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Ode to a window (repost from open12)
| Critical Analysis #1 |
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Ode to a window (repost from open12) |
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Master Senior Member
since 1999-08-18
Posts 1867Boston, MA 
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Before this perfect square alone I stand and I reflect upon its very meaning,-- it’s not a box.... an outlet!-- I demand to be let out. The stars outside are gleaming. The darkness makes it seem as if they blend together with the window, thus deceiving the mind into thinking that a hand could touch the glowing stars and this believing, the mind leaves a handprint on the glass. The window is our link to the outside,-- it shows the eye the greenery of grass, unlike the wall, which doesn’t yield to sight. The window lets the sultry sunlight pass,-- without windows there would be no light, and hence, no warmth. Each window has four corners and four sides (each side is tangent to two corners), which then form four angles that are measured in degrees. These measures are important when a storm, with raging winds picks up the small debris,-- they make the windows strong and keep you warm, and windows block the branches of the trees that bend with raging winds out of the norm. Thus windows are the messengers of peace. The windows do of course require care,-- you won’t see anything unless the view is clear,-- but use a sponge to swipe away the glare of golden dust and colors will appear and then, relax and sit back in your chair and let the breeze be music to your ear. An opened window serves to let fresh air refresh the room. At any time of year, the windows can be opened in the day to let the sunshine spill its rays of gold. The sunlight will submerge the room and stay as though a guest who’s welcomed here uncalled. But when the snow makes all the earth seem gray, and when the breeze is simply just too cold, and when you feel the need to hide away, the curtains can be drawn to blind the world. At night, they are like mirrors, they reflect our every move and thus it often seems when we are doubled by this strange effect that we are living in the world of dreams, where even parallels will somehow intersect, where passion always finds the hidden seams. The eye-- the star, two points now connect and hands, again reach up for silver beams. < !signature--> Check out my poetry here: http://www.unknownpoets.com/db/authors/master [This message has been edited by Master (edited 01-18-2001).] |
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| © Copyright 2001 Andrey Kneller - All Rights Reserved | |||
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mark woolard Member
since 2001-01-02
Posts 143 |
master: cool write, man! i enjoyed the connections drawn between the many facets of a window and perceptions of life. (the dust will return; pull the shades to shut out the world) the technical descriptions of what a window is grew tiresome to me personallay. it kind of took away from the rest of the meanings i infered. otherwise, i dug it. |
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Not A Poet Member Elite
since 1999-11-03
Posts 3885Oklahoma, USA |
Hey Master, Good to see you back in here again. You been away for a while. Hey, I like this one. An interesting twist on an ordinary subject. I just have a couple of suggestions though. First, the stanza breaks. I see what you did and why but I found it a bit distracting to have a break right in the middle of a sentence. That's pretty minor and may be just a personal quirk though. Second, there are some places where the meter breaks up which really caused me to stumble in reading. For example, stanza 1, line 7 has an extra syllable. Instead of into, try to. You may the want to add another iambic foot to make the whole stanza iambic pentameter. Maybe try something like: the mind to thinking that a helping hand I mean to say that you seem to have made a real effort to keep the IP feel throughout. It would be a shame, IMHO, to let a few lines spoil this effect. So, to continue, S2, L1 needs another syllable. Try something like: the mind might leave a handprint on the glass. While on stanza 2, the second line has a small problem. Near the end, the must be stressed and this sounds unnatural. Try this revised wording, if you will. The window is our link to all outside -- All is a stronger word that the and can logically be stressed in this context. Also note that the comma was incorrect in this usage. There are some others I suggest you look at similarly. S2, L7 & 8 each missing a foot S4, L1 short a syllable S4, L2 has an extra foot S6, L5 has an extra foot S6, L7 missing a syllable All these problems are easily corrected and I think the result would be a very worthy poem. Well, of course, this is all JMHO so take it for what it is worth to you. Again, thanks for an unusual and enjoyable read. Pete Imagination is more important than knowledge Albert Einstein |
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