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Critical Analysis #1
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A new poem
| Critical Analysis #1 |
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A new poem |
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patchoulipumpkin Member
since 2000-01-01
Posts 196Bermuda |
A new poem I read some poetry And I really wonder Not about the poetry But over my intelligence What am I missing? How come everybody likes him? There must be something Wrong Inherently Wrong In me Why are his words in a book? If his works suck Why is he praised by critics? When he can’t write I know he does write But he seems as worse off as me Searching Figuring metaphors Seducing with similes Manipulating with space He’s got it all He does it all Makes tons o’ cash Sleeps with the women That swoon over his vibrating Dialect Intellect And smile I want so badly to understand Why Him Where’s the spark La magie The excitement But realize If I do try I’ll short change myself Make myself Something else Other than me So I swallow My truth My little kernel of the pie And dance as hard As fast And as frantic as I can With sadness Melancholy And all her siblings Revelling in our shared truth That the world is not as we’d like it We sweat out the anger Rage Hate Fear Self-doubt And indecision In order, to start To begin To write A new world From a new poem Without a book to protect it |
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| © Copyright 2000 patchoulipumpkin - All Rights Reserved | |||
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Ted Reynolds Member
since 1999-12-15
Posts 331 |
First, friend Patchouli Pumpkin, do you have a nickname? Save me a few keystrokes by telling it to me. As for the questions in your poem, I don't really find them so agonizing. If you write to express yourself, to contact others of your sort, to create something you're pleased with yourself, you're doing just the right thing here, and should get pleasure from it. If you want to write for money, prestige, or sexual encounters, I suggest you learn more about the real income and social life of the average professional poet. Learning the truth about that might also give you pleasure. As for the poem itself, I like it. Can't you tell? Give us more. |
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jbouder Member Elite
since 1999-09-18
Posts 2534Whole Sort Of Genl Mish Mash |
Patch: I liked this. An old Professor of mine used to always say, "True dedication doesn't need an audience." That one stuck with me. Question: What is a little "kernel" of a pie? I suppose it could mean a "central" or "essential" part of the pie but I don't see how it flows with the meaning I get from the line. I really enjoyed your last two stanzas, the negative feelings fueling the creation of new poems. Thanks for the read. Jim "If I rest, I rust." - Martin Luther |
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Wordshaman Member
since 2000-01-17
Posts 110Illinois, USA |
Patch...I loved this piece. Speaks the questions I've had for a long time. But...I do have to say that it is often my own literal (literary) immaturity or shortcomings that disallows me enjoyment in something. In the same vein, I outgrow things that once fit into my maturity spectrum, so perhaps it will come to be later on that your severe hatreds of today will tomorrow be your greatest joys. As far as the piece, the third from the last stanza needs to go. You went from a hard opinion piece straight into a somewhat complicated metaphor. I was entirely unprepared for it, as I was thinking about what you were saying. It read as "....blah blah blah..." after the first couple words. But overall I like the piece. Well put, fair poet. Wordshaman |
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