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Trip to Paradise
| Critical Analysis #1 |
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Trip to Paradise |
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warmhrt Senior Member
since 1999-12-18
Posts 1563
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this is one heck of a ride to Paradise, the detours never-ending, the pot-holes, wide as a station wagon, sometimes you fall in, and you're lost for weeks... seems like you find a good road, ride nice and smooth for a while, maybe kick up a little dust, then you make a turn, onto two raggedy ruts in the dirt, stones, trees layin' all over the place, and you've gotta keep stoppin' to move em outta the way... if it keeps up like this, this darn trip to Paradise is gonna take a lifetime. Kris  [This message has been edited by warmhrt (edited 02-15-2001).] |
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| © Copyright 2001 warmhrt - All Rights Reserved | |||
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Marq Member
since 1999-10-18
Posts 222 |
I don't think you've thought through your analogies properly and your wording seems too haphazard and careless. Sorry I can't be more positive. I love your picture. =) |
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warmhrt Senior Member
since 1999-12-18
Posts 1563 |
That's perfectly fine, Marq...I wasn't at all sure about this one...a bit of an experiment, I suppose. I think it does have some possibilities, though. Thanks for reading...and for the compliment.  Kris "It is wisdom to know others; It is enlightenment to know one's self" - Lao Tzu [This message has been edited by warmhrt (edited 02-15-2001).] |
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YeshuJah Malikk Member
since 2000-06-29
Posts 263 |
I agree with Marq. Reads like ramblings under one's breath, lacks coherent continuity. Perhaps the finished product? I'll keep an eye out. |
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warmhrt Senior Member
since 1999-12-18
Posts 1563 |
Yesh, Marq, Do you have any suggestions on how this could become a cohesive, meaningful poem? Kris "It is wisdom to know others; It is enlightenment to know one's self" - Lao Tzu |
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