»
Archives
»
Critical Analysis #1
»
gnaw
| Critical Analysis #1 |
|
gnaw |
|
|
lizzyluv Junior Member
since 2001-12-27
Posts 46nh, usa. we suck. |
The words inside my hand are clamoring for me to release them out to you. Can I fall in love with me? Please Baby? BabybabybabybabyBabybaby baby? We am cute. I are awkward, I know. This is nice; can' it stay this way? My brain's biting me again. Gnawing at its labels. But they're indelible ink. It knows they won't drool off. Thw words in my hand are freezing their way through my skin. I'd just give them to you.. But how. Do I know. you'll like them? I know, I know; I never know. But I'm scared to try. My brain pauses its chewing to reflect that maybe I could fall in love with me if I paid me to do it. ;What's the price?; the labels curiosify "everyone is broken by something they love and worship"- Francesca Lia Block |
||
| © Copyright 2001 Liz MacKinnon - All Rights Reserved | |||
|
C? Member
since 2001-12-29
Posts 190 |
some of the imagery, like the part of the words freezing through your hand, I really liked. I don't know if the part where you switched We with I is really nessecary...I can never spell that word right  |
||
|
lizzyluv Junior Member
since 2001-12-27
Posts 46nh, usa. we suck. |
i didn't switch we and i, i switched, am and are. the point was that i tend to be awkward in my speech. and i am. but it's hard to convey on paper w/o using blatant grammer errors. oh, and it's spelled, neccesary. ; ) "everyone is broken by something they love and worship"- Francesca Lia Block |
||
|
C? Member
since 2001-12-29
Posts 190 |
hehe, thanks, oh okay, yeah that makes more sense...it still works the other way though too!! |
||
|
lizzyluv Junior Member
since 2001-12-27
Posts 46nh, usa. we suck. |
it does, but the meaning changes. hmm, i'm not sure i'd thought of it the outher way around..... "everyone is broken by something they love and worship"- Francesca Lia Block |
||
|
rich-pa Member
since 2000-02-07
Posts 317New Orleans, Louisiana |
interesting, i dunno where you were going with it, nor do i much care, no offenses but i'm a disciple of reader response,and i see a poet here pondering over his/her writing and how to show them to the world and the problems of acceptance...style wise i love it as always, yer poems are thinsg to be thought about, something i like to do, the stream of consciousness pushes one intothinking, which is always a plus..i dig it "freedom is just another word for nothing left to lose..." -janis joplin |
||
|
lizzyluv Junior Member
since 2001-12-27
Posts 46nh, usa. we suck. |
hmmm, thank you for your rasponse. i hadn't realized this could be seen as addressing an audience. it was written for my girlfriend, but on another level, i think i also intended it for my reader. i hadn't realized till you said it. thank you. i'm glad you like my writing, rich-pa. thank you much. "everyone is broken by something they love and worship"- Francesca Lia Block |
||
|
hush Senior Member
since 2001-05-27
Posts 1653Ohio, USA |
I like this. The only thing I don't really get is 'curiosify' at the end... making up a word, especially one that sounds so goofy, doesn't really seem to fit in the context of this poem... Hope I've helped. "I'm thinking about leaving tomorrow |
||
|
lizzyluv Junior Member
since 2001-12-27
Posts 46nh, usa. we suck. |
i like my own words. and the words did curiosify....grar. "everyone is broken by something they love and worship"- Francesca Lia Block |
||
|
|
⇧ top of page ⇧ |
|
| All times are ET (US). All dates are in Year-Month-Day format. | ||
