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| Critical Analysis #1 |
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Spring Heeled Jim Junior Member
since 1999-11-22
Posts 19Paris, Texas |
The dew settled on the shadow'd plain and spring rang out the years past. He staqred into this dull horizon bleak and strange afraid. A whispered wish flew by his head nothing ventured nobody gained. Tears were shed for unknown soldiers infinite and ultimate alone. W/ rye smiles and hoarse cries felt suddenly dry, running a dirty hand over his ignorant eye. And the universe so strong and grand fell at his feet and kiss'd his hand his rings well told a bitter tale. |
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| © Copyright 1999 Spring Heeled Jim - All Rights Reserved | |||
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Brad Member Ascendant
since 1999-08-20
Posts 5705Jejudo, South Korea |
I like this one. It creates a strong image and the reversal at the end leaves a lasting impression (the universe falls down before him; isn't it usually the other way around). Except for 'staqred', it seemed to read very well. I'm not quite sure what the title means and I do think you might consider rewriting the last two lines (of course, I may just not get it) but, all in all, a strong poem. Good job, Brad |
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Kenneth Ray Taylor Member
since 1999-11-11
Posts 139Duluth, Minnesota, USA |
Flows nicely with good imagery. I'm not quite sure of the interpretation--a soldier returned to a quiet battlefield? I'm not sure how to pronounce "W/ rye," nor am I certain what it means. |
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jbouder Member Elite
since 1999-09-18
Posts 2534Whole Sort Of Genl Mish Mash |
SHJ: I think this is very good work. I agree with Brad that this is a very strong poem. I would leave out the "w/" shorthand. It may be confusing to some. I too could use some help with the title's meaning and with the meaning of the last two lines. Good job. Jim |
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