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Kids at the Dentist
| Critical Analysis #1 |
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Kids at the Dentist |
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just me Junior Member
since 1999-10-29
Posts 15marysville, wa USA |
My little girl just HATES going to the dentist! This is for her. Sitting here, waiting, wondering why do kids at the dentist always have to cry? Mommy! Mommy! Hold my hand! This mean old dentist doesn't understand. He pokes me, he hurts me, he makes me numb. I don't like this man, I think he's dumb! But wait a minute. Then who am I? I'm just a kid, but I don't cry. I open my mouth I close my eyes. He says, "this won't hurt". I believ his lies. I don't flinch, I sit real still. But my mom sure cries when she gets the bill!! |
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| © Copyright 1999 just me - All Rights Reserved | |||
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Munda Member Elite
since 1999-10-08
Posts 3544The Hague, The Netherlands |
Sorry, just me, I am not the one to give you 'critical' advise, I just know this one gave me a big smile. : )Welcome to Passions. : ) |
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just me Junior Member
since 1999-10-29
Posts 15marysville, wa USA |
Well, thankyou. I am new to this site and I would like to have some direction on what is expected of it's members who would like to be a part of the communication that takes place between some of you. Anyone have suggestions, please E-mail me. Thanks, just me |
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Brad Member Ascendant
since 1999-08-20
Posts 5705Jejudo, South Korea |
I enjoyed the first half of this poem. Seems your simple style really reflects a child's voice here. The transition between the two stanzas however was a bit confusing; it's almost like you have two poems here. I would drop the first two lines and begin with "I'm another kid" Just a thought. On direction: this site is supposed to be one big conversation in order to improve our poetry. Give your opinion, openly and honestly, on as many other poems as you can. This takes more time than other sites but the idea is that you can help us and we can help you. We all need input on our work because you can never see what it is your missing unless you listen to someone else. Not everything will be useful for your personal goals but that's your decision. Just keep posting and the communication will just happen.  Brad |
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jamaicabradley Junior Member
since 1999-11-04
Posts 39 |
Thank you for such a little burst of smiles!I needed that...I like this poem very much,I'm new here as well and am trying to find my way around, e-mail me! |
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