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Suki Riser
| Critical Analysis #1 |
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Suki Riser |
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haze Senior Member
since 1999-11-03
Posts 528Bethlehem, PA USA 
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She called me Suki Riser Up & Out from the bottom of green Carnival Glass Somebody tossed into small hands Reclaimed Polished Filled with flowers Mammy's rose water and splinters We floated on splinters Pink blushed China Dolls on blue & white gingham nobody remembers but me and that blonde girl who drug me out by feet from under the sink Pushed back Head first Go Away when father found out she was talking to herself No I don't think so (but we didn't say that) Then we twisted yellow dacron polyester bows two wings to fly above edges Read Cat-In-The-Hat poetry Upside down Below the water Sorry She couldn't swim But now she's a Riser just like me An Imaginary Friend. |
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| © Copyright 2000 Haze McElhenny - All Rights Reserved | |||
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Ted Reynolds Member
since 1999-12-15
Posts 331 |
One of those funny things you run into critiquing, Haze. I haven't the slightest idea of "the storyline" behind your poem . . . but I like it an awful lot anyway. One doesn't have to grasp to feel, you know. I'll have to sit on it a while. Thanks for your thoughts on my "blues," by the way. I'll sit on that one a while too. |
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Hawk183 Member
since 1999-12-24
Posts 130 |
Haze.... This one got me going in circles...reading and rereading. I think I got the idea except for the last stanza...I'm not to sure. This was great fun to read though, it seems so surreal and I find that intriquing.(Like an Escher piece)Great! Hawk |
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haze Senior Member
since 1999-11-03
Posts 528Bethlehem, PA USA |
I'll hate myself for this but...Here you are The Boil Down: This poem is told in the voice of the imaginary friend... "She called me Suki Riser Up & Out from the bottom of green Carnival Glass Somebody tossed into small hands Reclaimed Polished Filled with flowers Mammy's rose water and splinters" >a LITTLE GIRL HAD AN IMAGINARY FRIEND...THEY PLAYED WITH AN OLD FISH BOWL FILLED WITH FLOWERS, ROSE WATER AND DEAD STUFF< "We floated on splinters Pink blushed China Dolls on blue & white gingham nobody remembers but me and that blonde girl who drug me out by feet from under the sink Pushed back Head first Go Away when father found out she was talking to herself" >HER FATHER DIDN'T LIKE HER IMAGINATION, ACCUSED HER OF BEING DAFT, SO SHE HAD TO HIDE SUKI RISER UNDER THE SINK< "No I don't think so (but we didn't say that) Then we twisted yellow dacron polyester bows two wings to fly above edges Read Cat-In-The-Hat poetry Upside down Below the water Sorry She couldn't swim But now she's a Riser just like me An Imaginary Friend." >THE GIRL WAS TRYING TO ESCAPE BOREDOM & ABUSE, SHE WENT DEEP INTO THE WORLD OF IMAGINATION BECAUSE THAT WAS THE ONLY PLACE SHE WAS SAFE. THE RESULTING NEUROTICS WERE AN ACCIDENT (LIKE DROWNING) *sorry for the caps...I had to separate it somehow. Thank you both much for the read! TA ~haze |
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J.L. Humphres Member
since 2000-01-03
Posts 201Alabama |
haze, You are a poet after my own heart. The ideas you express are so unique. This one is no exception. I love the perspective from which this is written. Great poem. J.L.H. P.S. I also like the format you used here, it really adds something, although I'm not sure why.  Jason I...I have seen the best minds of my generation... --Allen Ginsberg |
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J.L. Humphres Member
since 2000-01-03
Posts 201Alabama |
haze, You are a poet after my own heart. The ideas you express are so unique. This one is no exception. I love the perspective from which this is written. Great poem. J.L.H. P.S. I also like the format you used here, it really adds something, although I'm not sure why. Jason I...I have seen the best minds of my generation... --Allen Ginsberg |
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haze Senior Member
since 1999-11-03
Posts 528Bethlehem, PA USA |
JLH...Thank you! "My ideas are unique"-Best thing anyone has said to me all day!!! (and after I just told some one "there is nothing new under the sun") Thank you twice...TA ~haze |
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Ted Reynolds Member
since 1999-12-15
Posts 331 |
Well, now I can't feel so foolish for not having figured out your "storyline" -- I didn't have a chance. But you remind me of something vital about true poetry. Even if they're not fully understood, one can tell when there IS real content behind the words. The feeling, the complexity comes through, as it doesn't with nonsense. Good work. I'll be looking for more. |
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haze Senior Member
since 1999-11-03
Posts 528Bethlehem, PA USA |
Thank you Thank you Ted Reynolds I think this is why we read poems sitting down. It is something that must be thought of, or felt. I don't expect this piece to speak to everyone. It has a specific audience but the message should be universal, "Abuse Kills". Thank you again TR...Til Again...~haze |
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jbouder Member Elite
since 1999-09-18
Posts 2534Whole Sort Of Genl Mish Mash |
Haze: I'm sorry I got to this AFTER your interpretation. This one wasn't my favorite but, with you, even when they are not "your best" (in my opinion) they are excellent. I think if the meaning was more clear the poem would have more impact. Some clues are given to suggest some neurosis in the girl but the only clue I could find that would suggest abuse would be "Go Away when father found out she was talking to herself." What is missing from this, to me, is the "why" there is an imaginary friend. I see it in your explanation but not in the body of the poem. The last line is powerful but mostly because I understood it in light of your explanation. At first reading I thought it was some obscure reference to the dunking tanks used in Colonial American to force confessions from suspected witches. Don't even ask me again: "Does everything need and explanation with you, Jim?" You already know the answer to that.  Thanks again, Haze, for a good read. Jim "If I rest, I rust." - Martin Luther |
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haze Senior Member
since 1999-11-03
Posts 528Bethlehem, PA USA |
sliced & diced by one of the best...Thank you...I am working on it...I see (and have been seeing) exactly what you mean. Thanks again JB (truly) Til Again...~haze |
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jbouder Member Elite
since 1999-09-18
Posts 2534Whole Sort Of Genl Mish Mash |
LOL @ "one of the best" (you should see my first post!). And "sliced and diced" is so harsh. I prefer "subjected to critical scrutiny." I look forward to reading the finished product.Jim "If I rest, I rust." - Martin Luther |
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roxane Senior Member
since 1999-09-02
Posts 505us |
not only is this a great work of poetry, but it's also highly imaginative. not many people would take this approach to writing about an imaginary friend. "suki riser"? is there a certain formula for how you came up with that name? i remember that i had a host of imaginary friends, i still remember their names, and i had an alter ego which i assumed in talking to them. are you ready for this? my name was hottie the hot bean!! my best friend was cream cheese belly button, and we had a teacher named ms. ketchup. i know, i know. what i like most about this poem, though, is its almost violent images, drowning, pushing, dragging. i'm trying to conjure up a theme here, but mostly drawing a blank. to me, it has a lot to do with losing one's child like innocence. the little girl scolded for talking to herself!! shoving the imaginary friend away. i guess there are many levels that this poem may be interpretted. another good thing is the erratic line breaks. it reads like choppy waves: hestation, but fluid like hestitation. you get the impression that those years under the sink have been hard for suki, and she has trouble recounting the tale. as always haze, a singular, fantastic read. |
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haze Senior Member
since 1999-11-03
Posts 528Bethlehem, PA USA |
Roxanne... THANK YOU! I was just about to give up on Suki (again). Suki Riser was my friend's name...Its more telling than I can say and maybe that's why it reads that way. I guess (like "Sisters") this has an audience...you had to have been there. The greatest gift I could receive, is knowing I could reach someone... On Other Stuff: I do not conform to tradition. I dispell it. I learn it study and then take it apart. I break the lines as I want you to feel them. To balance, I try to make the words flow (sometimes) Sometimes not...If you ever want to join me in BEAT HEAVEN....start here http://downtowngurrl.tripod.com There is also an array of links for you to try. THANK YOU AGAIN! |
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warmhrt Senior Member
since 1999-12-18
Posts 1563 |
Haze, Again, a very intriguing read. I love your work...the way you are able to put feeling before the meaning, just like an abstract work of art. I agree with Jim about more reference to abuse, but I did figure most of it out, especially with the sign-off. warmhrt [This message has been edited by warmhrt (edited 01-13-2000).] |
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haze Senior Member
since 1999-11-03
Posts 528Bethlehem, PA USA |
warmhrt thank you much, for the read & the education. So I can proudly say I am no longer neurotic...Thank you. |
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jbouder Member Elite
since 1999-09-18
Posts 2534Whole Sort Of Genl Mish Mash |
So now you're anxious, dissociative, and depressed, Haze? Awww. Big hugs. Jim "If I rest, I rust." - Martin Luther |
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Local Rebel Member Ascendant
since 1999-12-21
Posts 5767Southern Abstentia |
I missed this one before. I think I really really love this one. Explore it further please. This could be a series. Drop Dead Fred didn't do so bad now did it? TA.. XX |
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karneliann Junior Member
since 1999-10-28
Posts 44Baltimore, MD, USA |
haze- i love love love this. what i think i enjoyed most was the use of words that i think of as childhood, domestic words, like china, gingham, carnival, bows, etc., to express such unchildish ideas. these words are combined with harsh ones like splinters and drug, and tweaked just so so that i get a quite disturbing impression. excellent imagery, which is what i thrive on. p.s.- and my imaginary companion was chaybeekogee (spelled phonetically, cuz i've rarely had the need to write it). "My empire is of the imagination." -- She |
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Brad Member Ascendant
since 1999-08-20
Posts 5705Jejudo, South Korea |
I think Karnellian's point is particularly apt here. The perspective is great, the images fantastic (as usual), and a powerful voice. However, "No, I don't think so" reminds me of Bush a bit too much. I smiled when I saw you talk about the Beats and tradition. At what point does a movement become part of a tradition? How long does it take before we realize that the rebellion, the revolution was successful and that this poem is more conventional today than writing a sonnet? You can certainly argue that it has more of the 'spirit' of our age but you can't say that it isn't part of the Western traditon of poetics. Brad |
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haze Senior Member
since 1999-11-03
Posts 528Bethlehem, PA USA |
Brad...compliments...really? Thank you. Regarding Movements: Hang Out In Any NewsGroups Lately? I will, however, concede The OutLaw Poets are now mainstream...*g* (Amazon is even selling the OutLaw Bible) So smile on...I'm still a beat fighting a revolution (even if its only between me & JB) You know what they say...Once A Green Peace Missionary, you'll always own the beret. Thanks Again For The Fine Praise Poet! TA...~haze "I shall leave nothing before matchsticks." |
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jenni Member
since 1999-09-11
Posts 478Washington D.C. |
haze-- i've read this like a bizillion times now, and i have found it intriguing at every read. i finally read your explanation and was baffled; i just don't see where the abuse or the nueorsis is. but i agree with karneliann, your word choice here is simply wounderful; and the seamless flow of words and lines rewards the reader with a rich experience. thanks for sharing it with us-- jenni [This message has been edited by jenni (edited 01-13-2000).] |
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