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Mending doors
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Mending doors |
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Sudhir Iyer Member Ascendant
since 2000-04-26
Posts 6943Mumbai, India : now in Belgium 
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“Smell me in your whispers”, she said before leaving, as she closed the door firmly behind her back, almost as if she was demonstrating the firmness of her decision to leave. Before she left, she had kissed him warmly - almost passionately - with a heat only known to the thin dividing line that borders the shadow and the 2 p.m. summer sun’s rays on a black road. That was her final goodbye kiss. ‘Save the best for the last’, as the song goes. So she did; almost to mock him and say, ‘feel what you shall miss’. All he did was whisper “h o p e y o u r e m e m b e r m e i n f o n d m e m o r i e s” in broken sounds of a drunk doing a Joe Cocker without particularly remembering the lines. She had gone for good. For her good, for his bad. ‘One man’s gain is another’s pain’. All these clichèd lines came to his mind at a rapid speed of a million light bulb flashes a second. He stared at the door for a while, and then for a longer while. He sat down on the floor and still stared at the door. Hoping. Willing. Wanting. Praying. Not necessarily in that order. She didn’t come. Maybe she was waiting outside. So he got up, still staring, getting angry, thinking if she is waiting outside, why can’t she just come in. After all, love is not about asking permission if you can enter. It is about already being there, is it not? Anger controlled him, and he was out of control. He rushed to the door, opened it, looked out. No one. Then he took five more steps and landed a huge kick on the door in front. His neighbour was playing the song “I will survive” ----------------------*----------------------*---------------------- Local newspaper article, next day: A 30 yr. old man was arrested yesterday for disturbing the peace of the neighbourhood and later released on bail. The bail was posted by his neighbour, saying he did it because he wanted to get his door fixed, because his neighbour was a damn good carpenter, and could fix any thing that was broken. |
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| © Copyright 2002 Sudhir Iyer - All Rights Reserved | |||
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Janet Marie Member Laureate
since 2000-01-22
Posts 18554 |
Sud...I just found this....I'll be back when I have time to enjoy...glad to see you posting in prose again.  |
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pjtalty Member
since 2002-07-17
Posts 111W.A., Australia |
This short piece of writing comes pretty close to being *prose poetry*. I very much enjoyed the reading of it more than once. It has a seductive rhythm, uses strong images (particularly in the opening paragraph), and in one part is formatted like a free verse poem using evocative language which leads one on to the surprise ending. The result: a feeling of satisfaction at having been immersed in a drama that could have occurred to anyone. Also, either consciously or sub-consciously, your technique answered a question once posed by the famous writer, Anatole France, *The writer's first courtesy, is it not to be brief?* [Anatole France, *La Vie Litteraire* (1888-92)] I look forward to reading more of your work. Patrick Talty |
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Janet Marie Member Laureate
since 2000-01-22
Posts 18554 |
ok..Im back...took me long enough didnt it  I like the mix of metaphor and music analogy in this...the way you incorporated the songs and "cliches" in to define the characters emotional state and the irony of the situation...right down to your endings impact... great opening line too. Enjoyed reading you in here again, I wish this forum had more interaction...lots of good stuff here by our fave poets from Open...but there just dont seem to be enough hours in the day to read all thats offered here. *sigh* ... so much poetry..so little moth |
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Sunshine
Administrator
Member Empyrean
since 1999-06-25
Posts 63354Listening to every heart |
Excellent write, Sudhir. You took all of the emotion of a moment and encapsulated it very tight, very well. I think we should see more prose from you! |
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Sudhir Iyer Member Ascendant
since 2000-04-26
Posts 6943Mumbai, India : now in Belgium |
Many thanks to each of you, my friends... Regards, sudhir |
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GOlDsparklESS Member
since 2001-12-13
Posts 428central nj |
I enjoyed the seductive, emotional theme of this work. I would like to get more in depth, but I am unable to at this time (DaAAck. ) However, it is beautifuul. |
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Sudhir Iyer Member Ascendant
since 2000-04-26
Posts 6943Mumbai, India : now in Belgium |
thanks a lot, gold... regards, sudhir |
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