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| Critical Analysis #1 |
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Come Down |
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kodak Junior Member
since 2001-04-22
Posts 10London |
Behind the steam covered windows of this drab Kings Cross cafe. This refuge for die hard shadows, of remaining raver riffraff. Hear I sit, among kindred strangers sharing my sickness and more. Who are these blank, scruffy, scull faces? Ghosts of the night before. My body clenched, like my clammy hand seeking warmth from a plastic cup. Though no coffee stint, I understand could compensate, or return me ‘up’. No amount of warmth could relight the candle I have burnt. I exchanged health for delight, and now payment must be earn’t. Below last nights horns and whistles that roar inside my eardrums. Below the hum of waffle-chat around me it comes. Even below this strident silence; I hear my self pity weep. “No reprieve!”, forewarns this cry, “and no escape through sleep”! |
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| © Copyright 2001 kodak - All Rights Reserved | |||
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Kirk T Walker Member
since 2000-01-13
Posts 357Liberty, MO |
Not much time to comment now, but read Silverstein's "Rosalie's Good Eats Cafe". Search for it on Google.com; it is online because that is where I read it. Disclaimer: The preceding statement is just my opinion. |
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roxane Senior Member
since 1999-09-02
Posts 505us |
hello kodak. welcome to CA. let me start with the phrase that made me like this poem: "This refuge for die hard shadows, of remaining raver riffraff." you've no idea how i loathe the raver riffraff, and the alliteration you're using here seems to treat them with the indifference they deserve. a couple of great lines. then we get a description of the rest of the cafe, of the narrator, and thus the narrator's frame of mind. i get the impression this person is an addict of some sort ("I exchanged health for delight") and the fact that you don't dwell on that makes it the more poignant when you subtly hint at it. and i like the way the main character is presented as someone out having fun, but beneath it, possibly more tormented than anyone i've read in a poem lately. i really liked this one. great for a first post. don't be a stranger. |
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Not A Poet Member Elite
since 1999-11-03
Posts 3885Oklahoma, USA |
Hello Kodak, No real comments, but I do want to welcome you to the family. Please check your email for a welcoming message. Pete |
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coyote Senior Member
since 2001-03-17
Posts 1077 |
"To rave or not to "rave", that is the question." Eh, Kodak? I'm raving!!! Great First Post.  From a "kindred stranger". lol "The rose, like the cactus flower, protects herself with thorns. We however, impale ourselves on their beauty." |
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Michael Coade New Member
since 2001-02-06
Posts 1 |
Roxane thank you for taking the time. I so glad you like it. I was a little apprehensive about posting before, but now feel reassured. I know you can relate to this because I've just read something you said a while back: "...The few people that I do read them to, I feel almost as though they don't hear a word that I say. Needless to say, the catharsis that my poetry provided for me has been somewhat hindered by my attitude towards it..." Remember this? I feel exactly the same way, except I've never shown anyone anything I written, until now, so I was/am very unsure of its value. Thanx. Michael Coade (or Kodak) Cheers Coyote [This message has been edited by Michael Coade (edited 04-24-2001).] |
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roxane Senior Member
since 1999-09-02
Posts 505us |
michael- sounds like something i'd say, though i don't remember saying it. (i'm only hoping you didn't find it on some prehistoric thread from my cave woman poem days) you needn't be afraid of sharing your poetry here, though. if there's one thing i've learned here, it's that even if no one responds to your poems, you are letting them out there. and by submitting this poem, you have earned at least one interested reader: me. i hope you'll stay around for a while. |
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J.L. Humphres Member
since 2000-01-03
Posts 201Alabama |
Kodak, I think this is brilliant, to me it doesn't seem to be a case of the proverbial pot calling the kettle black, but rather looking down its nose...er, handle at it. So now my question, is the main character's drug of choice amphetamine or extacy? X is pretty popular with the rave crowd, but the symptoms seem to be reminiscent of coke or meth. Just curious. Great piece. J.L.H. Jason |
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anonymous albert ?
since 2001-03-23
Posts 2979 |
WELCOME 2 CA!!! and the poem itself was great. i liked it... keep writing   ...?death is not the greatest loss in life. the greatest loss is what dies inside us while we live. -norman cousins |
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kodak Junior Member
since 2001-04-22
Posts 10London |
Yes your all correct, it is a poem about drug use. A subject, I find, too controversial for some ears, which is why I chose to understate and hint rather than to shout my point. (I figured anyone who felt it too vulgar a topic to discuss could then use their own ignorance as a blindfold.) But since you ask your question so plainly J I'll answer likewise: It would have been ecstasy and amphetamines together. (The clue for the amphetamines is in the last line.) |
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jenni Member
since 1999-09-11
Posts 478Washington D.C. |
michael-- i thought this was pretty interesting, you set the scene really well; i really liked how you sprinkled details throughout to ground the piece in reality, things like "King's Cross cafe", the "plastic cup," "waffle-chat"... stuff like that goes a long way to making the piece seem real and alive. very well done! i thought maybe you let the form take precedence over substance here, though, hurting the effectiveness of the piece overall. first, ending every two lines with a period really hinders the flow of the piece, in my opinion. and, at least in the early goings, it makes for several incomplete sentences in a row, which i found distracting. the rhyme scheme seemed a little awkward, too, and was inconsistently applied, and i thought that kind of got in the way of things (especially when it looks like you're reaching for rhymes with things like "burnt/earn't"). i think if you did away with the rhymes here entirely, and stretched your sentences out a bit, you'd have a much more effective piece. just my opinion, of course, take it for what it's worth, lol. nice poem here, i hope to see more of your stuff out here soon! thanks, jenni |
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