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Asinine Elaboration ((repost))
| Critical Analysis #1 |
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Asinine Elaboration ((repost)) |
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AniKay83 Member
since 2000-06-28
Posts 388Missing Since 1999 
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I had an unforgiving heart with an obnoxious disposition. Who could not drive away from memory all that sorrowful retention. I had a habit of forming redundant perceptions of touch, Writing maddeningly sad rhapsodies on my paper mache heart. Dreams drift drowsily about me. Chant casually to totally sedate me. The grip on my subconcious begins to frighten me. And he had a name ...oh, did he have a name. I had dreamt this name before! My soul had feigned that romantic label upon two lonely lips. Even Cassandra, that Pythian palmist of portents, could not envision the Callaesthics involved with pressing his fingertips. Yet my solemn sigh of sweet suffering- Never breathed in his direction... Still he found me, tired and broken, standing soaked through to my soul. Lost in that wild storm of intumescent hearts. Savoring it's short life in the sky. Hell-born light racing across the stars, shattering Heaven to rain down upon my head. Then gently it succumbs to the purple night. In all that charismatic chaos- Still he found me. Sadly I shook- security scared away. This feeling... Of being alive for the first time! Such innocuous, uninhibited tenderness seemed a phony, foriegn wile. I remained the undeserving unbeliever. Insecure, with lowered head, awaiting judgement... Yet his affection survived forthright and unbiased. Still, my unkempt assurance of unworthiness never swayed. I couldn't discern how to initiate my surrender. There I stood, bound by trivial misgivings and masochistic melancholy. Consideration comes too close to craving... Omniscent obsession obliterates observation. When I only wanted to hold you... To press my palm upon your chest, abound in the rhythm of your heartbeat. To rise and fall within your breath. Inundate in you... Swim in the serene security of your smile. I was dazzeled by your cadence. The calm of your wake leaving me utterly fascinated. Undulating in a pacified state. His earnest desire beget new beginnings. Could you believe acquaintance had such auspicious audacity? I can... because he showed me- That we didn't need all those complex words or emotions. Just me and you, and the promise of us two. I'm the answer to a question no one asked a sleepless dreamer, destroyed by passion |
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| © Copyright 2001 Christine Straka - All Rights Reserved | |||
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Not A Poet Member Elite
since 1999-11-03
Posts 3885Oklahoma, USA |
I find this fascinating. Some of the word choices I would re-exammine but this has been a long day. I'll look at it again tomorrow. Overall I thought the flow was quite good and the wording, for the most part, kept me glued to the screen. One thing did bother me a great deal though. Early you wrote extensively of "he" then near the middle you changed to "you" then near the end back to "he." It seemed to me that both referred to the same person. I don't know whether you intended this ambiguity or not but I found it very confusing and disturbing. Pete |
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AniKay83 Member
since 2000-06-28
Posts 388Missing Since 1999 |
Ya know... I had never really noticed that before! I re-read it a few times and I can see how it causes confusion. I think it was because in the beginning I felt more like I was narrating, but in the verse that starts the 'you's I felt more like I was talking to the person. Thanks for pointing that out to me. I appreciate it. ~Krissie I'm the answer to a question no one asked a sleepless dreamer, destroyed by passion |
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