»
Main Forums
»
Passions in Prose
»
Life Thoughts..(Please give me feedback, it's for a book that I'm going to write)
»
Main Forums
»
Passions in Prose
»
Life Thoughts..(Please give me feedback, it's for a book that I'm going to write)
| Passions in Prose |
|
Life Thoughts..(Please give me feedback, it's for a book that I'm going to write) |
|
Ladycat 
since 1999-07-05
Posts 782At the edge and a doorway,TX 
|
Well, it's another one of those nights for me. I don't know what's running through my head, but I know that my mood swings are getting worse. I can feel all the muscles in my body tightening and releasing over and over again. My head pounds repeatively. I can hear the sounds of children screaming and stopping suddenly and leaving silence. What am I to do? What am I to say? In some strange way I feel trapped in an akward body form. Tonight, I will feel ugly, weird, pouty, whiny, and later I'll cry about everything that I can't change. Tomarrow, I'll sit and wonder what life is for and the wonder more why I'm here. I feel like the little girl who was forced to grow up too fast. I want to play too. As another scream comes from nowhere. I feel lonely. Sometimes, I feel unloved, but that's all in my head. I guess I want all the silly trauma to fade away. I want to get married again, but this time it has to work. I want a good paying job; one that won't only pay the bills, but one that will that will have money left over for me to take a big family vacation. I want a house and a dream. Most of all I want a family. A REAL family of my own. Is that too much to ask for? I think that more or less I just hate having to start over when my field of dreams catches on fire. ME ME ME! Some people say that I'm selfish, but I want what I want too. I want to make sure that I'm happy in life too. Others can have their dreams and i'm going to have mine one day. Live in my world just once and you'll find yourself enraptured. |
||
| © Copyright 2001 Vynette M. Charles-Brooks - All Rights Reserved | |||
|
serenity blaze Member Empyrean
since 2000-02-02
Posts 27738 |
Nice start here. I too, love to write in internal dialogue. Would love to see more descriptive details, but will save the rest till after I've read part two. See ya in the next thread! grin.... |
||
|
Allan Riverwood
since 2001-01-04
Posts 3502Winnipeg |
This isn't exactly my taste of writing, but I see and acknowledge the style you were aiming at. It's popular in some circles. I don't see much officially wrong with this, but I will say that you should eventually move it into a less frantic and more focused form of expression on the part of the narrator. Gradually, but not too gradually. Best of luck. ~Allan "I know it's nice to be known - It caresses your ego - but the society cost is terrible." |
||
|
|
⇧ top of page ⇧ |
|
| All times are ET (US). All dates are in Year-Month-Day format. | ||
»
Main Forums
»
Passions in Prose
»
Life Thoughts..(Please give me feedback, it's for a book that I'm going to write)
