Did You Ever Think - pipTalk Forums

How to Join	Member's Area	Private Library	Search	Sanctuary		Login
Main Forums	Discussion	Tech Talk	Mature Content	Archives	A home without a wall, Our haven without ends, A circle we all call Our Family of Friends!

Critical Analysis #1

Did You Ever Think

caykay
Junior Member

since 1999-10-25

Posts 19
IL

0 posted 1999-11-19 01:06 AM

Did you ever think that In time, Patience would heal all pain?
Like a slow moving cloud painted across the sky waiting for the rain.

Did you ever think that In time, The clouds and rain would pass
And the sun would shine in all it's glory for all of us?

Did you ever think that In time, You could open up your heart
For the wonder of love and the hope of a new start?

Did you ever think In time, Just as the leaves will always fall,
That your spirit would again learn to rise above all?

Did you ever think In time, That the Love you long to share,
Is a part of you..... that you do not dare.

Did you ever think In time, That the open arms of a warm embrace
Are only a figment of your mind that only you can chase?

Did you ever think In time, You could reveal your emotions
And trust someone to except all of your gentle, warm devotions?

Did you ever think In time, That it ‘will' take time,
Time to mend your broken heart and open up your mind?

Did you ever think In time, that ‘yes', Someone would look into your eyes,
Pull you close, hold you dear, and whisper, "No More Lies".

Did you ever think?

Craig
Member

since 1999-06-10

Posts 444

1 posted 1999-11-21 07:30 PM

caykay

I like the use of repetitive questions in this poem, BUT ( or the ‘Brad’ as it is more commonly known) I think it would work a lot better if you equalized your line lengths meter wise. Maybe splitting the lines at the same time. Take the first six lines:-

Did you ever think that In time, Patience would heal all pain?
Like a slow moving cloud painted across the sky waiting for the rain.
Did you ever think that In time, The clouds and rain would pass
And the sun would shine in all it's glory for all of us?
Did you ever think that In time, You could open up your heart
For the wonder of love and the hope of a new start?

I hope you don’t mind me messing up your words like this but see what you think.

Did you ever think that patience kept
would heal in time all pain?
like painted clouds that move so slow
in skies expecting rain.
Did you ever think that rain and clouds
In time would simply pass
and the sun would shine its glory
to fall on both of us?
Did you ever think to open up
to love and bare your heart
to let us feel the warmth inside
in hope of a new start?

I’m sorry if I got a little carried away with the editing but perhaps it may give you some ideas.

These are only my opinions and subject to change at will ( especially yours )

Craig

------------------
Yes, I admit your general rule. That every poet is a fool:
But I myself may serve to show it. That every fool is not a poet.

	⇧ top of page ⇧
All times are ET (US). All dates are in Year-Month-Day format.