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A Heartbeat Away
| Critical Analysis #1 |
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A Heartbeat Away |
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HM3 Member
since 1999-07-15
Posts 169TX |
You seem so close I can almost touch you Just beyond my reach, a heartbeat away What can I say, what can I do? Tumbling down, so close so far away When I scream you don't see me Might as well just talk to myself When I cry you can't feel me But I can't reach for someone else As I tumble you look right thru me The deafening silence you put me through Never reaching out to hold me My friend the statue without a clue Work like money doesn't matter, love like you've never been hurt, dance like nobody's watching... |
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| © Copyright 1999 Mark Ozee - All Rights Reserved | |||
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Songbird Member Elite
since 1999-12-15
Posts 2184Missouri |
I really like this it seems to flow right from the heart, and is honest about the pain one feels when there loved one is unable to communicate. Thank you for the read. |
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jbouder Member Elite
since 1999-09-18
Posts 2534Whole Sort Of Genl Mish Mash |
HM3: Your poem is quite moving and I enjoyed reading it.  But, damn I hate being a wet blanket, this is CA, right? Isn't "a heartbeat away" usually a measure of time rather than distance? Wouldn't "a hairsbreadth away" be more accurate? But then you would have to change your title. "A Hairsbreadth Away" isn't so bad though, huh?  Jim "If I rest, I rust." - Martin Luther |
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HM3 Member
since 1999-07-15
Posts 169TX |
To most perhaps a heartbeat is a measure of time, but I think it is also the distance between two estranged people trying to find the way back. And the desired closeness is just a hearbeat away...and so I wait. Work like money doesn't matter, love like you've never been hurt, dance like nobody's watching... |
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haze Senior Member
since 1999-11-03
Posts 528Bethlehem, PA USA |
oh the tortures of unrequitted love...You have done very well with this in honest and true voice...Kudos |
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