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Startime
Member Ascendant

since 2000-10-03

Posts 5918
Canada

0 posted 2001-10-13 06:30 PM

Dream or Premonition

It is a late summer evening
with the fresh washed smell
of new rain still hanging in the air

The sun is warm
as it soaks up the remaining
drops left over from
the recent sun shower

He has finally finished
his work for the day
and what hasn’t been done
can be picked up tomorrow

For now he wants to relax
in the quiet surroundings
of his home, set near the forest
without the disturbing
presence of neighbors

As he leans back,
in his hammock,
strung between
two stately trees,
he surveys the peaceful beauty
leading to the unmarked
forest behind him

Placing hands behind his head
and letting his gaze follow
the line of the trees
he marvels
at the blueness of the sky
with just a few fluffy white
clouds floating by

He closes his eyes
for a minute and breathes deeply
of the sent of pine,
earth and fresh rain

Even as part of him rejoices
in the serene beauty
of it all, he feels the loneliness
of no one to share
this tranquil scene with

Eyes still closed
his senses pick up a sound
that increases
with its persistence

Opening his eyes
and looking about for the direction
of the sound, that now
has become annoying,
he spots a large black cat
sitting close by
watching and demanding
his attention

He calls out to it
to no avail so he tries to return
to his pleasant pastime,
although he is slightly curious
about where this strange cat
came from

The cat would not be deterred
from his mission
as he continued his
loud caterwauling
to get the man’s attention

Deciding the only way
to be able to return to his rest
he leaves his hammock
and approaches the cat asking
it what the problem was

Once he is on his feet
the cat takes off, at a run,
towards the forest,
stopping at intervals
to renew his racket

He has heard of dogs
doing this kind of thing
when wanting someone to follow them
but the idea that a cat would
be as intelligent
was too amazing to accept

Nevertheless, he follows the cat
into the forest,
never quite loosing sight
of him, as the cat leads the way,
halting frequently,
with what appear to be
impatient looks on his face

As they moved deeper still
into the now darkening forest
he notices
that the path, being traveled,
is no longer familiar

Suddenly loosing sight of the cat
as it went around a bend
he increases his pace,
to come to an abrupt halt
as he rounds the bend

He becomes transfixed
as all his senses become alert
to the indescribable beauty before him

Right before him
is a large meadow
covered with the thickest,
greenest, grass,
sprinkled through
with a myriad of multicolored
wildflowers all bathed
in perfect evening sunlight

Standing in the middle
of this meadow
with the black cat
circling her legs
stands a beautiful woman gazing
at him with soft brown eyes

Her hair was chestnut
falling in gentle waves
past her shoulders, framing a face
showing a small hesitant smile

Her gown is the lightest green,
falling smoothly to her ankles
as it clings lightly
to her perfect figure,
blending with the grass at her feet

His heart begins to beat
faster as he gazes
upon this lovely vision
of nature and womanhood

He closes his eyes,
takes a deep gulp of sweet air
as he tries to calm
his thundering heart

And opens them,
with a start hearing
a persistent noise
that drives him from
his hammock to see
a black cat calling to him

Karen Torbiak©

Love I leave with you whether it is in your life now or yet the essense of your dreams.

Wesley the Blue
Member

since 1999-09-02

Posts 426
Forest Lake, MN, USA

1 posted 2001-10-13 08:55 PM

well... ah... doesnt seem much like a prose form to me. It would make an interesting story if the sentances wernt broken up like that. Well, what I should say is that it is an interesting story, but the form is a bit confusing.

"Never underestimate the power of idiots in larget groups."

Startime
Member Ascendant

since 2000-10-03

Posts 5918
Canada

2 posted 2001-10-13 09:33 PM

I am so sorry.......everyone has always always told me this was prose. I am confused and will have to learn what prose is before I post anymore here. Thank you so much for letting me know. I really do appreciate it.

Love I leave with you whether it is in your life now or yet the essense of your dreams.

Magnus

Member Laureate

since 2001-10-10

Posts 14135
South Carolina, USA

3 posted 2001-10-13 09:37 PM

Startime...this story is very beautiful.
Yes, the form is more of a poetic form,
none the less, the story line is good and
I like it.

Alan
Senior Member

since 2000-09-12

Posts 1499
right next door

4 posted 2001-10-17 12:05 PM

Startime.this is a good read..

Wanda
Member

since 2001-10-23

Posts 461

5 posted 2001-10-26 02:17 PM

Karen; This is a very good story. When I started writing prose, I wrote this way too and was reminded to put my story into paragraphs. (Much like I am writing here)The message of the story is excellent.

Don't let this deter you from writing prose. You are too gifted a writer not to do so. Wanda

Poet deVine

Administrator

Member Seraphic

since 1999-05-26

Posts 22612
Hurricane Alley

6 posted 2001-10-27 11:13 AM

I think this could be considered a poem. It's very good by the way! And I wanted to tell you that I love your site! Everyone should click on the icon and go see your homepage! Well done!

Would you like this moved to Open forum?

Startime
Member Ascendant

since 2000-10-03

Posts 5918
Canada

7 posted 2001-10-28 02:32 PM

Thank you, Poet deVine...I would appreciate that it be moved there. It is rather long but maybe some would enjoy it.

Love I leave with you whether it is in your life now or yet the essense of your dreams.

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