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the butcher
| Critical Analysis #1 |
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the butcher |
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roxane Senior Member
since 1999-09-02
Posts 505us |
he doesn't stay out late anymore i see him leave every night with resignation he's always, always going home with some sad package of meat usually steaks in flawless white paper folded gingerly by his own hands hell, he was once God of Guitars, he even smoked Weed with Coal Chamber (before they were famous) now, he says he's tired each time i see him he might not have been an adonis to you possibly too average and too old too strange with eyes too close together but to me, he was and continues to be without a serious or romantic, even flirtatious word spoken between us oh, i bet he wielded melodies like chains for you beating and breaking the weak did he break you? or better yet: what happens to one who dares to love him and die? "Faith means not wanting to know what is true." Nietzsche |
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| © Copyright 2001 roxane - All Rights Reserved | |||
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Marq Member
since 1999-10-18
Posts 222 |
Where's the music in your words? This is all message. |
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furlong Member
since 2001-04-08
Posts 129 |
"Where's the music in your words? This is all message." I wish I saw THAT complaint as often as we get to see "hallmark" poetry on the net - all "music" and no substance, meaning or sense! I disagree with Marq to the extent that his comment suggests that this piece is flawed because of a perceived non-lyrical quality. It's necessary imho to distinguish between the sound of combinations of words as one particular weapon in the poet's armoury, and the totality of a completed poem. Poems succeed in myriad ways; often, almost by definition, "good" poems succeed because they incorporate some element of originality in, for instance, form, sound, meaning, message, diction etc. So to suggest that a poem automatically fails because it lacks lyrical qualities or "music" is maybe shortsighted? What do you think Marq? In any case in my book this poem HAS "music". The images are music - the pathos is music. The underlying universality suggested in the message age-insecurity-loss, is music. The main theme "ageing failed rock-star" is certainly bordering on cliche, but the poet in this case has capitalised on what is a sure fire story in terms of wide appeal and then bent it to her own purposes, personalising the poem with sufficient graphic detail: "with some sad package of meat usually steaks in flawless white paper" and tantalising speculation: "wielded melodies like chains for you beating and breaking the weak did he break you?" to ensure that the reader is never bored, and is quite sufficiently occupied in enjoying the pictures and distilling the possibilities. In a very few words the poet opens up many fronts of reaction. The opening cuts straight to the central character himself in a way which grabs my attention. The underlying uneasiness engendered by the knowledge of his daytime occupation is present throughout the poem and acts as a kind of counterbalance to the sympathy the reader must feel for a declining star. I liked that. Then the speaker introduces her own part in this small drama quickly followed by the "you" of her acquaintance. Each introduction creates its own interplay but always references back to the main subject and in doing so casts increasing illumination on the man and his life. I also liked the symmetries of form especially the balance of the "hell" and "oh" stanzas. Something works well there but I'm not sure what yet. One small niggle and one large one: Why the capitalization of "Weed"?, and, the ending rather lost me. It had a rather overly-theatrical feel about it. Almost Shakespearian, or maybe it's the echo of the Brit's SAS motto "Who dares wins" (I hope I have that right! Apologies if not!), anyway it didn't sit well with the "tone" of the remainder imho. I was also struggling with the meaning at that point, which I guess doesn't help. Still, overall, a compelling and memorable piece of writing I thought. Thank you. F |
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Kirk T Walker Member
since 2000-01-13
Posts 357Liberty, MO |
In the shadow furlong's reply I would like to add: -I loved the first line. It sets the mood and encompasses the theme of the poem. It is simple yet is loaded with meaning. -The most intriging part of this poem to me is the identity of the speaker. We hear about the guitarslinger turned butcher, but the speaker is a quiet mystery. I liked that. -I didn't particularly like "God of Guitars" -I would also like to add that while this poem may lack "music," poetry doesn't necessarily need to be lyrical or musical, but I think this poem has a fine spoken sound that is authentic. Disclaimer: The preceding statement is just my opinion. |
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Marq Member
since 1999-10-18
Posts 222 |
To Furlong, I don't disagree with you! You're right about what makes a poem a success. Let me re-phrase my comment to this poem: More emphasis on music would make this a better poem. |
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roxane Senior Member
since 1999-09-02
Posts 505us |
perhaps i should explain myself a little to marq. my emphasis here in this poem is not to be musical, esp when i am talking about a musician, by which my own attempts at melody would seem vulgar. i'm telling a story, and i only want you to see one thing, a 30 year old butcher, rock-star aspirant walking out the door, taking off his butcher hat, letting his blonde pseudo-rock star hair fall down, and know that he is going home to nothing, and that he isn't washed up because of time, but because something very painful happened to him. i use line breaks for rhymthm, that's it. the capitilization is meant to be ironic, as though those things are quite important and if i ever read this aloud, i suppose, i'd put more emphasis on them. but, furlong, you may be right about the end. any suggestions? thanks again |
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