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Incest (a sonnet I think)
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Incest (a sonnet I think) |
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Poertree Senior Member
since 1999-11-05
Posts 1359UK |
I blush to turn my green diurnal cheek Toward the blaze of your maternal eye, To warm my sappy waters and to seek The flames which braise the flesh of my cool sky. Umbilically joined, a radii Of filial attraction whirling me, As centrifugally around I fly The grand inaction of your majesty. And yet I crave a loosening liberty, To wander and to blacken in the void, Or brave your scorch and choose to orbit thee More nearly than the track I once enjoyed. Let sun and son become so close entwined That all the rules of gravity unwind. |
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Fairy Colours Member
since 1999-12-02
Posts 169Sunrise,Fl,US |
Well, I don't know much about sonnets ( Except that they're really hard for me to write ) But you do have a pretty poem on your hands. --A Little Fairy-- |
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Not A Poet Member Elite
since 1999-11-03
Posts 3885Oklahoma, USA |
Yep, it appears to be a sonnet all right. But I confess I don't understand it very well, especially the second quatrain (I'm pretty dense after all).  Two things bothered me though. 1) The meter seemed at best difficult on two lines As centrifugally around I fly and And yet I crave a loosening liberty, In fact, I never could get the first one to come out. 2) The use of the archaic "thee" at the end of line 11 seemed out of place since no other such words were used, as if it just stuck in there to make the rhyme work. I see the importance of "liberty" but still would rather see some other resolution. Well, just my humble opinion. Pete |
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jbouder Member Elite
since 1999-09-18
Posts 2534Whole Sort Of Genl Mish Mash |
Philip: I hesitate to comment on the content of your sonnet because I am not certain that I am on the right track of understanding. Comparing the title to the relatively pleasant metaphoric language gives me the impression of a dark irony. I suspect that this poem is not about trees, leaves, the sun, or gravity, but, rather, that it has something to do with the rather fragile, confused emotional state of a victim of incest. Perhaps the sun is a metaphor for the parent, the tree (or plant) the child, and gravity the laws of nature. Were it not for your title I would not have even ventured a speculation in that direction (few subjects are more sensitive or less pleasant than incest). Far be it from you to make things easy on me, though, huh?  Poetically, I found it very enjoyable and thought provoking. I love a piece that raises big question marks at first reading and, consequently, require additional study. You are making me work for my enjoyment, though, my friend and you know how much we Americans hate to work! Structurally, this appears to be a Spenserian Sonnet (distinguished by a more restrictive rhyme scheme of abab/bcbc/cdcd/ee than its Shakespearean cousin which rhymes abab/cdcd/efef/gg). Most of the feet are iambic (the only exception I see is "Toward" in line 2 -- but that's according to Webster's ... Queen's English may very well pronounce it "to-WARD" ... enlighten me  ).Therefore, this is definitely a sonnet and a very good one at that. To Pete's comments, I agree that "centrifugally" gave me trouble but only because I had to slow down in my reading in order to avoid getting tongue tied. I think you were hearing "loos'ning" when you wrote "loosening" ... I did anyway. Pete, I think, raises a good point about the use of the word "thee" also. I think it flows well (as far as sound is concerned -- had Pete not pointed it out I would have overlooked it) but your using "you" and "your" in the rest of the piece does bring up a question about consistency. This is turning out to be pretty cool (this sonnet challenge I mean). So, those of you who are attempting these maddening things, what do you think? I am thinking about being especially cruel next time and suggesting a "Sestina Challenge 2000" for the new year. Jim "If I rest, I rust." - Martin Luther |
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Willem Member
since 1999-11-18
Posts 139Inverness, FL, USA |
I like this poem for its tonal and rhythmical values as well as for its interesting use of metaphor. I'm rather confused, however about the message it conveys, although some of the explanations offered before by other group members seem to make sense to me. The subject is either one of truly stellar proportions, or else an untouchable one for most of us, hence I'll withhold my opinion about it. Willem [This message has been edited by Willem (edited 12-22-1999).] |
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Brad Member Ascendant
since 1999-08-20
Posts 5705Jejudo, South Korea |
Well, I find the metaphors a bit too 'big' if this is a poem about real incest and I also hate the word 'thee' -- although as you see given the scope that I see this poem, whose to say how the earth talks? I think the poem is more unified is we read it as literally as possible: this is the earth talking to the sun and it's a love/hate relationship -- one the one hand, he (this is the one problem I see because I've never heard of the earth referred to as he, always she -- Gaea and all that) wants to break free of the sun and die a cold death and the other is to fall into the sun and burn up (and I suppose that's another problem with my interpretation because the laws of gravity wouldn't unwind in such a situation unless of course you mean that this would just sort of magically happen by unwind). I like the way the poem sounds but I prefer to see it as comic or spectacular rather than a societal comment. Just an opinion, Brad |
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Poertree Senior Member
since 1999-11-05
Posts 1359UK |
Thanks again to you all for the comments .. I am kind of busy at the moment so this will be short. Pete Yes the central part of the poem can be difficult to read but if read as I read it it sort of works ... lol as CENT tri FU gal LLY a ROUND i FLY and YET i CRAVE a LOOSE ning LIB er TY but there are lines in the poem that can be read with different stress from strict iambic pentameter. As for the difficulty in the central portion I kind of did it deliberately to try and rebel a little against the rhythm of a classical sonnet ... maybe I overdid it ... As for understanding .. it seems you weren't alone .. lol Jim You were right about both Loos'ning and to WARD (hey Brad we need the audio!) And you were on the right lines with your interpretation - but you know that from my mail, I'll follow through below in reply to Brad's post .... Oh yes and "thee" .. well I s'pose you both have a point ... hmmmphhh. Willem Thanks for the input. Check out below. Oh and have a great Christmas .Brad My own thoughts mirror yours to such an extent that for the first time I actually think it might be worth going back to this poem to try and revise it. Yes the metaphor does dominate to the point whether the message is perhaps drowned out. Perhaps the reason for that is that I was trying to present a "nice" or "sanitised" aspect of Incest. Maybe after your and Jim's comments I am convinced that Incest is too emotional a subject to be treated like that. I need to revisit the title and some other things I think. You are absolutely spot on target with the intended meaning .. there's nothing more I can say about that except that I never really thought of the planet as the Earth ... now of course I see there maybe a problem in calling the star "the Sun" (although I did use a small "s"). THEE - I knew you would hate .. when I wrote it I thought "Brad will hate this" so I carried on .I may eradicate it .. lol. Your other point is another I was dubious about. The "laws of gravity" were meant to be a metaphor for the human and natural laws which militate against Incest, but i did have doubts as you say about the accuracy of the metaphor itself .. yet another revisitation .. lol Back to the drawing board. Philip |
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Willem Member
since 1999-11-18
Posts 139Inverness, FL, USA |
Why not leave out any association with human emotions and/or behavior and limit its scope to a glowing description of interstellar attractions and movements? That by itself could present a dramatic picture of nature's awesome beauty, or the splendor of God's creation, depending on how one looks at it. I'm looking forward eagerly to what you will come up with in your revised version... Willem |
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