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Giggles
Junior Member

since 1999-11-21

Posts 15

0 posted 1999-11-21 08:21 PM

Now,
because, as you so simply put it,
“My feelings have changed,”
I am expected
to go on living life,
pretending
it’s okay.

But it’s not.
While I cry,
I’m wishing for someone
to hold me and comfort me.
But you’re not here,
so I must learn to comfort myself.
And when my tears fall,
I must learn to catch them myself,
instead of waiting for you to come back,
and brush them away.

I wish I had a say,
in what goes on around here.
Because,
to me,
it’s not okay.

I want the real you back.
The you that made me smile,
not cry.
The you that made
the good times and laughs,
come so easily.
I want the real you,
the you I still love,
by my side.

When you have shared
as much as you and I have,
our hearts, dreams,
thoughts and fears,
when you know someone
well enough
to see sadness behind
a smile,
when two people believe
in one another,
you can be sure it’s love.
Because you have felt it.
Love is a blanket that
comforts you and
a handkerchief that
catches your tears.
Love is having someone
to share with you
every challenge,
every joy,
every trial in your life.

I still need you,
and want to share
every challenge,
every joy,
and every trial in my life
with you.
But if you don’t need me,
and you think it’s okay,
then you will go.
I will miss you.
I won’t pretend it’s okay,
because it’s not.
But I will learn to comfort myself.
I won’t hold on.
But I’m not yet ready to
catch my own tears.

Because you said,
“My feelings have changed,”
I am expected
to go on living life,
pretending
it’s okay.

But it’s not.

“If you love something,
let it go,
and it will come back to you.”

So everybody, I know you're out there. I'd really appreciate any comments or suggestions about this poem. I'm a newbie to poetry and would like any advice you could share. Thanks so much!

starboards
Member

since 1999-10-14

Posts 467
longwood, florida

1 posted 1999-11-23 10:42 PM

Did you personally think of me when writing this, that certainly is a good quality in a poet, someone who has the ability to realate to others in their poems, if your a newbie, i wouldnt have noticed...

------------------
"If you love something let it go...if it comes back to you it is yours...if it doesnt then it never was"

Giggles
Junior Member

since 1999-11-21

Posts 15

2 posted 1999-11-26 08:25 PM

thanks starboards, i really like your quote much better than the one i've been told and i put in at the end of my poem, mind if i change it?

Brad
Member Ascendant

since 1999-08-20

Posts 5705
Jejudo, South Korea

3 posted 1999-12-01 07:01 PM

Well, you've got guts if you're new to the poetry 'thing' and you're posting here. I wonder if you might try posting at the OP forum until you feel confident and then come back here so that we can tear you apart.

Actually, I think this poem has a lot of potential but you've fallen into the trap of telling more than showing what you mean. That said, I do like the 'but it's not' part. I think there may be a way to write this that can make it very strong -- turn it into a more dramatic poem, show the partner's words with perhaps a subtle slice of self righteousness, of coldness or something like that. Then, contrast that with images of emotional fervor and weakness on your partner's part and try to show the real punch and pain such words can bring.

Am I making any sense?
Brad

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