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Critical Analysis #1
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Pilgrimage
Member Elite
since 2001-12-04
Posts 3945
Texas, USA

0 posted 2001-12-26 10:21 PM


Today I strolled around the park at noon,
I mourned the loss of friends that I had known.
I always loved the fiery skies of June-
December’s snows mean walking all alone.

I mourned the loss of friends that I had known-
I noticed how the trees had lost their green.
December’s snows mean walking all alone;
My life reflects the bleakness of the scene.

I noticed how the trees had lost their green;
I shivered at the keening of the wind.
My life reflects the bleakness of the scene;
I wondered at the hurts that God can send.

I shivered at the keening of the wind;
I shuddered at the weakness I display.
I wondered at the hurts that God can send;
And underneath my breath began to pray.

I shuddered at the weakness I display,
A love lost and a heartache, that is all-
And underneath my breath began to pray.
I’m shamed the way I’ve answered hardship’s call.

A love lost and a heartache, that is all-
It’s wondrous that I once had love to hold.
I’m shamed the way I’ve answered hardship’s call-
The seed of life springs forth from winter’s cold.

It’s wondrous that I once had love to hold-
Today I strolled around the park at noon.
The seed of life springs forth from winter’s cold-
I always loved the fiery skies of June.

Nan

© Copyright 2001 Nancy Wilcox - All Rights Reserved
strbbux
Member Elite
since 2001-12-19
Posts 3859

1 posted 2001-12-26 10:49 PM


Pilgrimage, this is so so nice. I am trying to think of the style and it escapes me. It is wonderful. It flowed beautifully and I so enjoyed reading it. Is it phantoum? I am not sure, but I love it. Floria
Pilgrimage
Member Elite
since 2001-12-04
Posts 3945
Texas, USA
2 posted 2001-12-26 11:03 PM


Dear Floria,
Yes, it is supposed to be a pantoum. I hope I got it right. Thank you so much for your kind remarks about it-I know it still needs work, but I thought I'd get some input before doing a revision.

Nan

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