navwin » Archives » Critical Analysis #1 » For Jim and all of you .. may make u laugh !!
Critical Analysis #1
Post A Reply Post New Topic For Jim and all of you .. may make u laugh !! Go to Previous / Newer Topic Back to Topic List Go to Next / Older Topic
Poertree
Senior Member
since 1999-11-05
Posts 1359
UK

0 posted 2000-01-29 06:37 PM


I'm definitely going to post something "serious" soon, but I couldn't resist this.

Some of you may know of the humourous odes made famous by the Stanley Holloway monologues.  The authentic accent for reciting these is broad Lancastrian (uk).  If you ever watch Frasier on TV then Daphne is about a close as you'll get.  Here's one of my favourite followed by my own "Passions" version          .

btw if you want to see more there is a site: http://homepages.tesco.net/~p.wilkinson/Poems.htm


ALBERT AND THE LION
Marriot Edgar

There's a famous seaside town called Blackpool,
That's noted for fresh air and fun,
And Mr and Mrs Ramsbottom
Went there with young Albert, their son.

A grand little lad was young Albert
All dressed in his best; quite a swell
With a stick with an 'orse's 'ead 'andle
The finest that Woolworth's could sell.

They didn't think much to the Ocean
The waves, they were fiddlin' and small
There was no wrecks and nobody drownded
Fact, nothing to laugh at at all.

So, seeking for further amusement
They paid and went to the Zoo
Where they'd Lions and Tigers and Camels
And old ale and sandwiches too.

There were one great big Lion called Wallace
His nose were all covered with scars
He lay in a somnolent posture
With the side of his face on the bars.

Now Albert had heard about Lions
How they was ferocious and wild
To see Wallace lying so peaceful
Well, it didn't seem right to the child.

So straightway the brave little feller
Not showing a morsel of fear
Took his stick with its 'orse's 'ead 'andle
And shoved it in Wallace's ear.

You could see the Lion didn't like it
For giving a kind of a roll
He pulled Albert inside the cage with 'im
And swallowed the little lad 'ole

Then Pa, who had seen the occurrence
And didn't know what to do next
Said "Mother! Yon Lions 'et Albert"
And Mother said "Well, I am vexed!"

Then Mr and Mrs Ramsbottom
Quite rightly, when all's said and done
Complained to the Animal Keeper
That the Lion had eaten their son.

The keeper was quite nice about it
He said "What a nasty mishap
Are you sure it's your boy he's eaten?"
Pa said "Am I sure? There's his cap!"

The manager had to be sent for
He came and he said "What's to do?"
Pa said "Yon Lion's 'et Albert
And 'im in his Sunday clothes, too."

Then Mother said, "Right's right, young feller
I think it's a shame and a sin
For a lion to go and eat Albert
And after we've paid to come in."

The manager wanted no trouble
He took out his purse right away
Saying "How much to settle the matter?"
And Pa said "What do you usually pay?"

But Mother had turned a bit awkward
When she thought where her Albert had gone
She said "No! someone's got to be summonsed"
So that was decided upon.

Then off they went to the Police Station
In front of the Magistrate chap
They told 'im what happened to Albert
And proved it by showing his cap.

The Magistrate gave his opinion
That no one was really to blame
And he said that he hoped the Ramsbottoms
Would have further sons to their name.

At that Mother got proper blazing
"And thank you, sir, kindly," said she
"What waste all our lives raising children
To feed ruddy Lions? Not me!"


AND NOW MY PALE IMITATION WITH APPROPRIATE APOLOGIES AND ACKNOWLEDGEMENTS:

Jimbo, Phil and the Quill

There’s some famous forums in Passions
Well noted for prose, verse and wit
And one day young Philip went there
To show off his talents a bit.

Rather full of himself was young Philip
Inclined to be sassy and clever
With an attitude some would call prissy
And a quill of a smart goose’s feather.

He didn’t think much to the Open
The poems were all quite the same
There was no blood or death or destruction
All that mattered, it seemed, was your name!    

So seeking for further amusement
He entered the den of CA
Where everyone looks fairly normal
But really they’re far from OK!

There was one bright young talent called Jimbo
Who sported a permanent smirk
And boldly he played with Sestinas
Till some thought his surname was Kirk.

Now Philip had heard about Jimbo
His tempers so moody and crass
So, grinning, he took his sharp goose quill
And poked it in Jimbo’s soft arm!

It was obvious Jimbo was angry
He permitted his finger to wag
Then jerking the quill from his armpit
He stuffed it right into his bag.

Now Roxane had seen the swift hand-sleight
And knew of the quill’s magic nib
She wondered what Phil’d do without it
She dreaded to see him ad lib.

So keeping an eye on the culprit
She e-mailed her friend Jenni P
“The bad news is Jim’s got the quill pen,
but at least now he’ll write poetry”!    

Some things though need Moderation
As Jenni and Rox knew so well
Ole Brad was the man to cool tempers
Bare Souled with a Red Rose Lapel.

He came and he said in his wise way
“This isn’t a matter for luck
There are no poetical issues
I guess that I’ll just pass the buck.

I am only concerned with the problem
Of whether a poet writes well
The person we need to get hold of
Is his Majesty Ronald Carnell!"

His Worship strode into the Forum
The tenants thereof all bowed low
They told him of Jim and the quill pen
And  waited for Philip to show.

The jury were all linked by e-mail
Kristine, Pete and Haze were all there
Jerome and Jamaica were lurking
When Trevor emerged from his lair.

He shouted, “I’ve seen Phil and Jimbo
abscond with the quill travellin’ west
it seems that they’ve now become partners
and they’re claimin’ that their verse is best.”




[This message has been edited by Poertree (edited 01-30-2000).]

© Copyright 2000 Poertree - All Rights Reserved
caul
Junior Member
since 2000-01-07
Posts 12

1 posted 2000-01-29 07:08 PM



I was brought up listening to these poems recited by my father in a true Lancashire ( Blackburn ) accent, my favorite was about Sam who was reluctant to pick up a certain firearm knocked over by a third party.  

I’m glad to see someone is continuing this fine tradition ( though they may go down better in Preston than Passions )  

Thanks for my nostalgia fix.  


 Yes, I admit your general rule. That every poet is a fool:
But I myself may serve to show it. That every fool is not a poet.


Wordshaman
Member
since 2000-01-17
Posts 110
Illinois, USA
2 posted 2000-01-30 05:45 AM


lol--I only wish I were of strong enough opinion to be included in the poem...
Poertree
Senior Member
since 1999-11-05
Posts 1359
UK
3 posted 2000-01-30 05:55 AM


You ARE WS .. lol

I just thought that both of us ganging up on poor ole Jim might have been too much for even his robust sense of humour ...  

Maybe next time !!!

P

jbouder
Member Elite
since 1999-09-18
Posts 2534
Whole Sort Of Genl Mish Mash
4 posted 2000-01-30 08:26 AM


Philip:

You have entirely TOO MUCH time on your hands, my friend.  TBMCLAHMHOMB (Tipped Back My Chair Laughing And Hit My Head On My Bookcase).  The ending was perfect (and the scary thing is that it is it is so easy to believe).  So, spoken in my broad Lancastrian (PA, USA) accent, thanks for the bump on the back of my head, Philip.  



 Jim

"If I rest, I rust." - Martin Luther


Buffpimp
Junior Member
since 2000-01-23
Posts 39

5 posted 2000-01-30 09:02 AM


Hey man,
    That was REALLY GOOD!  It kind of got me out of my depressing life for a second.  I laughed TONS!  Keep up the good work man.  It is REALLY HUMUROUS!

warmhrt
Senior Member
since 1999-12-18
Posts 1563

6 posted 2000-01-30 10:25 AM


Loved this, Philip, especially the phrase, "sported a permanent smirk".  That comes from his being such a smart... well, you know. I'm not sure if I'd be breaking the rules if I finished that.

Great piece, Philip,
Kristine

Not A Poet
Member Elite
since 1999-11-03
Posts 3885
Oklahoma, USA
7 posted 2000-01-31 12:00 PM


Philip, this was great. I just finished reading and commenting on Trevor's "A Father's Son, A Momma's Boy" and thought I would be depressed the rest of the day. Reading this has completely extricated me from the depths of that depression. Now I think it will be a good day after all.

Thanks.


 Pete

What terms shall I find sufficiently simple in their sublimity --
sufficiently sublime in their simplicity --
for the mere enunciation of my theme?
Edgar Allan Poe



Post A Reply Post New Topic ⇧ top of page ⇧ Go to Previous / Newer Topic Back to Topic List Go to Next / Older Topic
All times are ET (US). All dates are in Year-Month-Day format.
navwin » Archives » Critical Analysis #1 » For Jim and all of you .. may make u laugh !!

Passions in Poetry | pipTalk Home Page | Main Poetry Forums | 100 Best Poems

How to Join | Member's Area / Help | Private Library | Search | Contact Us | Login
Discussion | Tech Talk | Archives | Sanctuary