Sonnet (Thanks to Jenni & Jerome)

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Poertree
Senior Member

since 1999-11-05

Posts 1359
UK

0 posted 2000-01-24 08:21 AM

I watch thee write with quill inspired delight,
And see the curve of joy thy lips reveal,
Vicariously thriving on the sight,
Of maid and magic weaving dream to real.
From Golden Egg came Golden Goose, and quill
from which flows golden words, which poured upon
the parchment captivate my heart and thrill
my age dulled senses to thy youthful song.
But time will wear and blacken even gold,
And feathered shafts can split and splinter too,
Youth’s bloom will fade and fair words hard to hold
When inspiration dies and verses few.
Yet even so thy heart such words will find,
To trace for me the beauty of thy mind.

Not A Poet
Member Elite

since 1999-11-03

Posts 3885
Oklahoma, USA

1 posted 2000-01-24 10:23 AM

Excellent. My only suggestion regards the use of lower case to begin the lines of the second quatrain. Was this just a typo or did you intend it that way? If intentional, I don't see a reason for it.

Thanks for the sonnet.

Pete

What terms shall I find sufficiently simple in their sublimity --
sufficiently sublime in their simplicity --
for the mere enunciation of my theme?
Edgar Allan Poe

jbouder
Member Elite

since 1999-09-18

Posts 2534
Whole Sort Of Genl Mish Mash

2 posted 2000-01-24 03:17 PM

Hey Philip:

Good to see you back to your old, vigorous self. Before I forget, my sonnet was partially inspire by yours, not meant to be a rebuttal to it.

I must say (*sorry attempt at an English accent*) this sonnet is quite good. The only words that gave me trouble were "Vicariously" in Line 3 and "words" in Line 11. The syllable count is right for "Vicariously" but I want to rush the ending when I read the word naturally and this threw my rhythm off. I also had a hard time reading "words" in Line 11 as unstressed when it follows "fair". Probably just me with the latter problem, though. We all know how hard a time we Pennsylvanians have with phonics.

Jim

"If I rest, I rust." - Martin Luther

jenni
Member

since 1999-09-11

Posts 478
Washington D.C.

3 posted 2000-01-24 06:35 PM

philip--

good one, philip... i especially liked "but time will wear and blacken even gold", very good line there. gotta agree with james on "vicariously," but your couplet is simply beautiful.

nice work!

jenni

warmhrt
Senior Member

since 1999-12-18

Posts 1563

4 posted 2000-01-24 08:59 PM

Very nice work, Philip. You have quite a way with the sonnet.

warmhrt

Brad
Member Ascendant

since 1999-08-20

Posts 5705
Jejudo, South Korea

5 posted 2000-01-25 02:08 AM

Phillip,
I can't believe you guys are actually doing this stuff (and you're getting the 'thee's and 'thy's right as well -- I've read stuff where people don't -- not that I'd ever think you'd make that mistake)

Okay, let's send poetry and English back a few hundred years. At least, they're fun to read.

the ogre,
Brad

poetry_kills
Senior Member

since 1999-12-04

Posts 549
new orleans

6 posted 2000-01-25 06:21 PM

Poertree: I really like this one a lot... especially the couplet... very nice work

feel almost shamed by all the sonnets that are being produced that upstage mine by so much

And poor brad *heh*... I still like the sonnet form though and you created this one perfectly...

sincerely,
jerome the boy with no brain

A savage place! as holy and enchanted
As e'er beneath a waning moon was haunted
By woman wailing for her demon-lover!
~Coleridge

Hawk183
Member

since 1999-12-24

Posts 130

7 posted 2000-01-25 07:15 PM

Can't say much about the form, but the poem itself is very good! Thanks for the read!

Hawk

jamaicabradley
Junior Member

since 1999-11-04

Posts 39

8 posted 2000-01-26 12:43 PM

Well, I have not been here for a while, and I must say it is refreshing to come back to such a nice piece. I really enjoyed it.

Jamaica

DesertJana
Junior Member

since 2000-01-26

Posts 19
USA

9 posted 2000-01-26 01:17 PM

Absolutely Beautiful! This is an extremely well crafted work!

Strong Kudos!

roxane
Senior Member

since 1999-09-02

Posts 505
us

10 posted 2000-01-27 04:52 PM

philip-
i missed this one.  you know it's great, right?  you must know it.  (even though i don't care for the archaic thee, thou, thy, etc-th, i still love it.)
it's excellent imagery, and i was surprised when i realized that it was a sonnet.  (didn't read the title, just the poet's name, and i knew i had to read it).  you write so well, you never compromise your words for the structure, the structure compromises for you.  and no one is the wiser.
this is great.  you should really post more often.
take care

Not A Poet
Member Elite

since 1999-11-03

Posts 3885
Oklahoma, USA

11 posted 2000-09-27 01:06 PM

Well Libbi,

Look here, I found another great one

Seem as though old Philip was being a bit modest in not providing you with his entrance into the archaic language fray. As usual, his use of language, whether old or new, is quite refreshing (might almost say innovative) and pleasing to read. So, do study this one also in your efforts to write sonnets.

And Philip,

Don't be so bloody modest next time. BTW, that couplet IS just stunning.

Pete

[This message has been edited by Not A Poet (edited 09-27-2000).]

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