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Where the Strangers Stand Side by Side
| Critical Analysis #1 |
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Where the Strangers Stand Side by Side |
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kmiller New Member
since 1999-11-17
Posts 1nonono |
Where The Strangers Stand Side by Side In this place I go to there are many people I know their names All of them, and they know mine. Some people stand together. I stand with these people, And some greet me, but some do not care to know me, Some of them stand alone, Next to each other but a million miles apart. We all return every day, To where the strangers stand side by side Why can't I let them know me? Aren't they my friends? Do I know them? I do not want to be a stranger, I will never forget how harsh this place can be |
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| © Copyright 1999 kmiller - All Rights Reserved | |||
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roxane Senior Member
since 1999-09-02
Posts 505us |
i think that you should just come out and say what this place is. maybe that's my problem with this poem. it's confusing, and in some places redundant. i'm sorry for putting it like this, i am, but i only hope to help you improve. take these questions into consideration during the rewrite. 1)do you want to convey emotions or explain them? or do you merely want to describe a situation? 2) what is the dominant image of this piece? is it the place? describe the place. describe how this place makes you feel. 3)is there any way to avoid the overuse of such words as "strangers", and "stand"? i realize that those two words are critical, but there should be synonyms in here. let me know how you fare with this one.  |
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Brad Member Ascendant
since 1999-08-20
Posts 5705Jejudo, South Korea |
Seems to me your striving for a certain surreal mood here and so I would add some surreal imagery and such to strengthen the atmosphere. Reading a little Kafka might help. Or watching some science fiction films (Dark City comes immediately to mind) |
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