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The Spell - another sonnet
| Critical Analysis #1 |
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The Spell - another sonnet |
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Not A Poet Member Elite
since 1999-11-03
Posts 3885Oklahoma, USA |
The Spell Sweet love is not so sweet without return, So here I sit alone as my heart cries; Seems bitter yet -- Oh how the heart does yearn For tender look from your once loving eyes. You cast your magic spell and I was charmed; I lost my head, my heart -- I miss you so; It seemed, I dreamed, that little might be harmed By fair enchantment ... Little did I know. Oh, your bewitching charm was sweet and strong; Though lost I fear, to me you're still so dear; While gone from me, my thoughts with you belong, To see you, touch you, kiss you, hold you near. I think I'll have another glass of gin, But know that's how this magic all began. ------------------ |
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| © Copyright 1999 Pete Rawlings - All Rights Reserved | |||
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roxane Senior Member
since 1999-09-02
Posts 505us |
this poem has a solid beginning, but its rhyme scheme doesn't stay together. it would however be a good idea to just totally revert to the "It seemed, I dreamed.." scheme as that is the stringest. i'm not one to often remark on rhythm, but as this poem is a sonnet and has a definite pattern, i think that you should be loyal to it. one thing in content that bothers me is the part about the gin. are you alluding o alcoholism? or was, as it seems from reading this poem a few times, a relationship began with drinking?? elaborate, or maybe leave it out, as it doesn't really do much for the poem. i did like the desperate beginning, but you seem to change your attitude in the middle. perhaps you could reply and explain this one to me.  |
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Not A Poet Member Elite
since 1999-11-03
Posts 3885Oklahoma, USA |
Hi Roxanne. I'm not sure I understand your comment on rhythm. As I read and reread the poem, the rhythm seems correct with the exception of the mandated pause in the 8th line, which I feel adds rather than detracts, so I did it with thought. As to the content, thank you for being interested enough to ask. I do truly love the sonnet form and I guess I subscribe to the old theory that sonnets are personal words and this one is certainly that. Every word would be fully understood by her for whom it was written. This probably isn't the place to expose the full story but I can elaborate a little on the gin bit. We did enjoy a little gin together. The relationship did not start with and was not dependent on drinking. It likely did help loosen things up a little at the beginning to let something blossom which would have been difficult otherwise. So there, in a nutshell, is the background. ------------------ |
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hoot_owl_rn Member Patricius
since 1999-07-05
Posts 10750Glen Hope, PA USA |
I didn't have a problem with the rhythm on this one, but I did have a problem with the rhyme on the final two lines....gin and began. You've taken a great deal of time to perfect the rhyme through out and the ending two lines, the most important in a sonnet, you let that all fall. |
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Not A Poet Member Elite
since 1999-11-03
Posts 3885Oklahoma, USA |
Sorry, hoot, I guess I thought that was close enough to get me by this time. |
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