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I really need some help.. I hope y'all can come through again...
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I really need some help.. I hope y'all can come through again... |
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Ringo 
since 2003-02-20
Posts 3684Saluting with misty eyes 
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Hey all, I just found out that my son was cutting a few yhears ago. He says that he has stopped, and I would believe him because I was able to look him in the eyes when he said it. The thing is, that he is in eight kinds of pain, and is refusing to talk to ANYOONE about it, and keeps saying that he'll live... I also founds out that he has been drunk more than once by the age of 16, and has plans on doing it again. I've been dealing with teenagers for far too long to believe that he's going to get through all of his things he's dealing with by himself... How do I get him to the next step in dealing with life before he starts REALLY going over the deep end? This has actually got me more screwed up than I thought it would, and I am out of ideas. Any help is greatfully appreciated. They took pictures of our dreams |
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Ron
Administrator
Member Rara Avis
since 1999-05-19
Posts 8669Michigan, US |
What would you do if he had appendicitis but refused to see a doctor? |
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Magnus
since 2001-10-10
Posts 14135South Carolina, USA |
I think Ron summed it up quite well....that was the same direction that I was heading as well... Most of us are reluctant to see a "professional" about problems such as these. Sometimes we feel like we have failed if that is what we have to resort to doing.... Truth is, there are a lot of really good people out there that can listen, assess and be objective... It is hard for a parent to be objective...our emotions often interfere. I know...I have had to walk that road and there are rewards at the end...but a few bumps along the way... And, to work properly, the horse has got to drink the water it was led to... Perhaps speaking to someone yourself might be beneficial BEFORE getting your son involved. Good luck...I wish you both the best. |
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Sunshine
Administrator
Member Empyrean
since 1999-06-25
Posts 63354Listening to every heart |
Nothing left to say but that I agree with Ron and Magnus' comment. Having a child who is bipolar...teaches one a LOT. While she never resorted to cutting herself [while in my home], I can understand that it can happen to all children who are doubting themselves... and We, as Parents, feel it is our fault. Go to the professionals, Sir...and let them help you, AND your precious child. Always, Sun |
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Cloud 9 Senior Member
since 2004-11-05
Posts 980Ca |
Ringo Ron said it well but I think I understand were you are coming from. Isn't this the son you hadn't seen in years? Correct me if I am wrong. If so, it would be hard to make him do something he doesn't want to do therefore he walks away from you. Maybe you should suggest to him you 'BOTH' get help. Both get counseling to understand one another. Go through it with him. JMO I don't have any teenagers, only an 11 yr old, but I was a teenager once and I remember being the rebel. I was the black sheep of the 3 girls. My mom and dad were so involved in thier lives they didn't see what i was going through. That's right, it all works out in the end and he will appreciate you for it, but until then.....! You are a good dad. I don't have the best advice but I can only give you what I've experienced. Good luck, keep us informed. |
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Rosieglo16 New Member
since 2005-06-04
Posts 6NY, USA |
Hello, I happen to be a cutter myself...although it took a while to actually say this out loud...the outside help did really help me. It's really hard to talk to your parents about somethings so emotional yet severe as this...i know i wanted to in the past when people wanted me to talk, but it just wouldn't happen. After getting a therapist to show us where we both stand, we started communicating with each other much more. It became easier and easier to talk to my mother because the therapist cleared a lot of confusion up for both of us. What i am trying to say is...i agree with the others. Professional help is the best choice when you feel that there is nothing more you can do for him... ~18 year old insight~ |
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LoveBug
Moderator
Member Elite
since 2000-01-08
Posts 4697 |
I'm going to have to disagree with the majority, well.. sort of :P I"m also a recovering cutter, and I think that the individual HAS to seek help ON THEIR TERMS. If you make them, they will not be receptive, so it's nothing but a waste of money. Also, BY NO MEANS FORCE HIM TO STOP!!!! He has decided that the only way he can deal with his problems is to cut himself. Most cutters look at cutting as an alternative to WORSE things. If you do things like hide his tools and do body searches, he'll find something worse to do. I don't mean to scare you, but it's true. If he's in immediate danger (saying he's going to kill himself right then) then take him to the hospital, but if he's just cutting (I hate to say 'just cutting' but you know what I mean), I fervently believe that he has to realize that he needs help himself before he can seek it and really have it work. Like I said, if you force him to go, he won't listen to the doctors, and it will basically be a waste of money. This is a hard situation, as I said, I know firsthand. All you can really do is just let him know you can talk to him, be there for him. ENCOURAGE him to seek help, but don't force it unless he's about to commit suicide. With regards to the drinking, well.. thats a crime. I don't have experience with alcoholism, but thats another big hurdle. If he would ever go on antidepressant medication, he COULD NOT drink. Those meds will NOT work if he drinks, and some will hurt him if he does. I can't really give much advice about the drinking, but about the cutting, I have to say that he has to realize he needs help himself before it will be effective. That was the case with me and everyone I spoke with, but if your intuition says otherwise, PLEASE don't use me as some final authority. I do have the personal experience but I'm not a doctor or therpist, so yeah  Best of luck with him. If you ever want to talk to me more about this, feel free to email me! http://www.palace.net/~llama/psych/injury.html is an excellent resource for both cutters and loved ones of cutters. Maybe you could show this to him and read the info on there yourself. Love's a lovely lad His bringing up is beauty Who loves him not is mad For I must pay him duty -Anonymous |
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