any feedback is appreciated

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Critical Analysis #1

any feedback is appreciated

Jennifer Marie O'Neil
Junior Member

since 1999-11-01

Posts 48
port charlotte fl/bklyn ny

0 posted 1999-11-02 03:06 AM

She dosent say what she means
She dosent know what she wants
She cant even see her dreams
But I can read her thoughts
She closes her heart
She refuses hear
A scream or a whisper
Sung into her ear
She comes and she goes
Still belonging nowhere
She sighs and it shows
She dosent think you care
She hides in the darkness
Some corner some where
She laughs at your jokes
Yet you know she's not there
She sings her sad songs
That you'll never hear
She's lost in herself
No need to come near
Tell her you love her
Tell her you care
Or just tell yourself
Cause she's not really there

Iloveit
Senior Member

since 1999-09-02

Posts 1121
NM

1 posted 1999-11-02 09:49 AM

oh gosh, I loved this, you must have been looking at me when you wrote this, wouldn't change a thing, it is perfect to me

handbagsatfiftypaces
Junior Member

since 1999-11-02

Posts 12

2 posted 1999-11-02 09:57 AM

nice

roxane
Senior Member

since 1999-09-02

Posts 505
us

3 posted 1999-11-02 10:34 AM

i liked this. it flowed nicely and basically exlpained everything without becoming tedious. my only problem, and i never thought that i would suggest this, is to break it up inot stanzas, because it would be easier to read. for some reason, in this format, my eyes would skip lines, and i would have to go back and reread them. i read this poem three times, and i got better with each try, but i think that it might work better that way, maybe not.

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