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Sista why
| Critical Analysis #1 |
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Sista why |
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misterpoet Junior Member
since 1999-10-26
Posts 18 |
Sista why Sista why... Do we play such games Knowing no one will win And we both lose In the end? Sista why... Do we try our hands At love Having no idea As 2 the Right way? Sista why... Do we make misery The best friend between us While constantly molding Our hearts Into bitter stone? Sista why... Do we couplize ourselves 4 show and envy 2 those without While walking inside Personal spaces So far apart – disconnected? Sista why... Do we know these things And still refuse... To let go? KG.10.07.99 |
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Brad Member Ascendant
since 1999-08-20
Posts 5705Jejudo, South Korea |
First, just have to say we appreciate the comments your giving to other poems. The alternate spelling of 'sista' and the use of numbers is interesting. I would consider adding more alternate spelling to give the poem more of a unique sound. Admittedly, it may turn some people off but it also might get more people to read it out loud (which is the only way I could get the numbers to work -- not that smart, I guess). I also like the word 'couplize'. I would consider turning this monologue into a dialogue with the 'sista' responding. It might show more of the tension of the situation you're trying to describe. Brad |
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misterpoet Junior Member
since 1999-10-26
Posts 18 |
Thanks Brad for your comments. A fellow female poet responded to this one. Here it is below. Your feedback is appreciated. Brother, I Brother, I... am uncertain of what I should define as Love On child's legs as I toddle through what I believe is your wish Brother, I... am not playing but reciting the script the 1st Brother wrote Not really hearing my own words or seeing my own actions just fine tuning the pre-mixed relationship dance Brother, I... am not playing you mischievously not hurting you intentionally not "mis-loving" you consciously but the road is dark in blinders Brother, I... only ask that you help reset an example of how Love can be refined and undo pre-defined rules of love and let go dw 10.07.99 |
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