"You seemed so brave and lonely ..."
"I wanted to comfort you like a child..."

Dottie sat propped in her hospital bed in the nursing home.I sat beside her holding her hand, admiring the halo her white hair made in the bed lamp light.I said how pretty she looked.I was thinking how fresh and rested she appeared despite the cancer and her advanced age.She merely smiled and squeezed my hand more tightly.Suddenly, her arms reached out and pulled me to her.A tiny shudder shook her frail body as she whispered, "I'm so glad you were my neighbor."

She pulled away but reached again for my hand.We sat quietly, she staring silently into space and I, watching her.Finally I said, "Dottie, where is your smile?You don't seem like you.Are you depressed?"Silence.Then, so softly I could hardly hear, she said, "Bob, I have an awfully pushy daughter."I reminded her of how her daughter had left her home and husband to come and care for her during the last six weeks.We talked of her daughter's unselfish generosity but Dottie's response was that generosity often carries it's own price.She seemed to wait for me to prompt her to go on but I felt it might cause her to say something she would prefer not to.I merely waited hoping she would continue if she felt she should.We sat holding hands for some time.Suddenly, her eyes filled with tears and she asked for help out of bed.I was concerned she was in pain but she merely wanted to use the bathroom.I helped her walk across the room and returned to sit by her bed.I waited feeling quite uneasy for what seemed a long time.I called to see if I should summon a nurse.No, she didn't want me to do that but she would be awhile.Perhaps I should go on home.By, the way, she said "I'll be home tomorrow."Perplexed, surprised and feeling dismissed, I said my good-bye through the door.

The next time I saw Dottie, she was climbing out of a car and walking unassisted to her front door.I told my husand I would wait until she was settled and I would go over.Within an hour, her daughter was at my door telling us Dottie was gone!Disbelief and shock must have been all over my face.In my mind, I wondered where she could have gone as sick as she was.Then her daughter said she might as well tell me, Dottie had chosen assisted suicide.

Dottie, my friend, my neighbor is dead.Circled by her daughter, some grandchildren and a son-in-law, lying in her own bed, she was given a pill and a glass of wine.As her closest relatives toasted her life and her courage, she swallowed a sip of wine and the pill.She laid down and slept and I couldn't say good-bye.

"I lay me down to sleep,
I pray the Lord my soul to keep, ..."

Goodbye, Dottie.

- - - - - - -

Dottie was not my neighbor's name, I've changed it.But she was a special neighbor and this was my tribute to her.Her daughter was rather pushy and it was the neighbors' consensus that she had become impatient to bring an end to this ordeal. Oregon has an assisted suicide law and while I agree with it wholeheartedly, it is very difficult to come to terms with when the suicide is someone you love.