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Villanelle on Thirteen
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Villanelle on Thirteen |
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Kenneth Ray Taylor Member
since 1999-11-11
Posts 139Duluth, Minnesota, USA |
Poertree's masterful "Temporal Illusion" inspired me to try to write my own Villanelle. I made several unsucessful stabs at it, but then came up with this poem. It's odd how ideas come to you. A Villanelle is a 19-line poem in which the first and third lines become refrains that recur throughout the poem at regular intervals. In analysing the form, I told myself that I had to come up with thirteen lines of poetry--not counting the repetition of the refrain lines. The number thirteen then suggested this poem: Thirteen His words are dark, as if to grieve the heavied heart, the throbbing brain. The keeper of coins seems eager to leave. He takes the care to wash the feet of underlings who greatness feign. His words are dark, as if to grieve: "'Midst you who sit with me at meat, a traiter lurks." In heaven's name! The keeper of coins seems eager to leave. From whence this talk that he perceives such treachery? am I to blame? His words are dark, as if to grieve! A fisherman boasts his loyalty to death. "Dispelled by dawn, your claim!" The keeper of coins seems eager to leave. Thirteen diners, one a thief; but, lo, for two, few hours remain. His words are dark as if to grieve the keeper of coins, who's eager to leave. [This message has been edited by Kenneth Ray Taylor (edited 12-22-1999).] |
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| © Copyright 1999 Kenneth Ray Taylor - All Rights Reserved | |||
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Fairy Colours Member
since 1999-12-02
Posts 169Sunrise,Fl,US |
I think this is absolutely exquisite. You definately did a great job with this. --A Little Fairy-- |
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warmhrt Senior Member
since 1999-12-18
Posts 1563 |
A significant accomplishment! Quite a spin on the Last Supper. Have you ever tried a sestina? I bet you'd be great at that too. Congrats, warmhrt |
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Songbird Member Elite
since 1999-12-15
Posts 2184Missouri |
I love it! It is a work of art in my opinion. |
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Kenneth Ray Taylor Member
since 1999-11-11
Posts 139Duluth, Minnesota, USA |
Thank you all. I had to look up what a sestina is . Quite an unusual form. That's what Nan's class is working on, isn't it? I liked the idea of not having to come up with rhymes--quite different from the villanelle which has two rhymes repeated throughout. How does someone join Nan's class? I don't know if I could keep up. |
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jbouder Member Elite
since 1999-09-18
Posts 2534Whole Sort Of Genl Mish Mash |
Lets see ... my trusty poetry book describes the villanelle as follows: "Five stanzas of three lines each and a final stanza of four lines (aba, aba, aba, aba, aba, abaa). Only two rhyme sounds are permitted throughout. The first line and third lines of the first stanza are refrain lines. Line 1 reappears at the end of the second and fourth stanzas and as the third line in the sixth stanza; line 3 reappears at the end of the 3rd, 5th, and 6th stanzas." That said, geeze, Kenneth! You trying to hurt yourself?  Seriously, it appears that you have followed the rules pretty well (I have no experience with villanelles but perhaps Brad would see fit to issue another one of his challenges). I would be interested in seeing what our buddy Poertree would have to say about the rhyme scheme. If it is true that only two rhyming words are permitted in a villanelle, then there may be a few minor rhyming problems. The technical jargon aside, the poem was very interesting. You've certainly set a mood early on and you kept it going throughout. I really enjoyed this. Jim "If I rest, I rust." - Martin Luther |
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Kenneth Ray Taylor Member
since 1999-11-11
Posts 139Duluth, Minnesota, USA |
Jim, Thank you. Most of these poetry forms were invented in other languages. Most languages compared to English are rather monotonous. Thus it's easy to rhyme in Italian or French. Their shopping lists probably rhyme inadvertently But in English, one has to settle for near-rhymes. Pure rhyming in English begins to sound like Dr. Seuss. But then again I like Dr. Seuss who is, in my opinion, "the Bard of the 20th Century." By the way, which book do you use for reference. Mine is "Lewis Turco's New Book of Forms." He's coming out with an update called simply "The Book of Forms." I like his book, but don't care for his poems. |
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jbouder Member Elite
since 1999-09-18
Posts 2534Whole Sort Of Genl Mish Mash |
My reference is the "New Rhyming Dictionary and Poets' Handbook" by Burges Johnson, Litt. D. Any other information you can give me on the villanelle will be much appreciated. The paragraph I quoted is all I currently have on the villanelle. As for English rhyming beginning to sound like Dr. Seuss, Brad suggested that I begin trying to use more "enjambment" in my poetry (rhyme words not being the end words in lines. I think this takes some of the Dr. Seuss-iness out of it. And I thought Brad was the Bard of the 20th century?Again, good job on your first villanelle. Jim "If I rest, I rust." - Martin Luther |
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Kenneth Ray Taylor Member
since 1999-11-11
Posts 139Duluth, Minnesota, USA |
Jim, I guess if I'm going to enter the new millenium with a clear conscience, I'll have to confess my darkest secret: I'm just not that good at coming up with rhyming words that don't sound forced. I'm a very lazy poet. I then try to justify my failings with high-sounding rationalizations. The older I get the more free verse I write. Then I look at my poem and if I find two identical sounds, I fancy myself a master of alliteration. |
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Willem Member
since 1999-11-18
Posts 139Inverness, FL, USA |
I call this an excellent poem, 'villanelle' or whatever. Yet another rendition of the familiar Bible story around the Last Supper, when Jesus said He knew there was a traitor among the disciples. Judas got the message, fled and later committed suicide. Very well written. Willem |
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Kenneth Ray Taylor Member
since 1999-11-11
Posts 139Duluth, Minnesota, USA |
Thank you Willem. And my "Last Supper" has an advantage over Leonardo da Vinci's: no one will ever cut away at it in order to enlarge the doorway. |
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jbouder Member Elite
since 1999-09-18
Posts 2534Whole Sort Of Genl Mish Mash |
Kenneth: Your confession prooves only this: That we are indeed our own toughest critics. Although I offer this advice with no small amount of hypocracy, just have fun with it, man! If after writing a piece you are a little bit better than before, how can you then call it a failing?  Jim "If I rest, I rust." - Martin Luther |
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