A Poetry Editing Technique I Find Useful

How to Join	Member's Area	Private Library	Search	Sanctuary		Login
Main Forums	Discussion	Tech Talk	Mature Content	Archives	A home without a wall, Our haven without ends, A circle we all call Our Family of Friends!

Kenneth Ray Taylor
Member

since 1999-11-11

Posts 139
Duluth, Minnesota, USA

0 posted 1999-11-25 10:05 AM

[Sorry. I decided to take this poem down.]

[This message has been edited by Kenneth Ray Taylor (edited 11-26-1999).]

jenni
Member

since 1999-09-11

Posts 478
Washington D.C.

1 posted 1999-11-25 12:28 PM

if this guy's sexuality, or indeed his life, is established from early childhood, and there's nothing anyone can do about it now, why isn't this true of the rest of us? can't the same thing be said for anyone, even if he or she isn't "twisted"?

if it is true for everyone (and i think alot of psychiatrists will argue that one's personality is basically set at a really young age), why a "chalkboard"? are you simply trying to avoid use of the cliched "slate"? and why a KITCHEN chalkboard???

YodasGhost
New Member

since 1999-11-20

Posts 8
Escondido.CA, USA

2 posted 1999-11-25 09:43 PM

While the poem and sentiment I can understand, it is my opinion that if you write somethign the forst time, then that is the way you actaully want the feeling to be expressed. If you return and think about it, trying to make it sound better, or have better meaning, then you are being untrue to the poem and your own feelings. I personally havenever changed an original word(although some say i should), but to do so would be trying to make somethign different than what i reall feel/
I am not saying it is a bad thing to edit, just be careful that it doesnt change what you feel.

Willem
Member

since 1999-11-18

Posts 139
Inverness, FL, USA

3 posted 1999-11-25 11:20 PM

Hi, Kenneth: A few remarks about your poem
"The Chalkboard". I like its format and
even its ironical tone, but I do have some questions about the message it conveys. You
make it seems as if the man's God (god?) is
his co-conspirator by ignoring the fact that
this guy demeans his wife and takes the Holy
Eucharist merely to safeguard his reputation
as a "decent" man. I'm sure that's not what
you meant to say, was it?

Also, a chalkboard in a kitchen (the wall in Nebuchadnezar's palace?), is not likely to be read by anyone but the man's wife. Can't
you see any feminist critique coming?

Willem

Kenneth Ray Taylor
Member

since 1999-11-11

Posts 139
Duluth, Minnesota, USA

4 posted 1999-11-26 05:05 AM

[I get embarrassed by my own ramblings.]

[This message has been edited by Kenneth Ray Taylor (edited 11-26-1999).]

jenni
Member

since 1999-09-11

Posts 478
Washington D.C.

5 posted 1999-11-26 12:51 PM

why did you take the poem down???

Kenneth Ray Taylor
Member

since 1999-11-11

Posts 139
Duluth, Minnesota, USA

6 posted 1999-11-26 07:34 PM

Jenni,
I took it down because it wasn't very good, and I was embarrassed by it.

Brad
Member Ascendant

since 1999-08-20

Posts 5705
Jejudo, South Korea

7 posted 1999-12-01 06:48 PM

Geez, if I got embarrassed with some of the things I've written and some of my rather pathetic ramblings, I would never post. Kenneth, we all look at poems and change our mind about them, you may change your mind again. Don't worry about it. Think of this as one long process and each individual poem matters less and less (except when you're writing it of course).

We've all been there and I'm sure I'll be back there again.
Let the world see your dirty laundry as well as the stuff your actually proud of.

thanks,
Brad

Kenneth Ray Taylor
Member

since 1999-11-11

Posts 139
Duluth, Minnesota, USA

8 posted 1999-12-02 04:36 AM

Brad,
Thank you for the words of encouragement. I'm afraid some of my poems have gotten me in
trouble in the past--both those that were autobiographical in nature and those that were PERCEIVED to be autobiographical in nature. An example of a non-autobiographical poem that most people took to be autobiographical:

He was a man of honor,
and here's the reason why:
He'd never think to leave his wife.
Why couldn't she just plain die?

RobertB
Senior Member

since 1999-09-26

Posts 1104
Champaign, IL

9 posted 1999-12-03 12:50 PM

Hi Kenneth....my poems get me in trouble too at times. Yet I have to laugh it off and post again....write again. Please do not let yourself be embarrassed by anything you write. Learn and go on to the next one. I am sorry I did not get to read it.

Robert

	⇧ top of page ⇧
All times are ET (US). All dates are in Year-Month-Day format.