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Death of Valor
Junior Member

since 2000-06-09

Posts 20
New Orleans

0 posted 2001-06-28 12:20 PM

Habediah tore a sheet of paper – slowly, laboriously, every fiber cracking as it snapped in his careful hands – and Allison ground her teeth. He was tearing it quietly, not paying any attention to her. It would have been better if he had acknowledged her presence, but he didn't, and she sat on the cream-and-yellow flower-patterned sofa, watching her dark-haired cousin tear paper as a football game wafted in from another room on the currents of her great aunt's cooking.

Habediah kept tearing paper. His face was blank, eyes far off as he finished a strip and started on another.

"So," Allison chirped, looking desperately for something to ask and make him stop that incessant task. She went for the generic family question: "Got a girlfriend yet?"

She felt her smile wear thin as his hands paused and he blinked at the paper, replying in a voice devoid of interest. "No." He began to tear paper again, dropping the product into a flat grey cap sitting on the floor.

"Get to know your cousins," her mother had told her, shaking a knotted ring-covered finger, making it a warning. Allison knew if she didn't, there would be a lecture later, and so she sat, silently, on the cream-and-yellow couch, watching Habediah tear paper.

Kill me later - I deserve it - but for now just smile. (LJ Smith)

[This message has been edited by Death of Valor (edited 06-28-2001).]

serenity blaze
Member Empyrean

since 2000-02-02

Posts 27738

1 posted 2001-06-28 04:10 PM

I liked the easy flow of this--it rang true and brought back memories for me of some very awkward family get togethers. Nice opener--would love to see where this goes!

fractal007
Senior Member

since 2000-06-01

Posts 1958

2 posted 2001-06-29 07:01 PM

Once again, a well done piece. You seem to have a nack for writing pieces that are very short and to the point. I assume that this piece of writing is connected to the first. Is this a description of events in your recent life?

"If history is to change, let it change. If the world is to be destroyed, so be it. If my fate is to die, I must simply laugh"

-- Magus

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