve, I would be "die-hard" and believe that soccer is everything. Soccer is like anything else in life, it's something that becomes a part of our external identity. It's not part of our true self. I didn't come from my mother's womb with a soccer ball strapped to my feet. Throughout life it seems like there is weight on our shoulders to perform to limits and expectations set by others. This weight can get heavy sometimes and we end up focusing more on them than our own self, our own happiness, and our own dreams. We all have our aspirations in life and most falls under traditional occupations: doctors, lawyers, engineers, teachers, fireman, or professional athlete. When asked as a little kid what we wanted to be, these were the answers. So from then on, mommy and daddy invested their money into us so that we can become that doctor or professional athlete. They enrolled us in every scholastic course or sport camp possible to keep us heading that direction. Along the way, our external identity continued to mold. We began to accept ourselves as how we were seen by others. We could've been considered the "nerd", "jock", "mute", or "bully." These were some of the labels associated with someone who studied all day, played sports all day, always kept quiet, or picked on everyone. Our family, friends, teachers, coaches, and other surrounding cast played important roles in our experiences and development of external identity. Their interaction with us allowed us to make sense of how we were perceived in this world. But at that age, when we were most impressionable, everything seemed fine. Our thinking was limited to only a few experiences compared to today, also limiting our ability to think about more complex issues. What about when we come to that age when we can think for ourselves, when we are able to make decisions despite what mommy and daddy say, or our friends say? We have gone through 21+ years of life. We've been through some of the ins and outs of under-graduate education, human relationships, and emotion. I remember a time when I was nowhere near thinking about the things I think about today, specifically this issue. All I cared about was not getting out in "Four Square." Today, our new understanding of ourselves allows us to hold firm to opinions such as religious and spiritual beliefs and how we want to live our lives. Could you see my investment into soccer, or your investment into what inspires you as a vehicle to your true self? What about all the experiences that took place and held purpose in your life so that one day it could all make sense? Not until recent did I question my desires in life. I've obviously had a lot of time to think things over. At this point I am not studying for exams or being forced to read books on something I can learn by talking to "you." I've been thinking about the weight on my shoulders and yes it's something invisible and intangible, and yes it's something that "pushes" me, not necessarily "drives" me, but influences me into sometimes irrational decisions. The bigger picture leads me to believe that these weights are nothing more than what they are, a piece of our external identity. They can come off just as easy as they came on with a simple remedy that we often times overlook… Follow your heart because you owe it to yourself, and in the end, at least you can say it's what "you" wanted. Please check out my poetry online |
||
| © Copyright 2003 smalls - All Rights Reserved | |||
Allysa 
since 1999-11-09
Posts 1952In an upside-down garden |
I loved this. It really makes you think. Two comments, though. Constructive criticism. There were only two things about this that bothered me, the first being the quotations around "weights" in the opening paragraph and the second being the quotations around "you" in the ending line. I'm not sure why the "weights" bothered me, but the quotations around "you" took away from the effect of the last line. "Tourists are terrorists with cameras. Terrorists are tourists with guns."~Anon. |
||
|
|
⇧ top of page ⇧ |
|
| All times are ET (US). All dates are in Year-Month-Day format. | ||
