Critical Analysis #1 |
You and me . . |
Stargazer Junior Member
since 2000-01-21
Posts 16Alvordton, OH USA |
Watch me your eyes are my rainbows shining in my cloudy sky after the rain all the tears are worth one look so intent so intense like I am the only thing you need Hold me your arms so strong like vises holding my love securely as if your would die if it ever left and I cannot let you die so I breath and smile against your shoulder Kiss me your lips like gloves upon mine fitting so well and keeping me warm making me feel safe Love me your love is all I need and I can survive but without it I can only pine for you and cry hollow tears that fall on my pillow like rain on a drum Stargazer "I wish they would only take me as I am." -Vincent Van Gogh |
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© Copyright 2000 Crystal Dawn Suydam - All Rights Reserved | |||
Hawk183 Member
since 1999-12-24
Posts 130 |
Stargazer, You write of love so elequantly... There is emotion here that is very touching. The only thing I didn't care for was describing your tears as hollow...for I think that in times of loss, out tears hold weight...they pour from our crying hearts... Maybe you could say , I can only pine for you and cry unanswered tears...just a thought I did really enjoy the poem though...thanks. Hawk |
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Wendy Flora Member
since 2000-01-11
Posts 182Virginia |
I like! Very nice use of right-margined text... -wen "Well she wants to live her life, then she thinks about her life... Pulls her hair back as she screams, I don't really want to live this life!" -Train "Meet Virginia" |
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