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Coping |
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Packratmike Senior Member
since 2001-02-25
Posts 632California, USA 
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Standing in line I dropped my canteen and the canvassed metal reported my clumsiness with a loud "thunk!" As I scurried, red-eared, to retrieve it someone barked, "Get with the program, Miller!" I did. I got with what I thought the program was and returned to my place in line waiting outside that dark blue door. I stared down at the spilled trail of water I left on the hot concrete floor. It was evaporating quickly, becoming less and less of itself as was this infernal line. "Next!" The line moves forward another notch as the dark blue door opens and eats another victim. Machinery growls and shudders, its vibration tickles up through thick heavy boots and into tired sweaty feet while I watch the last canteen puddle ripple into nonexistence. "Next!" The line clicks forward at least for the thousandth time today, as we stand silent and obedient for hours and hours, never questioning our duty. We swallow our fears like putrid rations, choking and gagging to hold them down. "Next!" I'm second in line now, only Martin before me and he's not looking too good. When the machinery starts again, he glances over at me, pale, wide-eyed, with a pitiful "help me" look that turns my stomach. I coldly, selfishly look away not wanting to be sucked up into that horror on his face. Machinery stops, ears ring and "Next!" explodes followed by a gasp from Martin. I stare at the concrete where the puddles used to be and listen to the door and footsteps and machinery starting up again. I am now No. 1 and I begin to desperately dream of a pretty girl with a pink ribbon in her hair standing in an open field near a glass-like pond that brightly mirrors cotton clouds. An escape into a hot baking sun cooled by a gentle breeze that sends ripples across the water. I frantically search my mind for sounds to hide in, a friend calling my name, an old song, a mourning dove's "coo", anything to shut out the drone of machinery, the metallic clicking of doors, the shuffling of footsteps the.... "Next!" [This message has been edited by Packratmike (edited 04-28-2001).] |
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| © Copyright 2001 Mike Powers - All Rights Reserved | |||
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Poet deVine
Administrator
Member Seraphic
since 1999-05-26
Posts 22612Hurricane Alley |
Arrrghh!!!! Ok..finish this right now!!!! I didn't scroll down to see how long it was before I started reading it so when it stopped I literally gasped!  This is great..finish it!!!! Please? |
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Packratmike Senior Member
since 2001-02-25
Posts 632California, USA |
PdV....will you be disappointed if I tell you it is finished??? LOL (I feel, it just needs a little polishing up.) Thanks for reading and commenting. Glad you got into it.*S* Mike "HEY, DON'T THROW THAT AWAY, I MIGHT NEED IT SOMEDAY!!!" Packratmike |
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Poet deVine
Administrator
Member Seraphic
since 1999-05-26
Posts 22612Hurricane Alley |
What? How can it be finished? I don't know what he's in line for?????? |
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Packratmike Senior Member
since 2001-02-25
Posts 632California, USA |
PdV....he is in line to blindly obey, to perform his duty as assigned without question or objection. ("Ours is not to reason why,.....") What is behind that dark blue door I leave to your imagination or to your next nightmare. *laughing demonically* Mike |
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Poet deVine
Administrator
Member Seraphic
since 1999-05-26
Posts 22612Hurricane Alley |
Would you mind if I continued the story? Would it offend you? |
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Packratmike Senior Member
since 2001-02-25
Posts 632California, USA |
PdV...(LOL) It would not offend me at all. Actually, when I finished this one, I thought about opening it up to all for a continuation or at least continuing it myself. Then I thought, "no", I like it the way it is because what is waiting behind the door should be something as limitless as each and every one of our imaginations. (I'm not sure if that makes sense or if I'm making myself clear.) Anyway, if you feel the need resolve the questions I've stirred up... go for it...I am curious to see what direction you will take with this.*S* Mike |
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Poet deVine
Administrator
Member Seraphic
since 1999-05-26
Posts 22612Hurricane Alley |
*** "Next!" Gone was the image of the pretty girl in the field, gone the gentle breeze across the water, gone the mournful call of the dove. The blue door opened and I stepped inside. "Get in line Miller!" A voice screamed in my left ear as I was shoved into another line. This one was shorter than the one outside the door. And in front of me was another man, dressed in the same gray jumpsuit that I wore. He turned and looked over his shoulder at me. "I can't believe this!" his whisper sounded like nails on a chalkboard. His lips, dried from nervousness bled in one spot where they had split. "Quiet!" I looked around furtively, hoping that no one would see us talking. God only knew what punishment we would receive. The loud whirs of the machine drown out the sound of the door closing behind me so I sensed rather than felt that the line behind me had grown. A quick glance around confirmed my fear. There were women and children being brought in from other doorways….we were all being discarded. I closed my eyes. As the line approached a staircase, each man was being frisked. I stepped forward and my canteen was confiscated. A pocket knife, some change and a tattered photo of my mother was removed and carelessly tossed into a bin. "Get down there!" growled the stairway keeper. I stumbled and almost fell against the man in front of me. The smell of the machines sickened me. I had never worked around machinery, I had been designated as an office worker since I was ten years old. I never even oiled the chain on my bike and now, the smell of oil made my stomach churn. At the bottom of the stairs, I was pushed into a waiting trolley, forced to stand so close to the other men inside, that I couldn't tell where my sweat ended and theirs began. The machine stopped for a second. Then with a loud 'Thwap!" the trolley moved. Someone urinated. I prayed that it wasn't me. |
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Packratmike Senior Member
since 2001-02-25
Posts 632California, USA |
PdV...Well done, took up where I left off and extended the mystery and questions a bit. I like the way your "thwap" added some symmetry at the end with my "thunk" at the beginning.(LOL) Also, the style seemed to blend very nicely. Enjoyed the extension and the well written imagery. This made for a fun project.*S* Still though, I liked where I stopped. Thanks Mike "HEY, DON'T THROW THAT AWAY, I MIGHT NEED IT SOMEDAY!!!" Packratmike |
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Poet deVine
Administrator
Member Seraphic
since 1999-05-26
Posts 22612Hurricane Alley |
Mike, I liked where you stopped too...the purpose of a story is to tell a tale. You did that..but it's also to leave the reader wanting more..you did that too! I really enjoyed this. Thanks! |
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knightlyshadows Senior Member
since 2001-04-14
Posts 791obscured vision |
PdV, thankx for finishin the story! i bout died when mike said that it was finished so im glad it resolved itself to an end and they blended together very smothely. nice job!!! great reads from both of you! tiff  “A single choice can build destinies,or destroy them.” |
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