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the Box..."TWICE"
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the Box..."TWICE" |
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Solstice Son Member
since 2000-09-19
Posts 469 |
I stepped back through the portal. For I had spent what seemed like ages in the Tomb,studying magic with the preists, sworn to guard the Pharoh therein. They truely knew the mysteries of the universe and seemed happy to share. I came back to my time to find that only an hour or so had passed. I was exstatic! I found the Box on the floor still and when I picked it up the lid snapped shut and all the magic from it ceased. This time I was more careful with the Box and it made it back to its shelf without further incident. I went out that night and practiced all my new magic. At the dance club I charmed a lovely young thing and she danced with me all night long. I was toying with the idea of taking her home when we left the club. Suddenly two BIG guys moved out of the shadows and confronted us...wanting money. I spoke a spell the preists had taught me, and the SHADOWS rose up....and swallowed the two men..and they were GONE!!! My dance gal screamed and ran, heels clicking madly in the night. I was shaken. I had not expected anything like that. Not like that at all. The next day at the shop, John noticed I was looking pale, ill, like something was bothering me. He said as much but I just told him I had stayed out too late at a club. That seemed to satisfy him and he left me to go about the business of selling magic cards, top hats, and collapsable wands. That night John had to get to his weekly chess club. They met at a diner downtown, twenty old men and one young gal named Rita. Rita being the chief bottle washer and cook, and favorite distraction to them all. I was alone again, much to my amazement for if I had been John, I would never have left me alone again. Never. I did what I wanted to that night. I took the Box down fromits shelf and tried it again.. ‘ Once and the Door shall open! ‘ Nothing...and I was annoyed. Then I heard the little voice of John Mallestar in my head again. I closed the Box and then spoke the second line to the incantation. ‘ Twice shall it be used! ‘ Again the screaching sound of an iron lock and the wondrous blue glow! I gave a triumphant WOOOT!! And stepped through the magic portal. I found myself waist deep in the snow. I stepped forward, as best I could, shoving my way through the frozen landscape before me. I could smell a cookfire of sorts. Smoke had tinged the air blue and I soondiscovered what I had suspected from the start. The runes upon the Box had seemed both egyptian and nordic and I found out why now. A large man dressed in reindeer skins and silver stood before a set of standing stones. He eyed me with slight contempt, this much I could tell, and then led me inside the ring of stones. Inside stood a woman. Long white hair flowed down from her head to her knees and was her only covering. Her eyes though were what held my attentions. They were pale, almost white, save for her pupils which stared wide at me. Like some black star in an luminous void. She picked up a small silver flute at her feet and began to play softly. The tune still haunts me to this day. Slowly, animals of every sort began to slip between the standing stones, each staring at Her and swaying softly to the music. Bears, Reindeer, white furred Wolves, black Ravens , and countless other smaller creatures crowded in and sat entranced by Her song. Even as I was. At last she ceased. And spoke to me. To my amazement she spoke as perfect English as any member of high society might. “ You have come far. You will learn much. “ Around us, the creatures nodded and spoke...yes spoke!!! “ You will learn much...you will learn....you will...YOU.” I spent years there...I am sure of it. Learning magic that I had never dreamed existed. At last my time had come to depart and I found the magic portal where I had left it. The same norseman who had met me stood gurading it from the world. I smiled at him, but he seemed to hold me in contempt still. I most likely would too if I had stood there all that time. I stepped through and was back at the shop. It was morning. The shop was fine, and only the night had passed while I was away. I looked the same as when I had left, but I KNEW.....so much more. I put the Box back on its shelf and quickly left for home to change my clothes....lest John suspect. " and I dream of her always, |
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| © Copyright 2002 Adam M.M. Stevanovic' - All Rights Reserved | |||
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Christopher
Moderator
Member Rara Avis
since 1999-08-02
Posts 8296Purgatorial Incarceration |
ok - NOW i see... much better not having it finish so quickly (which i should have guessed at in the first one - doh) while i don't think i liked the writing as much in this one (exstatic! should be ecstatic  ) as it seemed more... hmmm... forced, careless?... the development of story is going well... BUT - i would really like to see an expansion. you're presenting a lot of interesting ideas, but only skimming the surface of them. i would really like to see them explored more deeply (spending years in a place takes up only a sentence!!!). still, interested in the next (final?) bit.Chris |
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Solstice Son Member
since 2000-09-19
Posts 469 |
heya chris....to be completely honest with you....this story is inspired by a dream I had two years ago....and the second part of said dream was very quickly dreamed...so I chose to keep it that way...the last part will make up for it as it was the most detailed and truely interesting part Sol oh, and thanks for checking my spelling " and I dream of her always, |
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fractal007 Senior Member
since 2000-06-01
Posts 1958 |
This was kinda cool - abrupt, but nice nonetheless. I kinda like those little secrets we all have, the things we like to do when no one's around, to escape from the reality we collectively create for ourselves. It's a funny thing we humans do, and I think this piece expresses it well. Perhaps more description or depth would be nice, however. "If history is to change, let it change. If the world is to be destroyed, so be it. If my fate is to die, I must simply laugh" |
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J. K. Mitchell Member
since 2002-01-12
Posts 311GA |
This is so good! |
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Kethry Member Rara Avis
since 2000-07-29
Posts 9082Victoria Australia |
Solstice Son, I would agree with Chris on all areas including the spelling. I too would have liked more description, perhaps you could have explained how some of the magic things worked. As for the magic there's no point in knowing it if you do not have a use for it...so use it already. Keth Here in the midst of my lonely abyss, a single joy I find...your presence in my mind. Unknown |
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Pilgrimage Member Elite
since 2001-12-04
Posts 3945Texas, USA |
I liked this one, I truly did. I would have liked more description, more flavor, but it was good like it is. Nan |
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