navwin » Archives » Critical Analysis #1 » Help with title either Awoke America or Awakening
Critical Analysis #1
Post A Reply Post New Topic Help with title either Awoke America or Awakening Go to Previous / Newer Topic Back to Topic List Go to Next / Older Topic
Englishpoet
Member
since 2001-12-18
Posts 54
Birmingham, England

0 posted 2001-12-19 11:42 PM


AWAKENING

Thunderous terror shook 11th September.
Awoke America from her slumber.
Pain inflamed my every vein,
To see friends falling like rain.

This cruel act, this cowardly deed,
Fanaticism falsifies my creed.
Shoulder-to-shoulder friends we stand.
New York stretches to desert sand.

America weeps under the cypress tree:
Why do my fellow nations despise me
When I have fought against tyranny
To build a land of the brave and free?

I proclaimed all men are created equal,
Life, liberty and pursuit of happiness run in sequel.
In my land, Prosperity and Justice swell.
Self-evident truths only tyrants quell.

Founding fathers heard her anguished cry,
And from heaven sent this reply:
Good deeds should flower in our name.
How did Violence our case claim?

Today greed and vested interests run,
Few lives bask in our golden sun.
Wheels of wealth and pursuit of power,
Are churning in never-ending hour
For a few in ivory tower.

When autumn leaves fall to the ground,
They never provoke a single sound.
Not bombs but carpet of bluebell,
Will softly slay the hounds of Hell.

O Land of Hope and Glory,
Share your bounty and your story.
Let paupers mingle with the Earl,
This World is a single pearl.


Copyright © 2001by Asif Ahmed. All rights reserved.

Englishpoet
http://www.englishpoets.com


© Copyright 2001 Asif Ahmed - All Rights Reserved
strbbux
Member Elite
since 2001-12-19
Posts 3859

1 posted 2001-12-20 06:30 PM


Why has no on replied to this? This is a wonderful poem, so much feeling, I am very patriotic so I loved it, The entire poem carried the feelings through it.. I would love to see the word America in the title, because that is what the poem is about.IMHO and believe me it is humble.. so I hope you don't mind me replying.. strbbux
rich-pa
Member
since 2000-02-07
Posts 317
New Orleans, Louisiana
2 posted 2001-12-20 08:39 PM


hey, good subject, it is something that has moved us as americans and many otyher peoples across the globe, some that share this room....i won't give my cultural relativist spiel to it cause of the emotion involved, my only suggestion is to fix the one stanza that is 5 lines instead of four...you have a structured poem, keep the structure and rhyme scheme

"freedom is just another word for nothing left to lose..."  -janis joplin

Englishpoet
Member
since 2001-12-18
Posts 54
Birmingham, England
3 posted 2001-12-21 06:53 AM


Hi Thanks for your comments. My original title was Awake America. So I'll go back to it.

Happy holidays

Asif

shoffswife
Junior Member
since 2001-12-23
Posts 38
KY, US
4 posted 2001-12-23 02:28 AM


By no means am I a very good poet, but I think America Has Been Awaken would be good.  I just thought I'd offer some help.
I love the poem.  There is so much emotion in it, and was heartfelt.  

Post A Reply Post New Topic ⇧ top of page ⇧ Go to Previous / Newer Topic Back to Topic List Go to Next / Older Topic
All times are ET (US). All dates are in Year-Month-Day format.
navwin » Archives » Critical Analysis #1 » Help with title either Awoke America or Awakening

Passions in Poetry | pipTalk Home Page | Main Poetry Forums | 100 Best Poems

How to Join | Member's Area / Help | Private Library | Search | Contact Us | Login
Discussion | Tech Talk | Archives | Sanctuary