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Soul-Sucking Monsters
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Soul-Sucking Monsters |
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Christopher
Moderator
Member Rara Avis
since 1999-08-02
Posts 8296Purgatorial Incarceration 
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Soul-Sucking Monsters © 2002 C.G. Ward [--We enter to the soft noise of someone crying. In the background, Train’s new song “Drops of Jupiter” is barely heard over the continual ‘whoosh’ of a ceiling fan revolving at its highest speed. Three mismatched cups rest on the speckled green coffee table like a child’s connect-the-dots game. Two are full. The third, empty and forgotten. Arms canted behind his neck, we see a young man with his head bent backward over the arm of the light gray-green couch. One foot dangles out over the edge, while the other rests on the coffee table, nervously ticking back in forth with the pace of unheard thoughts. To his left, a young woman is crying. Her arms wrap around her knees, bringing them close to her chest as if for comfort. Unlike the young man, she is perfectly still, no sign of movement save the steady trickle of tears flowing from her eyes and over the soft curves of her cheeks. We watch for a moment, the only movement – tears and ticking. The song changes, and suddenly Creed fills the air, the harsh lyrics a stark contrast to the current mood. Apparently the young man thinks so as well, for he jumps up quickly - startling the young woman - and changes the CD. As Rob Thomas starts in with a rhythmic crooning, she watches the young man pick up the empty cup, looking into it as if the answers to an unheard question might lie buried somewhere in the molded plastic. Finding nothing of note, he goes to the kitchen and sets it in the sink before heading around the bar and back into the room. His step is hesitant, as if he were unsure of a course of action, but determined to follow it through regardless. She watches as he ignores her look and sits back on the couch to resume his earlier position. Turning slowly toward his deceptively calm demeanor, her eyes crease with despair and frustration. The young man lifts his head at the movement, and he watches as she opens her mouth to speak--] “Do you really think it’s that easy?” [--He lifts his head, fully facing her for the first time since we’ve come upon them--] “Why shouldn’t I, when the way you live your life appears as nothing more than a continual practice of misery? Every day is a repeat of the year past; same like same, grief over grief, ashes from melodrama, fear to flames.” [--She turns away, seemingly unable to face the solidity of his conviction--] “Then why do I find it so hard? Why do I wake up every morning wishing that I could just go back to sleep, pull the world over my eyes and drift forever in the arms of the only thing that doesn’t hurt me: oblivion. Being awake, moving, existing, leeches on me like the kind of soul-sucking monsters you find in one of those video games. They’re easy to avoid if you pay attention, but as soon as you let your guard drop, get distracted by other problems, they jump on your back like a demonic monkey diving directly for your volition, your will power, your ability to care.” “Then start paying attention. Kick the proverbial monkey off your back, and make sure he doesn’t jump on again. Sounds simpler than it probably is, but it’s not like you have a lot of options here, right?” “No I don’t… but see, the problem is that I don’t get extra lives. Once my health meter goes down to zero, it’s going to stay there. And you know what? It’s been hovering just around that point for a very long time now. No matter what I do, I can’t seem to bring it above for more than a few moments before the next soul-sucker comes along and takes a grip on the chambers of my sanity to start bleeding me dry.” “Am I one of those?” [--Silence--] “No, of course not. You’re like… you’re like the power up, the super-special pill that slaps you in the face and wakes you up, pumps initiative back into the atrophied recesses of a brain fried by them, the soul-suckers.” “Then what’s the problem? Why does it seem that every time you come for advice, and I give it you’re fine… until the next day when a different crisis with the same ingredients pops up?” [--He pauses--] “To follow your analogy through: I feel like the old wizard at the edge of town, the one who doles out the wisdom of game history. I explain how to go about your quest and give you the tools with which to fight your way through. Of course I can’t give you all the answers, and some seem a bit cryptic to you at the time, but I do my best within the confines of workability – every game has rules and restrictions. See, my part isn’t that of a combatant, and yet the fate of our entire world rests on your shoulders. You are our singular savior – we live or die by your deeds, by your success.” [--The young woman laughs softly. The tears seem to be slowing a little, though the look in her eyes still speaks of pain--] “The part I hate the worst though, is that I’m giving you the same tools every time, for the same damn quest. It’s almost as if your mood is your life. And every time it crashes, you die. So you use one of your extra lives to come full circle back to me to begin your quest anew. We’re stuck in a vicious loop here, and I think one of these days I’ll get tired of giving you advice and just feed your carcass to the nearest monster and go save the world myself.” “I would… if I were you.” “No you wouldn’t.” [--She looks up at him sharply, for the first time a spark of anger beating back the pain that was filling the irises of her eyes--] “Why do you say that?” [--He looks at her intently for a moment, appearing to gauge the force of her reaction.--] “Because if that was something you would do, you’d have done it long since. You’d have fed my advice to the trolls, kicked the hell out of the soul-sucking monsters, and finished your quest. What you lack is not intention, not capability. You don’t lack for caring, hope, or any of the other things required to finish your quest. All you lack is the most important factor… and you even possess the ability to bring that factor to the fore.” “What? What then? What do you think I lack oh great wizard?” [--He cocks an eyebrow at her sarcasm--] “Drive. Pure and simple, what you lack is the drive to push yourself past the obstacles in your way. You crumble when the first soul-sucking monster jumps on your back, and then you simply lie there, waiting for him to bleed you dry of hope until you’re empty and can come back here for a recharge. You crumble when you could claw and choke your way back to your feet, rip him from your back, throw him on the ground, and stomp his little green guts right out of his soul-sucking body. “When you can do that, when you can find the drive, the desire to push on… when reaching your goal is the most important thing in your life, then, and only then, will you be able to come around the next time in search of different answers. This poor old wizard’s given you the best advice he knows, in the only words he can figure out how to convey meaning for this quest. It’s up to you now to fight your way through all the self-pities, the defeats, the depressions, and the soul-sucking monsters.” [--They both sit quietly for a while, listening to the music and the whirring of the ceiling fan. The young man assumes his original position, staring at the ceiling, while the young woman stares at her fingers twined together in her lap. With a discordant ‘thunk,’ the CD player switches albums again. This time, Jude comes on, his melodic voice soothing even to the most irritable. The young woman turns toward the young man and clears her throat. He lifts his head and looks at her. She affects a frown and lifts a hand as if making a point--] “I’ve changed my mind.” “About what?” [--She lifts her hands with a grim smile, and forms her fingers into a strangler’s grasp--] “I’ve decided that you are a soul-sucking monster.” “Ah. Then you’d better throw me off your back.” [--We leave to the sound of laughter. It is somewhat frantic, but nonetheless real. As we pan out through the window and out into the cool night air, we can see in one last glimpse that the young woman has lost the hopeless look in her eyes and replaced it with a look that could only be interpreted as determination… or perhaps, drive.--] --Edit-- Fixed a spelling error, a case of bad repetitionrepetitionrepetition, and ditched the italics as they made it hard to read. - C --Edit-- --Edit-- Thanks Sharon  --Edit-- --Edit-- Thank you Abe --Edit-- [This message has been edited by Christopher (03-30-2002 01:22 PM).] |
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| © Copyright 2002 C.G. Ward - All Rights Reserved | |||
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Elizabeth Cor Senior Member
since 2000-10-13
Posts 879Over the river and through the woods |
Honestly? The first thing that goes through my mind is that this is an awesome piece of writing... ... may even critique it later as nothing that needs attention/changing pops out at me yet, but, hey, I'm a little distracted at the moment. Excellent job, here... in so many respects. hugs, rock. |
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Poet deVine
Administrator
Member Seraphic
since 1999-05-26
Posts 22612Hurricane Alley |
I really enjoyed the story! And I like the way you set it us...sort of like a movie script. Two things...fist should be first (spelling) and "Two are full. The third, forgotten." When describing the cups on the table, this sort of threw me. Later we find out that one cup is empty. I would think of a forgotten cup of coffee as one that was still full, not empty. Just an observation... |
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Sunshine
Administrator
Member Empyrean
since 1999-06-25
Posts 63354Listening to every heart |
I'll be back! |
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Christopher
Moderator
Member Rara Avis
since 1999-08-02
Posts 8296Purgatorial Incarceration |
ocean princess - thank you... i think. will be very interested in swapping critiques. sharon - and as always, thank you for your kindness and help. Kari - waiting... |
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Sunshine
Administrator
Member Empyrean
since 1999-06-25
Posts 63354Listening to every heart |
Tonight... |
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Dusk Treader
Moderator
Senior Member
since 1999-06-18
Posts 1187St. Paul, MN |
The whole movie script thing threw me off at first, but after a few paragraphs, I really enjoyed it. It seems to fit perfectly.. Don't sell it to a TV network though, thoughtful, realistic work doesn't suit them I loved the large video game analogy, I really had no idea how you were going to title your story "Soul Sucking Monsters" and still produce something of your usual caliber. I can definitely relate to this piece and I'm sure a certain wizard (or should in this case sorceress) could attest to. This scene was exquisite. The only thing that even remotely upset my once through was the repetition of "CD" in the 7th paragraph up... and only because I'm picky. Glad to see a new story posted! Gives me something to do besides reading piles of back mail...  "A hard, cold wisom is required for goodness to accomplish good. Goodness without wisdom always accomplishes evil" - Robert Heinlein |
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Sunshine
Administrator
Member Empyrean
since 1999-06-25
Posts 63354Listening to every heart |
I liked the fact that in the end, all people have a need and are needy of some one's attention...that's what it all came down to in this...they are both taking from each other, and giving...but not as much as taking. That's how it hit me. Ok. While I'm off to get a cup of coffee, I expect another new one to read by the time I get back.... |
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Severn Member Rara Avis
since 1999-07-17
Posts 7704 |
The title belies the import... can I make a flaming reply? That would be fun...heh - wonder if I'd get ignored  I'm not actually in a demolishing mood. Just wanted to let you know I'd read it..  K[This message has been edited by Severn (03-28-2002 08:59 PM).] |
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Christopher
Moderator
Member Rara Avis
since 1999-08-02
Posts 8296Purgatorial Incarceration |
Granted, this is a bit outside my normal genre, but since it's been so long, I figured i'd ease everyone into it... heh. thank you mr/ abe for your kind review... i'm not sure where the video game analogy came from, but i liked the idea as well. kari - thank you for your return, and sorry.... uhmmm... hope it takes you a long time to get that cup of coffee. (though i suppose i could always pull one of the several stories i've written over the past year or so that i haven't posted... hmmm)anywaypeace thank you C |
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Tiersdin Member Elite
since 2000-11-17
Posts 2364east coast |
Excellent writing, Christopher. Have you been peeking in on my life? *smiles* ~Tier |
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Christopher
Moderator
Member Rara Avis
since 1999-08-02
Posts 8296Purgatorial Incarceration |
well, no, though i did try to email you, and my server told me i had to put in an address... go figure, computers can be awfully picky sometimes. Thanks for stopping by C  |
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quietlydying
since 2001-06-10
Posts 935the wonderful land of oz |
this would be nicely adapted to the stage. i find that music gives more of an impact to anything. music makes life more bearable, and art more impacting. music makes the world go round. thanks for incorporating it into your piece. oh, and if you decide to script it for the stage [which i strongly suggest you do, you seem to have a knack for theatre], you might want to make it a little more clear of who's speaking. /jen/ so foul and fair a day i have not seen. - macbeth act 1, scene 3 |
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serenity blaze Member Empyrean
since 2000-02-02
Posts 27738 |
Methinks I need a wizard. I found this captivating. A different style from you, but exceptionally well done. The conversation flowed without a hitch, and I felt like I was THERE. I'll be reading this again. |
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Kethry Member Rara Avis
since 2000-07-29
Posts 9082Victoria Australia |
Christopher I loved the script format and I liked the interaction, but I was absolutely fascinated by the description of the cups on the table, which I'm guessing was formica. Keth Here in the midst of my lonely abyss, a single joy I find...your presence in my mind. Unknown |
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Christopher
Moderator
Member Rara Avis
since 1999-08-02
Posts 8296Purgatorial Incarceration |
Jen - something i've never considered. this in itself is a bit outside my normal writing (though there are elements of this (i hope) in all my other stories) i will think on it some more, but am not sure i really want to go that direction other than as a momentary distraction. i do however want to thank you for the comments and encouragement! Karen - words of praise which i soak up! Thank YOU for your constant support (and i hire out as wizard for $75 U.S> / Hour. Keth - whatever you want it to be. I try (for the most part) to be descriptive enough to begin an impression in a reader's mind, but vaque enough to allow them to fill in the gaps. Thank you for stopping by (you sure were busy in here last night!) K - Apologies - i have no idea how i missed your (caustic? ) reply earlier. Thank you as always for stopping by and reading.C |
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