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Critical Analysis #1

Incalescence

Masked Intruder

Moderator

Senior Member

since 1999-05-23

Posts 1231
Near golden sunsets

0 posted 1999-07-13 11:00 AM

Five nights I bask in loneliness,
Surrounded by nothing but a sea
Of emptiness and solitude.
Can I sit by your fire?
Become warm once again,
With the heat of your inner flame?
Teeth clatter loudly
As chill sweeps through my blood.
My desperate eyes find yours
And beg one hospitable moment,
One granule of warmth
From the only person
Left alive in the world,
In my mind, in my soul.

invertigo18
Member

since 1999-06-14

Posts 53
Prairieville, LA., USA

1 posted 1999-07-13 01:14 PM

Very passionate. I love love poems. I am a sucker for poems that are metered well though. I don't know if you were just writing your thoughts, or if you were trying to meter it. If you weren't, then you did a good job. If you were attempting to meter it, you could use a little more work. Personally though, I loved it.

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Luke Cakalic

Masked Intruder

Moderator

Senior Member

since 1999-05-23

Posts 1231
Near golden sunsets

2 posted 1999-07-13 01:59 PM

I personally hate trying to put a poem into meter, but I agree that it makes a work so much better. This one wasn't an attempt in meter at all, so thank you for the compliment. *grins*

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