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NoPlace
| Critical Analysis #1 |
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NoPlace |
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DramaMama Junior Member
since 1999-10-28
Posts 47Louisiana |
NoPlace The place I long to be is not where I'm going Or where I have been, but only a space that No one has seen, no footprints in the sand. A widening passage between history and future A plot of ground so sheltered and snug That my feet linger, delaying the inevitable surge. Around corners, over hills, beyond forests, Perhaps lurks Uncertainty, a massive gargoyle Drooling over hesitation, any faltering of spirit. I dwell in the present, surrounded by the familiar That reeks of sameness and mediocrity. No courage needed to remain, wedged between Uncertain tomorrows and hackneyed yesterdays. The mettle to steel myself against inertia, To move beyond the cocoon of complacency Must come from within, not imposed From without or propelled from behind. The place I long to be is not where I'm going Or where I have been, but only a space that No one has seen, no footprints in the sand. copyright 1999, PHC |
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jamaicabradley Junior Member
since 1999-11-04
Posts 39 |
A nice affirmation, I like this poem, it gives you something to think about for yourself, and in so far as this subject (are we really happy in our life?) I think this is something we all think about if not from time to time, but all the time. Just kidding. I thought the footprints in the sand was going to be a little cliche at first, but by the end of the poem and when you used it again it really works and I like the representation. |
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Brad Member Ascendant
since 1999-08-20
Posts 5705Jejudo, South Korea |
I think you might want to change the title to 'no footprints in the sand'. Noplace seems lacking in luster if you know what I mean. My favorite line has to be 'uncertain tomorrows and hackneyed yesterdays' but you lost me with 'cocoon of complacency' -- there's that alliteration problem again. I think you should try to make that more subtle, give the reader of feeling that without forcing it down the throat (God, what am I talking about?). Anyway, I enjoyed this poem. Except for the already mentioned line, I think you did an admirable job of mixing the abstract with the concrete. |
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DramaMama Junior Member
since 1999-10-28
Posts 47Louisiana |
Brad, Thanks for the suggestion about the title. Will rethink that one. As for the alliteration in the "cocoon of complacency" line...just curious, but why does it bother you? Is it that the device is so obvious because of the strength of the "k" consonant sound? (What are you talking about??? LOL) My poetry, being mostly free verse, tends to reek of alliteration. It's a calamitous course, climaxing in a calculated cacophony ...whoops...there I go again. Pat |
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Poertree Senior Member
since 1999-11-05
Posts 1359UK |
Pat, I like to try and figure out what poems are about (mainly because I'm clueless on critiquing technique.... lol). I thought that maybe this is a poem about someone stuck in a rut - dreaming of what they might do with their life but not actually having the courage to do anything about it. Moreover, (and this is the tragedy) not really BELIEVING that they can. I think that this comes through from the words "the place I long to be IS NOT WHERE I AM GOING" .... the words not where I am going seem to me to be an admission of defeat - an acknowledgement, if you will, that life will just carry plodding on in the same old "hackneyed" way. It is this slight twist to the poem that I think makes it interesting. The speaker is in effect not fighting anything which is external, but simply his/her own internal fears and insecurity. There were a few phrases which I wasn't sure about. In the second stanza it was clear that the writer was comfortably ensconced in the present with all its familiarities so I was slightly puzzled as to why a "surge" was "inevitable" and where was the surge to? The future? Also, despite the reference to a plot of land in that stanza, the sudden introduction of the landscape images in the second stanza seemed a bit out of sync somehow. The word "reeks" in the fourth stanza is powerful and clashes/contrasts with the word "familiar" in the previous line. You are essentially talking about the same subject "the present" and I am in two minds as to whether the proximity of those two words is good or bad! (Confused lol). "Mettle" and "steel" was clever  .Overall, a thought provoking subject matter. Thanks. Philip |
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