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serenity blaze
Member Empyrean
since 2000-02-02
Posts 27738


0 posted 2002-04-16 04:28 AM


"Theresa...Theresa..." I used to love the sing-song cadence of her name, and I would sing that to her, reggae-style, while she laughed. She would shake her head, tossing auburn strands about her perfectly matched frames of eyeglass. She had a beautiful smile, and a habit of never looking one directly in the eye when she spoke. Her eyes were that lovely shade of amber, with flecks of gold in the sunlight. She was not an obvious beauty, but was the kind of woman who took your breath away by surprise. I was fascinated with her looks. She was a study of monochrome.

She told me once, in a haze of smoke, about her chagrin regarding her given name.

"I was always a re-run of HER," she sighed. "I couldn't even be given my own name."

I knew she spoke of her sister, Terry. I also knew the challenge of growing up in the shadow of a beautiful sister. I touched her hand and confided that I, too, was the baby of the family--I, too was named after my sister. I didn't tell her that I knew Terry, and how beautiful she was. I simply told her that I KNEW.

We bonded instantly.

Those were easy times, and we didn't know it. The days we did not spend cutting class, we spent in clandestine moments, in the high school bathroom, plotting our escape. We played out those secrets, in ways that we did not realize were typical, oblivious, lazy days of party. When summer came, we planned for the fall. We did not know then, that future plans had eluded us.

Neither one of us returned to school in the fall. I met a guy over the summer. Her sister jumped off a bridge. I went to adult ed, for a quick diploma--she went to work in a local bar, determined to care for her niece.

I went to see her at her place of employment once. It was dark in there, with no light to play off the auburn in her hair, or spark the amber in her eyes. Her skin looked gray. The men were old, and didn't tip. She looked tired. And I was too young and dumb to understand.

I heard about it later. As she sat in the same room, in the same rocking chair that Terry had  sat in to tend the baby, Theresa took a .22, and placed the nuzzle under her left breast and fired a single shot into her heart. "They" said, whoever "they" are, that she had wrapped a comforter about her trigger hand, a crude silencer that must have been effective, since no one found her until the following afternoon. The family was alerted by the sound of the toddler crying.

She left a note, that simply said, "I'm sorry, Terry."

Theresa...Theresa...

I'm sorry too.

[This message has been edited by serenity (04-16-2002 04:54 AM).]

© Copyright 2002 serenity blaze - All Rights Reserved
Sunshine
Administrator
Member Empyrean
since 1999-06-25
Posts 63354
Listening to every heart
1 posted 2002-04-16 07:12 AM



I like the quick stylization of your observations, Serenity...the story is harsh, but vivid with imagery!

nakdthoughts
Member Laureate
since 2000-10-29
Posts 19200
Between the Lines
2 posted 2002-04-16 07:33 AM


I am impressed by your writings, each one keeping me in hold 'til I finished all 3.

M

Janet Marie
Member Laureate
since 2000-01-22
Posts 18554

3 posted 2002-04-16 09:34 AM


She had a beautiful smile, and a habit of never looking one directly in the eye when she spoke. Her eyes were that lovely shade of amber, with flecks of gold in the sunlight. She was not an obvious beauty, but was the kind of woman who took your breath away by surprise. I was fascinated with her looks. She was a study of monochrome.

She told me once, in a haze of smoke, about her chagrin regarding her given name.

"I was always a re-run of HER," she sighed. "I couldn't even be given my own name."
=====================================

Those were easy times, and we didn't know it. The days we did not spend cutting class, we spent in clandestine moments, in the high school bathroom, plotting our escape. We played out those secrets, in ways that we did not realize were typical, oblivious, lazy days of party. When summer came, we planned for the fall. We did not know then, that future plans had eluded us.

Neither one of us returned to school in the fall. I met a guy over the summer. Her sister jumped off a bridge. I went to adult ed, for a quick diploma--she went to work in a local bar, determined to care for her niece.
===================================


In a handful of succinct, vivid, emotionally impactuous paragraphs you captured years of several peoples lives and did it so well that even in your brevity...we became attached to the characters thru your eyes and heart.
You NEED to write lots of prose...and I NEED to read it.



fractal007
Senior Member
since 2000-06-01
Posts 1958

4 posted 2002-04-17 01:34 AM


Once again, another wonderfully crafted quick story.  Your writing strikes me as being very pain-filled and "pain-delivering".  Hope that doesn't sound too awkward.  You've done a good job conveying both the emotions and the events of your story.  Thanks for sharing.  This is definitely going into my library.

"If history is to change, let it change. If the world is to be destroyed, so be it. If my fate is to die, I must simply laugh"

-- Magus

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