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Critical Analysis #1
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Drowning
| Critical Analysis #1 |
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Drowning |
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haze Senior Member
since 1999-11-03
Posts 528Bethlehem, PA USA 
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Well-wintered hands trace the wooded shoreline of your back. I listen to the river chill and froth in your bitter sleep. Rapids turn the tidal coarse of dreams to white water. I want to seek the sandbar. Drowning, I float face down, sucking the wet green through nose and mouth, too cold to tread, too weak to swim. ~haze 11/08/99 [This message has been edited by haze (edited 11-08-1999).] |
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| © Copyright 1999 Haze McElhenny - All Rights Reserved | |||
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roxane Senior Member
since 1999-09-02
Posts 505us |
this poem sort of confuses me because i at first think that the drowning is a metaphor- is it? i REALLY liked the first two lines, but unfortunately the rest of the poem doesn't seem to go with it. there is a lot of good imagery in here, but i can't seem to make the connection. it might just be me.  |
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Brad Member Ascendant
since 1999-08-20
Posts 5705Jejudo, South Korea |
If I understand this, I think this is very well done. You've mixed the images of drowning and seduction (?) quite well. I wouldn't exactly call it an erotic piece though. Well done, Brad Drop the word dream. |
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Vers Librist Junior Member
since 1999-11-10
Posts 16 |
I really love the vivid imagery you've used here. I'm going to have to read it again a few more times, but I think I really love it as a whole. |
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jenni Member
since 1999-09-11
Posts 478Washington D.C. |
haze-- simply beautiful, i really loved this one. i wouldn't change a thing (except for "coarse" in line 5 to "course"). i don't see this as a seduction poem at all, brad, but just the opposite, as a poem describing the reaction of the speaker to the emotional withdrawal of the speaker's beloved, and a relationship in trouble. keep them coming haze, very well done. |
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Local Rebel Member Ascendant
since 1999-12-21
Posts 5767Southern Abstentia |
I have to agree with Jenni here, frothing in his bitter sleep... tells it all dreams turned to white water rapids... a painful thing to grow up haze... a painful thing indeed. But your scars have carved beauty. Peace |
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jaxjoy Member
since 1999-12-14
Posts 112Texas |
I read this about five times or so. I am intrigued by the darkness, the desperation. The only line that sticks out (to me anyway) is "I want to seek the sandbar" It doesnt seem to flow like the rest of this piece. The first line was all I needed to read to know I was going to love this poem. Great work. |
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