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Awaiting Autumn
| Critical Analysis #1 |
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Awaiting Autumn |
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AdozNroses New Member
since 2000-03-25
Posts 7 |
Brisk and cool; autumn's kiss upon my cheek, I've felt her coming all this week. She blows in wild and free, Shaking leaves from their tree. She smells sweet and clean and fresh, Her winds blow soft upon my flesh. She lifts my hair in her gentle breeze, Everyday anxieties to appease. Her sunset blazes with unmatched splendor, Fuchsia fingers long and slender, Upon a canvas of periwinkle blue, Breathtaking, golden rays break though. Her golden harvest moon; a giant diamond set, Against creamy dark night sky; Halloween chocolate, Stars scattered perfectly, without a care Expert hands placed them there. Spicy scents float upon her breeze, Cinnamon and nutmeg bring a strong man to his knees. Mingle that with coffee, freshly brewed, All makes for a warm and cozy mood. The fireplace once more in use, Fills the room with fragrant scents of spruce. Its dancing flames warm my face, I relish in its heat, content within this space. Outside my window leaves whirl and spin, Caught up in autumn once again. The squirrels scurry food to their lair, Geese, musically flocking, fill the air. Oranges, reds, yellows and dusty blues, All make up autumn's hues. She dresses so flamboyantly, she simmers, she glows, She smolders one last dance before winter's snows Ah autumn, so fair, so brief, so sweet. I treasure your frosts that crunch beneath my feet. And when winter brings you to your end, In quiet anticipation, I'll wait for you again. "Even with insects some can sing, some can't" ~~ Kobayashi Issa Veronica Ann |
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| © Copyright 2001 Veronica Ann Cech - All Rights Reserved | |||
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Not A Poet Member Elite
since 1999-11-03
Posts 3885Oklahoma, USA |
Hello Veronica Ann, Did I get the name right? I'm sorry but this one somehow slipped right past me. I'm afraid I have used up all the time I can devote to poetry this morning so I'll just bump this one back to the top as a reminder to get to it later. Meanwhile maybe others will respond. I notice you are new to Critical Analysis so I do want to extend you a warm welcome. I know you will enjoy it here. Check your email for a special welcome message. Pete Imagination is more important than knowledge Albert Einstein Oops, foiled again by the lack of an accessable email address. Sorry, I can't send you that message because you have not made your email available to members. [This message has been edited by Not A Poet (edited 03-12-2001).] |
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warmhrt Senior Member
since 1999-12-18
Posts 1563 |
Welcome to CA, Veronica Ann, I rarely do critiques on first posts, although I can see that you have a knack for imagery. I'm waiting for spring here in the north, and you had me skipping all the way up to September! Hope to see more of your work, Kris  "It is wisdom to know others; It is enlightenment to know one's self" - Lao Tzu |
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J.L. Humphres Member
since 2000-01-03
Posts 201Alabama |
Hello and welcome to CA Veronica. You've captured my favorite time of year exquisetly. I don't really have anything critical I just wanted to welcome you and tell you I loved the poem. I look forward to more. J.L.H. Jason |
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Marq Member
since 1999-10-18
Posts 222 |
I enjoyed reading this. I can see you have a lot of talent. Welcome to Critical Analysis. Don't hesitate to speak boldly and frankly in you comments on others work. =) |
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S Arthur Grey Senior Member
since 2001-03-19
Posts 719woven by a poet's loom |
AdozNroses, I like this theme, and you have done a lot with it. I might do a few things somewhat differently. Second stanza, second line, I would use "now" in place of "blows" to make the transition from the brisk wind of the first stanza to the gentle breeze of the second. (We can assume that the wind blows.) Third stanza, fourth line, I would drop the comma, preferring the sense and rhythm without it. And, I think you mean "through". Fourth stanza, first line, I would use "yellow" in place of "golden" to distinguish it from the "golden rays". This stanza seems a bit forced. Fifth stanza, second line, I would shorten the too long line to something like "cinnamon and nutmeg there (or "in the air") to please". (The "strong man" does seem to come out of nowhere.) Sixth stanza, last line, "I relish in? its heat . . ." Do you mean you relish its heat? In order to maintain a continuous sense of time (and perhaps the breeze) I would try to rearrange the stanza order. You bring the reader inside after moon rise then take them back out into the day. I would move the "sunset" and the "moon" stanzas to near the end. --------- Does any of this help? S Arthur Whose Night is this, Mine or the Moon's? |
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AdozNroses New Member
since 2000-03-25
Posts 7 |
Thank you all for the warm welcome. Not A Poet.. sorry about the email address, I have made the necessary changes to my profile to make it accessable. I am still rather new to the ways of PIP. I haven't had alot of time to write or enjoy the forum. I do enjoy reading the poetry. :} Its a bright spot at the end of a long day. Veronica Ann "Even with insects |
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