I Want to Dance - pipTalk Forums

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Critical Analysis #1

I Want to Dance

warmhrt
Senior Member

since 1999-12-18

Posts 1563

0 posted 1999-12-25 09:32 PM

i want
to dance,
take you
unto me,
and we'll step
without boundary
into a sea,
where exists
no melancholy,
no inadequacy,
or controversial reality,
it is all a fallacy,
but you will disentangle me,
tango me,
jive with me,
waltz tip-toe
cross the sandy floor,
shimmy till we can no more,
sense the rhythm beating
from waves above,
the music in our
hearts does play,
so very sweet,
and so complete,
thus we dream.

warmhrt

Kenneth Ray Taylor
Member

since 1999-11-11

Posts 139
Duluth, Minnesota, USA

1 posted 1999-12-26 10:18 AM

A lovely and fanciful love poem. I like it's playful and fun nature. And the way it expresses love and invokes an innocent sensuality, without even mentioning any of the standard "love" words.

I especially like the play on sounds "you will disentangle me,
tango me."

Fairy Colours
Member

since 1999-12-02

Posts 169
Sunrise,Fl,US

2 posted 1999-12-26 05:01 PM

This is a really cute poem. I like this part most of all though: "but you will disentangle me,
tango me,
jive with me,
waltz tip-toe
cross the sandy floor,
shimmy till we can no more,"

Awesome

Songbird
Member Elite

since 1999-12-15

Posts 2184
Missouri

3 posted 1999-12-27 12:28 PM

Hey I like it, but I hope you don't mind me commenting, guess you don't or you wouldn't post it here? I would take off the last 7 lines and let it end with shimmy till we can dance no more. The first part is entertaining enough it doesn't need a summary in my opinion. Still friends I hope.

warmhrt
Senior Member

since 1999-12-18

Posts 1563

4 posted 1999-12-27 02:13 AM

KRT and Fairy...I'm glad you enjoyed this; it was meant to be fun, playful.
Septsong, of course we're still friends. I appreciate anyone who takes the time to read my work, and give any suggestions or ideas that they think might improve it. Don't ever worry about me being insulted by a critique...that's how we learn.
Thanks again, you three,

warmhrt

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