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Late in the Night
| Critical Analysis #1 |
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Late in the Night |
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Lee Benthin Junior Member
since 1999-10-28
Posts 19Marysville, WA USA |
I've thought about you for a long, long time, tryin' to understand. Why can't I get you off my mind? You're just another man. But my heart calls out to you. Late in the night, I dream about you. And I wonder, do you feel it too? Late in the night, when dreams come true. Where does your life take you? Who's there to greet you at your door? Who is going to give you love, when you need a little more? And my heart calls out to you. Late in the night, I dream about you. And I wonder, do you feel it too? Late in the night when dreams come true. |
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| © Copyright 1999 Lee Benthin - All Rights Reserved | |||
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roxane Senior Member
since 1999-09-02
Posts 505us |
i thought that this poem was in general pretty good, but i do have a prejudice against the abbreviation of words. (in this case "tryin'".) one part that i don't understand is the following: "But my heart calls out to you. Late in the night, I dream about you. And I wonder, do you feel it too? Late in the night, when dreams come true." This stanza, while it is well-written and sounds beautiful, contradicts the message of the poem. the poem, i gathered, to be about dreaming of someone you once had a relatioship with who is now gone. if your dreams come true late at night, odes this mean that you are reunited with him? it's a little confusing. otherwise, i found this to be a very good piece. |
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just me Junior Member
since 1999-10-29
Posts 15marysville, wa USA |
Roxane; Thankyou for your comments. I never could decide if I like using abbreviations or not, sometimes it just sounds better in my mind. As for the poem, the meaning you had right. It is about a lost love. What I meant in that stanza was late at night, while I'm sleeping, at times I dream about he and I and I guess I was wondering if somehow he could feel the connection. You know, ESP or something. I've had some form of a good connection with this person for over 20 years and I feel very connected to him even if we are apart. Does that help? |
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Brad Member Ascendant
since 1999-08-20
Posts 5705Jejudo, South Korea |
It's an interesting question: do you use abbreviations or not? Personally, I feel you should use them if you're shooting for a specific dialect but then the trick is consistency; you've got to make sure that it sounds like a person and not conglomerate of different points because they have the right 'feel'. Otherwise, I would avoid them. People will read your poem with their own accents and may enjoy it better as a result. I also hate ev'ry and stuff like that so what do I know, Brad |
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doreen peri Member Elite
since 1999-05-25
Posts 3812Virginia |
My initial response to this is that you get the sentiments out well, but I think you need to work a bit on the wording. I guess it was the "you, too, true, too" rhyme scheme that repeated so often that took away from the poem, to me anyway. I'd like to see you also throw some imagery in there like .... what does this "just another man" smell like, how does it feel when he touches your hand, what does the room look like when it's empty because he isn't in it? That type of thing. Anyway, I think you're off to a good start here. The fourth stanza works very well, btw. "Where does your life take you?/ Who's there to greet you/ at the door?" Those words pull the reader in. Thanks for posting this and for letting me respond. Hope all of this made sense.  dp |
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