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Larry C
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since 2001-09-10
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United States

0 posted 2002-05-19 06:24 AM


I had this feeling in my gut once a long time ago. It hur in a way I had never known and didn't understand. It happened while I was on an out-of-state tour with the college choir. I was twenty-two. Late Saturday night I was called to the phone and told my mom was in the hospital and not expected to live.

By a unanimous vote, and with the cooperation of the bus driver, it was decided we would travel all night back to school so that I might see my mom before she died. All night I tried to understand that hurting in my gut. Confused I finally gave up.

Sunday morning I was relieved to find my mother in her hospital bed, stable and on her way to a full recovery. For several years I tried to understand that hurting that I had experienced in my gut. Even in consultation with my grandma I never figured it out. So I gave up.

Thirty years later, without an thought, I figured out what the cause of that hurting was. Today my twenty-eight year old daughter died.

May 18, 2002

© Copyright 2002 Larry Chadwick - All Rights Reserved
Sunshine
Administrator
Member Empyrean
since 1999-06-25
Posts 63354
Listening to every heart
1 posted 2002-05-19 07:34 AM



Larry...I am so very sorry to read of your loss.  Something like this goes unexplained for a very very long time, but please know, you are in my thoughts, and prayers.

[This message has been edited by Sunshine (05-19-2002 08:33 AM).]

Nan
Administrator
Member Seraphic
since 1999-05-20
Posts 21191
Cape Cod Massachusetts USA
2 posted 2002-05-19 09:28 AM


God be with you and yours, Larry...

Kethry
Member Rara Avis
since 2000-07-29
Posts 9082
Victoria Australia
3 posted 2002-05-19 09:56 AM


Larry,
So Sorry.

Here in the midst of my lonely abyss, a single joy I find...your presence in my mind.  Unknown



Enchantress
Member Empyrean
since 2001-08-14
Posts 35113
Canada eh.
4 posted 2002-05-19 12:36 PM


so sorry...

Tracey
Member Elite
since 2001-08-29
Posts 2808
where insanity meets breeding
5 posted 2002-05-19 01:24 PM


Yes, that pain…that indescribable pain. My thoughts, my prayers…my tears…are with you Larry.
doreen peri
Member Elite
since 1999-05-25
Posts 3812
Virginia
6 posted 2002-05-19 08:03 PM



Larry C
Deputy Moderator 1 Tour
Member Patricius
since 2001-09-10
Posts 10286
United States
7 posted 2002-05-19 08:14 PM


Thank you to each of you.
Marge Tindal
Deputy Moderator 5 ToursDeputy Moderator 1 TourDeputy Moderator 1 TourDeputy Moderator 1 Tour
Member Empyrean
since 1999-11-06
Posts 42384
Florida's Foreverly Shores
8 posted 2002-05-19 08:44 PM


God be with you in this time of great need~
*Hugs*
~*Marge*~

~*The pen of the poet never runs out of ink, as long as we breathe.*~
         noles1@totcon.com                    

Duncan
Member Ascendant
since 2001-08-07
Posts 5455

9 posted 2002-05-19 08:47 PM


Still here, Larry.  Thoughts still with you.  You are doing an amazing thing with the pain and experience you are sharing with all of us.
Martie
Moderator
Member Empyrean
since 1999-09-21
Posts 28049
California
10 posted 2002-05-19 09:11 PM


Grief is not something that can be taught...only experienced.  
bsquirrel
Deputy Moderator 5 Tours
Member Rara Avis
since 2000-01-03
Posts 7855

11 posted 2002-05-20 12:24 PM


God bless you, both in your times of need and your times of joy.

The Woodsman (thanks for the smile, Larry -- and may you find your peace to smile again, too)

(mike)

She said burn ... together.
-TON

JamesMichael
Member Empyrean
since 1999-11-16
Posts 33336
Kapolei, Hawaii, USA
12 posted 2002-05-20 01:31 AM


Sorry to read of the death of your daughter Larry...May God take you in his arms and love you and care for you...James
serenity blaze
Member Empyrean
since 2000-02-02
Posts 27738

13 posted 2002-05-20 05:22 AM


I don't believe that there is anything I could say to comfort you at this time, Larry. But I did want you to know that you are in my thoughts and prayers.
catalinamoon
Deputy Moderator 1 Tour
Member Rara Avis
since 2000-06-03
Posts 9543
The Shores of Alone
14 posted 2002-05-20 04:21 PM


Larry, I know what the awful feeling is, when I heard my Grndma had died, it is like a pain in your gut that has no comparison. I think it's good that you are able to talk about it, and if there is anything I can do, I'm here
Sandra

Larry C
Deputy Moderator 1 Tour
Member Patricius
since 2001-09-10
Posts 10286
United States
15 posted 2002-05-20 08:07 PM


Thank you dear friends, and Martie such a sad truth.
Madame Chipmunk
Member Rara Avis
since 2001-12-05
Posts 8296
Michigan
16 posted 2002-05-20 11:18 PM


I know that feeling so well, Larry....

the aching sadness, the hollowness...
the why did this happenness...

I am so very familiar with it because I've had it on 3 occasions...
The last time I saw my Father...when he was sick and I had the feeling it would be our last goodbye

The day my first husband died...
and right after I found out that my son Eric had died...

The worst thing about this pain, Larry....
is that it sometimes comes back when you least expect it to....when just a wisp of a memory is triggered by something.

I wish you well, Larry...I send you my tears and my prayers.
~ big hugs


Lyra

copyright2002 Lyra Nesius

"poetry is life distilled"  Gwendolyn Brooks

[This message has been edited by Madame Chipmunk (05-20-2002 11:18 PM).]

Larry C
Deputy Moderator 1 Tour
Member Patricius
since 2001-09-10
Posts 10286
United States
17 posted 2002-05-28 02:00 AM


Lyra,
Yup...it hit tonight when I opened Instant Messenger for the first time and there was Ginger's name. I think I'll email her before her account goes inactive.

Duncan
Member Ascendant
since 2001-08-07
Posts 5455

18 posted 2002-05-28 02:23 AM


Damn, Larry...I felt that.  Still here.

Larry C
Deputy Moderator 1 Tour
Member Patricius
since 2001-09-10
Posts 10286
United States
19 posted 2002-05-28 03:52 AM


Sorry Pal. Glad you're there though.
Gemini
Senior Member
since 1999-12-15
Posts 1203
Wisconsin, USA
20 posted 2002-05-30 08:29 PM


Larry, I wish I had magical words to take away your pain, you have my sympathy.  Life can be so short and is indeed a gift to be treasured, for no one really knows how long we have.  I have experienced this pain when my father died 26 years ago, I understand.  Hugs and prayers to you, take care.
Larry C
Deputy Moderator 1 Tour
Member Patricius
since 2001-09-10
Posts 10286
United States
21 posted 2002-06-04 01:42 AM


Gemini,
Thank you so much. It never really stops hurting though, I am sure you know better than I.

cpalmer
Senior Member
since 2001-06-26
Posts 977
Phoenix, Az
22 posted 2003-02-04 03:21 PM


Larry,
All I can say is you know my feelings on this....I wish I could take that hurt away!
Love you
Cindi

God is our inspiration; Words of the heart can be music to our ears
Cpalmer

Larry C
Deputy Moderator 1 Tour
Member Patricius
since 2001-09-10
Posts 10286
United States
23 posted 2003-02-04 09:54 PM


Cindi,
I wrote this on my way to see Ginger after she died. It matched the trip home to see my mother knowing she wasn't expected to live. And thank you for always being there.

If tears could build a stairway and memories a lane, I'd walk right up to heaven and bring you home again.

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