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He Wants A Holiday
| Critical Analysis #1 |
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He Wants A Holiday |
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haze Senior Member
since 1999-11-03
Posts 528Bethlehem, PA USA 
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In lights I want Saint Lucia 1979 and lunch lobster curry among patois strangers fri-fri pots under grass cabanas sand red volcanic remnants in pink sunsets over crisp Caribbean seas Contentment idling in glass globes floating ice dunes on equatorial waters of native 100 proof rum He wants snow and I want rain everyday at 3 PM not a drop left to show after 4 The Green Parrot Chef Hari and 4-star consume/thermadore/heat generated by the best champagne tongue kisses life has to offer from a holiday away. |
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| © Copyright 1999 Haze McElhenny - All Rights Reserved | |||
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Poertree Senior Member
since 1999-11-05
Posts 1359UK |
Haze, Never been there, but the best glossy brochures and adverts never came anywhere near this poem in conveying, sights, sounds, smell and tastes... ditto in spades on the kudos ..  Philip |
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haze Senior Member
since 1999-11-03
Posts 528Bethlehem, PA USA |
thanks Philip...I drew this from memory (a 1979 memory) After a month there I thought I would never return...TA...here I be...I truly appreciate the kudos and if you have a chance...go! |
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Not A Poet Member Elite
since 1999-11-03
Posts 3885Oklahoma, USA |
My, you make me want to go there also |
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Brad Member Ascendant
since 1999-08-20
Posts 5705Jejudo, South Korea |
Haze, just wanted to add my praise as well. You brought back images of Thailand for me which was a very similar experience to the one you describe here. My only suggestion would be to describe the relationship between the two characters slightly more -- the snow bit is interesting but sort of left hanging. Just an opinion, Brad |
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warmhrt Senior Member
since 1999-12-18
Posts 1563 |
Going to Maui this winter...your vivid imagery made me want to go right now! |
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haze Senior Member
since 1999-11-03
Posts 528Bethlehem, PA USA |
Thank you all for your praise and comments... It is the highest compliment to any poet to touch another or make them see and feel your subject...Thank you all again...~haze |
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jbouder Member Elite
since 1999-09-18
Posts 2534Whole Sort Of Genl Mish Mash |
Where do I get your book? The imagery here is powerful (if not dizzying at times). Keep them coming. Jim "If I rest, I rust." - Martin Luther |
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haze Senior Member
since 1999-11-03
Posts 528Bethlehem, PA USA |
Thank you Jim...I guess dizzying imagery is good... I am sad to say I don't have a book yet...I have been writing for more than 18 years and was published in more than several anthologies in the early 80's...Then I stopped writing publicly (for almost no reason) In 1998 I started writing again. These works are the fresh result. I thank you truly for the compliments, esp since we are of opposing poetic venues. I find traditional format taxing (although I do consider myself somewhat educated to the forms)I don't write it...I have lately forsaken punctuation to allow the reader to experience their natural breaks (even though a cap usually leads you to where the punctuation might occur) Natural breaks allow the reader to experience the poem and images in their time space as opposed to mine. I find it hard to even think in punctuated sentences...you would probably hate getting mail from me...LOL... I thank you again...your fine comments mean more to me than you know...TA ~haze |
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jbouder Member Elite
since 1999-09-18
Posts 2534Whole Sort Of Genl Mish Mash |
Oh! The pain! The horror! The agony! "Opposing poetic venues"?  You are right about one thing. Traditional formats are taxing. Particularly when you are trying to mold a very unstructured, personal thought or feeling into a prescribed format without sacrificing any of the meaning of that thought or feeling. Come to think of it, why would anyone want to do that? Just kidding, of course. Seriously, I've been writing poetry for three months so I am not sure if I am allowed to have a "poetry venue" yet (okay, so that wasn't "seriously"). Brad? What are the time prerequisites for having a venue? Thanks for the reply. And thanks again for the read.< !signature--> Jim "If I rest, I rust." - Martin Luther [This message has been edited by jbouder (edited 12-20-1999).] |
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