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The View
| Critical Analysis #1 |
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The View |
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Songbird Member Elite
since 1999-12-15
Posts 2184Missouri |
The View It was a beautiful day So they say The sun was warm But I couldn't feel it The sunbeams froze When they touched my heart Now the day is done And it's like it never was For I walked alone In another land Where clouds hung low And spoiled the view. |
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| © Copyright 1999 Marcia Estep - All Rights Reserved | |||
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Trevor Senior Member
since 1999-08-12
Posts 700Canada |
Hello, I found this entry a little too vague and light....perhaps a little cliched as well. "It was a beautiful day So they say The sun was warm But I couldn't feel it" What does your version of a beautiful day look, smell, feel and taste like? "The sunbeams froze When they touched my heart" Too light, not enough depth for the theme. "Now the day is done And it's like it never was" Again too vague. "For I walked alone In another land Where clouds hung low And spoiled the view." Perhaps expand on your theme. What was your land like, why did the "clouds" hang low? Why and how were you hurt? Thanks for the read, take care, Trevor |
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Songbird Member Elite
since 1999-12-15
Posts 2184Missouri |
Trevor, thanks for the comment, I just wanted to see what kind of reaction I would get to an older poem I wrote several years ago when I was in severe depression. I guess it is vague because that is how the world appears to you when you are in that state of mind. It is really out of focus. Have a Happy New Year! |
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dispatch debbie Junior Member
since 1999-12-29
Posts 16Michigan |
Certainly expresses the cold, emptiness of depression....stark. It is hard to expound when in this state but I, too, would have felt it stronger with just a little more. Treat others the way you wish to be treated. |
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